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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Son and his friends want to watch horror films. Is this normal and what do you do about it?

20 replies

ToffeeWhirl · 29/12/2011 17:02

I hate horror films, but as soon as my son (12, but I'm using this topic because it feels like a teen issue) started secondary school he met children who claimed to have seen things like 'Saw' and he started to pester us to let him watch them. Anything with a 12 rating or below is sneered at by his peers. Apparently, it is only cool to watch 15s or, even better, 18s.

I have relaxed enough to let him watch 'Insidious' with his friends at one sleepover and I even watched 'Paranormal Activity 3' with him myself one night. I absolutely won't let him watch any 18 or any film that involves torture/gore. He was planning to watch Grave Encounter' (15 cert) with his friends tonight (they are sleeping over at our house). DH thought it would be fine and downloaded it for him Hmm, but, after reading the plot I have confiscated the memory stick. You can imagine how popular that made me. I have also said no to 'It', 'Carrie', 'The Shining', 'Scream', 'The Blair Witch Project' and various zombie films.

He knows how strongly I feel about it, but ignores my rules when he goes to his friends' houses for sleepovers. I was upset when I found out that he'd watched 'Hallowe'en 5', but absolutely appalled when I discovered that he and his friends had downloaded 'Human Centipede'. I did arrange a chat with the mum in charge of that sleepover and she was appalled too and has hastily put lots of parental controls and safety measures on her son's computer (we already have them installed on my son's). I am so sad that he has seen such a sick, disgusting film - and that he wanted to watch it. He told my DH that he never wanted to watch a film like that again, so I suppose he learned the hard way.

Does anyone else have this issue with their son or daughter? Is it just a normal phase?

The irony is that my son is extremely anxious and is being treated for anxiety and OCD. I think he feels that this is one area of his life where he can appear brave.

OP posts:
Gertiegoolash · 29/12/2011 17:12

my Mother had this issue with me, thing is I'm still going through the phase....and I'm 36. You either like horror movies or you don't, but if you stop him from watching them he'll only do it behind your back anyway, call it morbid curiosity. He may grow out of it or he may become a horror fan. But lets face it it is only a film.

D0oinMeCleanin · 29/12/2011 17:18

You banned IT but let him watch Insidious? Confused. Insidious is far more disturbing that IT.

I too am a horror fan. I blame my mum. She made such a fuss over me not watching certain films (mainly The Exorcist and Amityville, Children of the Damned etc.) that they became more appealing than ever.

I was most disspointed when I stole the Exorcist one night to watch, it was a big let down after all the fuss she had about me not watching it because it was too scary and had caused people to commit suicide after watching.

I think it's normal.

Tortington · 29/12/2011 17:18

my take on it is this

if your son was staying at their friends house and came home to you and said
"Chris's dad let us watch saw3"

you would go ape shit

so why would it be ok to show that kind of film to other children without their parents consent?

that is the line i would take with my son

lottiegb · 29/12/2011 17:38

Some of the 'classic' ones are quite silly, or more about tension, but some of the more recent ones are really nasty, so there's a huge range here.

I don't like them, did watch a few in teens and one thing I can say is that you can never erase images or concepts from your brain. A friend who watched a lot and thought she enjoyed them, or was mature / cool enough to cope in mid-teens had long-standing fears as a result.

Effects will depend so much on the individual and cannot be predicted, partly as their brains are still developing and you don't know what vulnerabilities they might have in adulthood that could make these experiences more significant later.

Rebellion is a powerful instinct though - I certainly watched violent war films at that age and older because my mother was so absolute in her attitude about them and I rejected that dogmatism and wanted to demonstrate that I was a different person and able to view them in a more detached way. I think I was and wasn't harmed.

Original poster
ToffeeWhirl · 29/12/2011 17:43

Custardo - I do check with the other parents about what they are happy for their children to watch when they come here. Mostly, we agree, although I wasn't happy about one mum letting my son watch 'Bruno' Shock, but that's another story.

D0oin - do you think so? Oh dear! My DH looked into 'It' and said it wasn't at all suitable because it's about child killing. DS absolutely loved 'Insidious' and said it was 'properly scary'. He showed me a clip - and yes, it was.

Gertie - I am worried that by banning such films I'm encouraging DS to rebel. But I don't know what else to do, apart from allowing him to watch milder scary films.

I know that he might want to watch horror films as he gets older, but he's only 12. It just seems too young. He's not a mature 12 either.

Wouldn't you all be appalled at your 12-year olds watching torture porn like 'Human Centipede'? I don't understand why people make films like this and feel so angry that my son was able to gain access to it.

