DD16 has first boyfriend 15. They met at the same boarding school and have been a couple for 4 months now. He visited a couple of times over holidays and due to distance stayed over twice. DD has always been very sensible/trustworthy and not much into boys until this one came along. We liked him very much, he treats DD really well and seems much older than his 15 years- will be 16 late summer. DD assumed ( correctly!) that sleeping arrangements would be him in spare room. We allowed them some privacy - rules were they had to be in their own rooms by 11.30 ( so we could go to bed!) and that they were free to spend time in each other's rooms during the day but that they needed to be dressed and that I should be able to knock and walk in without having to hang around outside- infact they left the door open most of the time and spent a lot of time downstairs anyway cuddled up on sofa watching films. It seems like a lovely relationship - sounds soppy but character and interests wise they are the perfect match and I think it could have the making of something longer term. Both clever, work focused, ambitious slightly quirky teens- don't like parties, alcohol etc. Both close to their families and enjoy family outings- happy to come to cinema with us etc.
Due to exams/school commitments etc it is now unlikely he will visit again until the summer. I have told DD that these rules will stay in place until bf is 16 ( end of summer) but that if they are still together in the October break I would still offer him spare room, but that provided they are discreet and that we have visited clinic to get pill/implant I am happy for them to sleep in whichever room they choose. ( discretion needed due to younger DS). I discussed this with a friend of mine who thought I was nuts and said that not before 18. My point is that when they are at school they are not allowed any physical contact ( other than the odd cuddle and snog at end of disco and would be expelled/suspended if found together doing anything more) and that when both aged 16,wanting a physical relationship ( even if not a full sexual one) is completely normal. My friend said that they should just "go somewhere else"- my point is like where? We live in a rural area, his family live 100 miles away ( and have much younger siblings so could fully understand that this would not happen at his house) - are they really supposed to wait 2 years before being able to do anything other than have the odd snog? Doesn't seem realistic to me and am worried that may encourage them to take a risk at school.
Have also made the point that if this relationship ends- any new relationship would have to be 6 months old ( and both over 16) before I would allow same thing again. DD says they have talked about sex but don't think it is right until bf is 16. I made the point that just because they are old enough they don't have to do it and she said that it would have been nice if they could have snuggled up together and gone to sleep together. I agreed with her but explained that these things have a habit of getting out of hand- not that I didn't trust them but that it is not a question of trust but more of what will be inevitable. It was a great conversation and we had a lot of laughs so I am hoping I have paved the way for her to be open with me about what is happening.
So my question is- have I done the right thing? Total novice when it comes to teen relationships ( since my own of course when my mothers oh so helpful advice when I left for uni at 18 was "be careful"- no idea about what she never said....) so any advice from the experts here gratefully received.