Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

Original poster

advice on how to adapt - re early teens and bedtime - please..........

13 replies

ilovearnold · 22/12/2011 22:22

Hi, i really love my two early teens, but i m naturally an early to bed lady and i love spending time with them but i feel that im really really struggling with not having half an hour or so before i go to bed just to be quiet - a choice of no tv ,questions ,to read etc etc ,or simply to chose waht i do..it really makes me feel mentally well if i get that little slot of time ,and im missing it so so much i feel unprepared /struggling oto get used to it.Feel at bit weepy- not depressed - just feeling out control?

I know that i need to adapt to having no time with dh, or alone time in the evening, just to wind down quietly.for eg i love to read or listen to music or watch tv - tonight my dd was with me and i couldnt watch sometihing i wanted for instance as it would be too scarly for her - it was only " Without You" but she would hate it. That in itself isnt a problem at all in isolation, but i guess id like some choice.Ive not got a catch up facilty with tv.I dont want them to be in bedroom to watch tv and likewise i dont want a tv in my bedroom.

Has anyone elso felt the same, and any tips please?

I dont want to have to go out as its wind down time im after.I guess the obvious answer - which im trying to avoid admitting!! - is go to bed early and read.maybe im resisting as that currently feels that im banished to my room when i would really like to hang out in the house for a while and potter and tidy and read etc etc....

OP posts:

webwiz · 23/12/2011 07:10

I do know exactly what you mean - when you've been used to a bit of adult time in the evenings its hard when teens start staying up later. You do get used to it and find other ways of having time to yourself.

The DCs don't necessarily have to be downstairs watching tv with you, although that can be a nice thing to do - ds who is 15 likes a bit of wind down time himself and will read a bit in his room. We have a tv in the kitchen and the DCs will sometimes watch tv in there if its something terrible that I don't want to watch (big brother, the only way is essex etc) or they might watch stuff on iplayer on a laptop. It is ok to have your own way of doing things and not have it swamped by teenagers. I think if I really wanted to watch something on the tv that wasn't suitable I'd explain that and suggest they did something else.

Dh and I also go out for breakfast on a saturday morning when the DCs are still asleep for a bit of a catch up and time on our own.

mumblechum1 · 23/12/2011 07:14

When ds was early teens he went to his room at 9, and even though he didn't necessarily go to sleep, he'd read or whatever, so we still got a good 3 hours by ourselves.

Can't you just send her up to her room at 9ish?

bigTillyMincepie · 23/12/2011 08:33

We do like mumblechum and they have quiet time in their rooms for an hour or so before they go to bed. They read or faff about quietly

mumeeee · 23/12/2011 09:06

It's good that your teens want to spend time with you. When our DDs were younger they spent quite a lot of time in their room.

trulyscrumptious43 · 23/12/2011 09:12

I know exactly what you mean. It's a strange time when they start going to bed at same time/later than you.
I cured it by throwing the TV away, then they just gradually drifted upstairs earlier. You may not wish to be so draconian! Before that I found myself hiding in my room to get away from them for an hour before bed.

chopchopbusybusy · 23/12/2011 09:19

I don't know the answer (and I've always been reluctant to chase them out of the way if they want to spend time with me) but I really like webwiz's idea of adult only Saturday breakfast. I may adopt it!

Theas18 · 23/12/2011 10:14

You don't say how old your "early teens" are, but it's not "chasing them away" to say maybe they should be heading to bed by 9.30 or so- ie reading/listening to music (we don't have TVs in rooms). Ours are up early- 6.15- 6.30 so I try to persuade even the 15yr old into bed by 10-10.30 unless he has panic homework to do.

Our yr8 DD (nearly a teen!) is best if she is in bed by 9 anyway and I don't plan to extend that much later unless she has heaps of work to do, she's awful if she hasn't had enough sleep!

Original poster

ilovearnold · 23/12/2011 10:18

Hi all - thanks so much - i think that its the physcolocial change and its a relief to me that its recognised by others as a strange time as suddely life changes and i dont feel its just me...and yes i do enjoy their compnay its just i like my own sometimes and thats ok.xxxxxxx

OP posts:

Fennel · 23/12/2011 10:21

I know just what you mean. I feel I need an hour or 2 after the dc are in bed to just potter gently, watch tv on my own or read in the living room without tv on, or whatever, but withouth children around. and now my 11 and 10yos are going to bed not that much before me, they don't need to get up early so I can't post them to bed too early. Sometimes I just send them anyway, other times I go to bed myself to get some peace. but it's not ideal.

I am almost looking forward to the moody teen stage when they'll exit any room I enter.

cardibach · 23/12/2011 15:09

My DD is 15. By 'early teens' - so no more than 2 years ago - I wouldn't have needed to send her out. Shs is great company, but perhaps since it is just the two of us we have had to adapt. I'm sure yours are just as pleasant, so perhaps it is a change in mindset you need.
Programmes I want to watch that i don't feel are suitable for her I tend to watch with a cuppa on Saturday/Sunday mornings as she sleeps later.

bigTillyMincepie · 23/12/2011 17:14

cardi, it's DD that watches the unsuitable programmes - I have to go off somewher else with my cuppa

LEttletownofBOFlehem · 23/12/2011 17:20

I have no qualms in kicking gently encouraging them to go upstairs around nine. I think it does help if you allow them a tv in their rooms though.

twincrazy · 01/01/2012 22:03

ive got the same syndrome, I dont get any rest at all as I have a toddler full on by 8am in the morning, so by the time she goes to bed at 8pm, ive got my twins up till gone 10.30.

Im really feeling it now the boys are getting older, and I really could scream for some space.

Hard one I know x

Flip