OP posts:
Maryz · 29/12/2011 17:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ToffeeWhirl · 29/12/2011 17:45

Lottie - yes, I agree about the lasting images. I worry because DS is very vulnerable (Tourettes, OCD, various anxiety issues) and he is desperate to be accepted as 'normal' by his peer group. I don't think he knows what he's getting himself into. I suppose I just have to keep talking with him about it and trying not to be too dogmatic.

OP posts:
Maryz · 29/12/2011 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dustinthewind · 29/12/2011 18:06

I like horror films, and so do both of my children, who are now 17 and almost 21. But they like very different genres.
How about trying some of the comedy horror ones, Shaun of the Dead, Black Sheep, Tremors, Eight legged Freaks, Arachnophobia, Sleepy Hollow?
Most of the Stephen King ones are reasonable, but you know what would bother your DS better than I would.
You need to have seen the films you let him watch before he does, it's the only way you will know for sure. I'd have been uncomfortable with mine watching 18s when they were 12.
Neither of mine have seen torture porn stuff, or some of the films that I like but would just trigger the wrong response in DS.

Original poster
ToffeeWhirl · 29/12/2011 18:18

Well, so far DS and his friends are thinking along the lines of watching '127 Hours' tonight, which is a really good film (and not horror) and has the added bonus of footage of a man cutting his arm off with a blunt penknife Smile.

Thanks for those tips, Maryz - that's exactly what I need. He has asked me about 'Sean of the Dead' - it's zombie stuff, but funny, isn't it?

Dust - you are right about me needing to watch the films first, but I actually think I'm easier to scare than my son Confused. I managed to get through 'Paranormal Activity 3', but the images have haunted me ever since and I refused to watch another. I'm such a wimp.

Mind you, I am hooked on 'The Walking Dead', as is DH and DS. He has never been bothered by the gory stuff in it, whereas I have to hide behind the sofa when the tension gets too much.

OP posts:
Maryz · 29/12/2011 18:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

givemushypeasachance · 29/12/2011 18:56

I think there is a very wide range of "horror films" - from some of the classics like The Shining which are psychological and don't really have gore in, to 90's slasher films (a staple of my teenage sleepover years) and then "torture porn" or "gorn" films such as Saw or Human Centipide which I would never choose to watch. I would say that films like Stephen Kings are very good stories with twists and scares and jumps that you might decide are fine for younger teenagers, the slashers such as Scream, Halloween, I Know What You Did Last Summer are essentially just whodunnits with jumps, gimmicks and a bit of blood, while the torture porn ones are very gruesome and often come across as shocking for shocking's sake - best avoided.

If you don't want to watch the films yourself check out www.kidsinmind.com for detailed ratings of sex, violence, nudity, gore, swearing and so on.

Chandon · 29/12/2011 19:02

all my mates wanted to watch horror films when I was 13.

I felt I had to as well, didn't want to be left out.

I wished for my mum to forbid me (easy way out for me!). But she let me. Wish she hadn't ! Deep down I did not really want to see that sh%t.

As a parent I think it is your job to be a "killjoy" in this respect.

littlemisssarcastic · 29/12/2011 19:27

If you don't want your DS to watch gorey horrors, definitely don't let him watch any of the Saw films.

I enjoyed the story line to Saw, but boy it was gorey in places.

Not something you forget about in a hurry imo.

DilysPrice · 29/12/2011 19:50

BBFC app/website is your friend. I would strongly recommend The Thing (the 1980s version but the remake as well I guess) and all 4 Aliens movies for a scare-hungry teen. Scary and gruesome as hell but not disturbing, sick, sexual etc.

However, 12 is just too young for even those films IMO. Look for good quality 15 certificate films, and talk to the other parents.

mountaingirl · 30/12/2011 12:10

As a teenager I loved horror films. Absolutely cannot stand them now. Ds1 (17) isn't a great fan but dd aged 13 loves watching them with her girlfriends.

bemybebe · 30/12/2011 12:14

Should really ask a professional to comment, but I read that there is a developmental need for exposure to horror in the teen age as the young person learns to deal with complex psychological ways to deal with serious trauma.

Some people grow out of it sooner than others, some never grow out of it.

bemybebe · 30/12/2011 12:17

Blimey, that was rubbish way to express myself...
"The young person learns the ways to deal with difficult stuff." FFS you get the gist...

Dustinthewind · 30/12/2011 12:44

Or as GK Chesterton said
'Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed.'

I like horror, but I don't watch programmes based on true cases, Jack the Ripper being the exception. I like my entertainment to be fantasy.

BertieBotts · 30/12/2011 12:48

Yes, Shaun of the dead is quite funny, the gore isn't at all realistic.

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