Lazy teen or AIBU

[circular]

DD1 (14, yr 10( Extra CA most nights, and 10 hours (incl. travel) on Saturdays.

Constant battle over school journeys. I think she should use local bus + walk.
She expects to be ferried by car, or at least given money for special school bus route. DH doesn't mind driving her, except for when he has other committments, which is not very often. Although this means DD2 (9, yr4) has to be ready 30 mins earlier than she otherwise would need to and misses out on being walked to and from school (10 mins).

Car takes between 5 and 20 mins depending on traffic.
Local buses are free, every 15 mins in peak time, journey time 15 mins, bus stop < 5 min walk from home, but 10 min walk at other end.
School bus goes same route BUT goes 2 stops further so stops outside school gates. Cost increased by 120% last year!

DD"s excuses:

• Local bus is unreliable and she doesn't want to be late in the morning (I know on occasions when DH has been unable to take her, she has used her own money for school bus)
• Bus times mean she gets home 30 to 45 mins later than by car so less time for homework (although she rarely starts it before 6)
• on days when she finishes late, nobody else walks in her direction and she doesn't want to walk alone in the dark
• walking hurts her knees (she does have a problem there, but it conveniently disappears for shopping trips with friends)

I have told DH to continue taking her in the mornings for now, but only pick her up on the one day when she has to be somewhere else within 30 mins.
Also, when the extra CA activities resume in a couple of weeks, collect her until the clocks change.

She's still not happy, I'm not happy, DD2 not happy and DH just wants a quiet life.

Thoughts anyone?

I have similar issues with DD 13yrs. Not sure of the answer, but worth asking her what she's willing to compromise on - for mine she's happy to walk home when I can't pick her up, but wants me to drop her off whenever possible, as she doesn't want to be late due to unrelaible buses etc. Don't suppose there are any kids that live near by that she could travel with? Or could you do a rota? I don't think you're being unreasonable - at their age they're perfectly capable to walk/take bus, but not easy when they have lots of other commitments.
Good luck with it and hope you work out a happy solution.

If she is feeling vulnerable for whatever reason you need to find out why and deal with it.

If she needs more confidence then build it up by doing part of the journey with her or waiting with her for the bus.

If walking hurts her knees you should look into it - she may have the wrong shoes or a heavy bag which is giving her poor posture.

But if she's just being lazy and if you can't be bothered with the driving I would start by spending the bit extra on the school bus.

I'm firm about mine walking in (20 mins) but she's usually with a friend. On the occasions that DP takes her in (he's softer than me) she quickly tries to turn it into a habit so I nip it in the bud quickly.

I take it the walk is only around 40 minutes without the bus? If so, make her walk it! My kids would love to be ferried to school and back if they had the opportunity, but they have to walk.

My DS2 is the same. My DS1 walks 30 mins to and from school, every day no complaining, occasional bus fare in very bad weather.
DS2 though asks every day about the bus and moans when i say no.
They attend different schools and DS2 is closer to his , around a 20 min walk.
I occasionly give him a lift to school ( only cos its on route to work) but cannot pick him up because of work. Incessant moaning still.
I have decided to put my foot down all walk unless raining then bus fare.
I actually think walking did me no harm and if anything does them good.

DD used to get taken to school when DH route to work was that way, now hes moved job location she has no option but to walk .. First few weeks she would moan as its a 30 mins walk, I used to get 'OMG cant we move closer to school' She soon got used to the idea that walking was her only option come rain, hail, snow and i was happy waving at here from the front door step cheering her on lol

Is it really normal for children to walk 20+ minutes to and from school,Im all for advocating exercise but its not nice to get to school wet/windy or walk alone- surely if theres a bus that stops at school thats what she should use?

I realise my views may be soft but when I was a child if I wanted to go anywhere I had to walk and would get everywhere hot/cold wet or windswept.

I dont drive dd walks so no hassle i just think your dd wants a lift make arrangements for her to walk home is there anybody she can walk with ? does she get around herself out of school or you her taxi then too ? maybe start letting her go places on the bus herself build up her confidence a bit . 14yr olds are funny things and see problems when there isnt any ,

I've got permanent spine damage due to walking to school with a heavy bag slung over one shoulder for five years. It's good to be firm, but I think it's important to be reasonable as well. They are at school for 6 hours a day and you don't want them arriving exhausted and miserable for the sake of a few pence on the bus.

Spendwisely - not a confidence thing, more than happy to travel by train and bus at weekend / holidays, alone or with friends. Although not after dark.

Special school bus would be £12 per week. Local bus accepts free bus pass, but has a 10 minute walk. The school bus only runs once at each end of the day, so not possible on any days out late.

Knee problem is ongoing, had some treatment, slightly better than it was but think she plays on it slightly when it suits her. Some exercise should help, especially as she is starting to put on a little too much weight (separate issue)

Madlizzy - door to do waling would be about 50 mins. Around 3 miles and quite hilly. I would not expect her to do that, but think the 10 minutes from where the local bus diverts quite reasonable.

Nobody on route to easily share journey with. Diverting hits traffic and likely to make DD2 late. Nobody to walk back to bus stop with on activity days but happy to collect her then when dark.