Amended previous post (thanks Maryz)
I thought this site was just for parents with little children. I'm new so sorry if I come across as really needy but I do need advice.
The last 6 1/2 years have been awful. DD is now nearly 19 and getting worse. She has always lied since nursery (my most hated habit). When she was 4 she would tell nursery that she had a sister who lived in London, a horse and that I would take her into the garden to smack her! Luckily I lived next door to the School secretary who knew it wasn't true else social services would be round like a shot! I thought she'd grow out of it, but she just got worse, she would not tell the truth in a court of law if her life depended on it.
Her next trauma was when she was nearly 5 and was being bullied at School. They were saying she was fat and should only drink water! A teacher had to sit with her at lunchtime to try to ensure she ate something but from then girls she would play with no longer came around as they didn't want to be tarred I guess.
When she was 5 her dad and I separated and a year later I met someone else and we moved in. She seemed very happy and seemed to really like him. There were a couple of incidents over the next few years - one when we went on our first family holiday when she was 6. We were laid by the pool and DD was in it playing (she could swim well) and a couple of girls only slightly older than her came close to where we were laid talking about DD saying she was weird and that they should not go near her! I was heart broken, but you can't tackle little girls to ask why they feel like that. I asked DD if she had fallen out with them but she said no. They never went near her after that though.
The next ocassion was when she was about 6 1/2 I went into her room and she just stood there in the middle of the floor and wet herself! No reason, I asked if someone had upset her, but she said nothing. After that things did seem to calm down for a few years though she did find it difficult to make or keep friends.
When she was 11, we were married, she cried at the ceremony and since then things have gradually gone down hill. She said she was hoping her dad and I would get back together bless her. This was despite him hardly ever being bothered to see her, though I always maintained that I would not slag him off in front of her, so I probably made it worse by not doing so.
I guessed when she was about 13 that she was experimenting with girls. She agreed (eventually) that it was girls she preferred. It hit me hard, you have an idealised view of what your babies will become and it can be a bit of a grieving process if that is turned on it's head. Still we supported her (though the hubby still finds it difficult he really tries).
Since then though, the lies have got worse, it's as if she is on self destruct. She has stolen from us and her grandparents, been sent home from a school event totally smashed, smokes, abuses aerosols, self harms, goes missing for days to towns around the country! She owes me a lot of money after I bailed her out of a Wonga loan. She can't hold down a job, her benefits keep stopping as she does not turn up for appointments or courses.
When i found her sniffing aerosols she got councilling but within a few weeks managed to convince the woman she was fine and was signed off - 10 full carrier bags of aerosols were taken from her bedroom, and there only the ones she hadn't got rid of herself!
She slashed her wrist a few months ago and since then has been offered support from a local unit, but she doesn't turn up. She knows they are only there to help but gets annoyed when she's reminded she is not fully well. She's on antidepressants, doesn't eat for days and is about a stone underweight.
Before Christmas she was lovely for about three weeks - I spoiled her rotten thinking she had finally turned the corner, but then she disappeared again returning on the 22nd. As usual she came out with the "I did text you to say where I was Mum" - er no; "I was really poorly and didn't want to worry you" - so you disappeared without a word! Same old, same old.
I love Christmas and so put it all to one side. We had a lovely one (bar the onslaught from the mother-in-law the day after Boxing Day calling my child all the names under the sun and saying she would never change - thanks for that!)
Anyway, she did her disappearing act as soon as she got her gyro after Christmas, came back in time to sign on and swanned off again this week after her money came through. She had promised she would never do it again and said she understood how upset and worried it made me (which she has aid on all of the previous ocassions so I shouldn't have been surprised).
I don't know what to do. Hubby wants to kick her out, but she could get in worse problems and shes still my baby. She is selfish, wanting to do whatever suits her, I know that. I want to help her but she is making me so ill.