do I stand my ground or let this go?

[basildonbond]

we have a rule that ds (14) has to leave his phone downstairs when he goes up to bed

the last couple of nights he's been pushing this - taking it upstairs and only handing it over (read: throwing it at me) under threat of the contract being cancelled

the background to this is he's been using his phone inappropriately - keeping indecent photos of underage girls which they've sent to him (all now deleted) and texting during lessons - so he's on his absolute last chance here

the last time he got his phone confiscated, he only got it back after agreeing to the rules (i.e. no texting in lessons, leaving it downstairs at night, no inappropriate use) and that as we're paying for it, we had the right to check that it was being used appropriately

I'm so bloody sick of having the same argument over and over again - do I just say 'sod it' and let him have it/use it whenever or do I stick to my guns knowing that it means endless arguments - dh is away most of the time so I am in effect the sole enforcer and my relationship with ds is sadly not great at the moment

Can you put a temporary 'stop/ban/bar' on the phone easily? If you can I would, anytime he takes it up to his room & don't remove the ban until the following Monday. I wouldn't give in because he's at that age where if he sniffs a bit of rebelling will get his what he wants your life will be hell.

Also reinforce how careful he needs to by having indecent pics of underage girls on his phone.

Doesn't this come under distributing child pornography, or some such?

Opps, posted too soon. I would be inclined to take away the phone anyway & do what maryz said, give him one with the basics.

TBH, just because you have it at night, doesn't mean he isn't viewing & deleting this material during the day. My stance would be that he is too young to understand the responsibility of having a that does everything.

I agree with Maryz. One more rule break and he loses the fancy phone and has to use a boring PAYG! (Believe me, I've done this with my own 14yr DD and oh the shame of being seen with a basic phone )
DD also used the alarm on the phone to get up for school. When she has phone confiscated (Yep it still happens), it just means I have to get up slightly earlier to give shout up the stairs call her to get up!
Perhaps you can bring the subject up while you're eating dinner that sending/receiving dodgy pics could end up as a police matter if anyone finds out especially seeings as he's only 14 (bluff this one out, even throw in that he doesn't want a criminal record at his age ).
And also as chipping says, just a little sniff of you backing down will make your life hell for the next few years. Say something and mean it - even if it means him throwing a toddler type tantrum
Good luck

Thank you all - I'll stand firm! I just wanted to check that I wasn't being totally unreasonable because apparently I am weird and no-one else would be so sad as to check up on their teenager's phone use

Funnily enough, last night he left it downstairs without a squeak of protest. Actually, in that Jekyll and Hyde way that they have, he was lovely last night - wanting to chat which he's not done for a while ... ho hum ...

Kids eh? Who'd have 'em! lol

Well done BB for sticking to your guns. According to my DC's, I am weird/unreasonable/out of order (delete as applicable) as all the other mums let their kids stay out late/take phones to bed blah blah blah!!

I tell them I like being weird and if I'm being so unreasonable .... good .... I know I'm doing my job! :)

When chatting to one of my eldest DS's friends mums over Xmas, she told me I was the one who allowed everything! lol!!

They all use the same old same old lines ...........

could you put his sim card in a cheapy phone that doesn't take photos etc, so he can only use it for calls and texting

I agree by the way, stick to your guns. My teenager will push and push to test the boundaries, it is difficult to stand firm but remember you are in charge so what you say does go.