How do you stop guilt and your own feelings getting in the way?

[SadTonight]

MaryZ - I've read a lot of your posts and admire you greatly for the way you handle your situation with your son. You always talk sense and you write really well.

You often say that guilt mustn't come into it, is a useless emotion in turbulent situations. How did you manage to get rid of it? How long did it take you?

I am desperately unhappy because I have lost it tonight with my 15 year old DS. I have been a complete bitch. To do with another call from school after years of continued bad behaviour which has left my nerves shredded and raw, and means I over-react to incidents in themselves no worse than the last, but culmulatively wearing. I feel I have let him down in so many ways and failed to get him a good education when education is "so important" and recession makes things even more anxiety inducing. Now my over-reaction has hurt him and made me feel deeply ashamed.

I can see my own feelings are helping no one. How did you "detach"?

Other mums - please chip in too - all advice gratefully sought because I have no ideas left.

Thank you MaryZ. I really appreciate your words and your sane and considered approach - however hard won it has obviously been.

I'm exhausted and heading for bed, tomorrow will try again.

Thank you x

I think You need someone to talk to, I did, cause even although I have a husband ( not the kids dad) and friends they never get what your going through. I phoned parent line, I have them on speed dial and they are always there for me just to rant or talk through the next issue and give me ways to cope. Have you tried that? At first I was on quite a few times and now just occasionally.

Sorry, posted too early. For example, I would get a call from school and immediately feel anxious or angry and wonder what to do, then lose it when she got home and things would get worse. So as soon as something happened, before I spoke with Dd14 I would ring parent line (at any time) and talk it all through. By the time dd got home it was much easier and I had it all in context. It's not perfect and they don't have magic answers but it helps you think straight to manage things...

5000feet - a very good suggestion and I'll follow it. What you described is what happens to me - the very appearance of the school's name on my mobile turns me into a tense over-reacting maniac, turning scenarios over and over in my head even before I get home.

Had a long talk today with DS and apologised for my unwarranted reaction. I'm heading to the Dr's next week to ask for some talking.

Thanks both - for your help.