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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

DS 15 ... 16 soon ... behaviour

4 replies

msmac · 17/01/2012 10:37

hi, this is the first time have posted but need to vent/rant... DS 15 been caught smoking and drinking among other things!... he doesnt seem to connect ... have tried shouting and reasoning with him but he says all the right things at the time and then find out he has been lying and goes ahead and does his own thing anyway ...going to the school today (at their request) to discuss his behaviour ... have taken his phone from him as a last straw ... but nothing seems to work ... help!

OP posts:
SecondhandRose · 17/01/2012 20:39

I was given some good advice recently. Make alcohol available in your home for your son to drink with a meal or with the family. Take away the taboo, the forbidden fruit. Make sure it is proper lager or cider, no lemonade with it and none of those WKD type drinks.

With regard to smoking perhaps try and talk about the cost but dont have other advice as we have been lucky there so far with our DS.

msmac · 20/01/2012 11:16

thanks :) will try anything x

OP posts:
schoolchauffeur · 20/01/2012 12:35

I agree with the alcohol- make it look like something sensible adults do in moderation and it doesn't look so appealing. Also where does he get the money from- can you limit pocket money availability? Refuse to hand it over if you know he has used it for cigarettes/alcohol? My DD (16) saw a film at school about the effects of smoking on the lungs/skin/other organs and said it was the grossest thing she had ever seen and even the die hard smokers ( sad but true) in her year group and the group above were seen dumping their cigarettes in the bin and in some cases getting quite upset at what they might have done to themselves already! I will see if I can find out what it was and put a link on here.

weetabixforeva · 24/01/2012 19:30

I had similar difficulties with my DS, same age, last year. It actually served as a wake up call for me because I realised that I wasn't actually taking that much interest in his interests or his school work, so I did something about that.

Also after the initial rant and taking his phone, laptop etc off him which was a waste of time not the way to win coooperation from a stroppy teen, I decided that I'd be calm and not create a situation where his friends and smoking and drinking and drugs seemed taboo and thus exciting. I simply told him that I didn't want him being involved with such things but I wasn't completely stupid and realised that kids do this sort of stuff. No ranting, just a weary acceptance.

He still goes out with his undesirable stupid friends, and I'd be surprised if there wasn't the occasional cigarette, or whatever, passed around. However he now accepts that he needs to come home at a reasonable time and let me know roughly where he is.

I was also called into school and felt like a rubbish parent but used this to request support from teachers to keep an eye on my DS and offer him more support in areas he seemed to be struggling. This was much better than colluding with them and making my DS feel rubbish about himself.

Essentially my DS, and I imagine yours too, is just trying a few things out and pushing the boundaries. IMO they need to know we are interested in them and love them despite them messing up now and again.

So maybe forget the shouting, give him his phone back, show you're interested in him and get the school on board in trying to support him through this difficult period. Good luck.

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