How do I help my 19yr old son?

[hellhasnofury]

He had a relationship with a girl a year or do ago. He was deeply in love, she wasn't. She used him and dumped him quite cruelly. His self esteem is shattered. It doesn't take much to shatter him, he has Asperger's and it took a long time for him to get his diagnosis. It took him getting to a very low point mentally before anyone would help us, he grew to believe the labels that others attached to him 'useless' 'freak' 'weirdo' etc etc.

He eats in secret, hoarding food. I don't know what to do. He is sad all the time. He thinks he's worthless and unloveable. I've tried to gently suggest the GP but he doesn't want to talk about it. He thinks no-one will ever love him, he can't see that she didn't love him she used him.

My DH has a long list of health problems which DS is lining himself up for if he carries on down this self destructive route.

Hi Hell. How about visiting your GP by yourself first. Sounds to me like your DS is getting seriously depressed. They might be able to give you advice on what to do. I felt so sad reading your post. I wish there was something I could do to help you but I don't know what to suggest hugs

Hi,
Not sure where you live but it may be worth contacting the Learning Disabilities team as it may be quicker than the GP - but it is always worth contacting the GP- depending on how your son would feel and how stressful this may or not be for him, it may be worth him joining a social group so he can talk to other people with a similar issue to him. I have a physical disability and have always found it really helpful to talk to / be with people who are experiencing similar things to me.
I know there are such groups because I have worked with them before, but not sure what is around locally - they will also be a great support to you.

In terms of counselling your soon may find it more beneficial to engage with telephone / on-line counselling if he does not like meeting people or finds it difficult to talk face to face.

If you son is in further education the counselling team which is attached to the college or university may also be a way forward.

You could try designing a feelings mentor depending on the interest of your son, and if you feel he would engage as a tool to try and get him to talk about his feelings, or at least indicate to you whether he is feeling happy / sad. It can also be used as a tool to find solutions to begin to make him feel a bit better about himself. (but it will take time, and he may not open up at first)

Your son may also find a Journal useful, I did because I would get my feelings out and then be able to talk about it if necessary- the journal does not have to be written it could be drawn or made from communication symbols.

There are also a number of charties that offer counselling for a small donation- it may be worth contacting them and getting on as many waiting lists as you can- because they can be long.

In terms of the over eating it may be worth contacting the National Eating disorders association they also discuss overeating and will talk to parents and carers

At 19 Child and Adolescence's mental health service is still an option, which needs to be done through your GP. See the following link for more Info www.camhscares.nhs.uk/

Finally you could chat to the National autistic society . Finally dont forget to get support for you as well!

Good Luck,
Gemma

Teenagers with AS tend to have a higher incidence of depression, so if you can get him to talk to the GP that would be good.

It might be an idea to talk to the gp first - I know technically at 19 he is an adult, but sometimes if people are very down it is hard for them to see the woods for the trees (iyswim) and someone has to take the first step.

If he won't go and talk to anyone, would he do any CBT online? There is an Australian site called MoodGym which it would be worth having a look at yourself. It is aimed at teenagers, and if you could get him to give it a go, and spend half an hour everyday doing some sort of mental exercises it might make him better able to realise that negative thoughts are a cycle, and you have to take active steps to quash them.

It is something he would need to persevere with over time, but the site itself is very good.