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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

More panic about my daughter!

6 replies

SophiaN · 17/12/2011 10:43

My daughter, age 14, has been literally collapsing in tears lately, sometimes for no reason, sometimes because of school "drama" [gossip], sometimes because of her appearance, sometimes because she "can't feel anything". She criticises herself constantly - I walked in on her annotating her face on the mirror with her lip pencil, pointing out everything wrong with it. She complains of nightmares about failing tests, although she's only failed one in the past six years (she resat it immediately the next day and got an A). She often doesn't get out of bed on weekends until around this time, and says that she isn't motivated to. She complains that she's lonely, but is "bored of talking to her friends". This morning, she asked me if it was normal to feel nothing but "extremes": "elation", "despair", and "nothing". She then went on a relievingly typical angsty rant about how she often doesn't feel anything, not even numbness.

I would put this down to mood swings, the fallout from all the behavioural tics she had before puberty, and an emotional personality. However, she has been acting like a textbook case of depression lately. It runs in both sides of the family - my husband, my sister, my father, and my father-in-law all had it, as did my grandmother, who committed suicide because of it - so I'm understandably a little panicked. Am I fretting too much, though?

OP posts:
nizlopi · 17/12/2011 12:11

I personally would take her to the GP to talk about it, especially as you say depression runs in your family. It might help her feel a bit more in control of how she feels if she knows there's an actual reason behind it.

Imnotaslimjim · 17/12/2011 12:26

I agree with Niz, pop her to the GP for a chat. Have you a firendly lady one that you could book a double appt with so you don't feekl rushed? I don't know her history as I'm new around here, but even with whats you've said about tics etc I'd still be a little concerned

peggotty · 17/12/2011 12:30

Yes take her to the gp. Sounds similar to me and that age and it was depression.

meanmomma · 17/12/2011 15:29

And get her some tools to deal with it - she needs regular exercise and daylight, healthy food and a coping strategy like CBT, hypnotherapy or homeopathic remedies.

Does she have any hobbies?

crystalglasses · 17/12/2011 15:33

Just let her keep on talking about it. In my experience it is much more worrying when they bottle things up.

MrsOzz · 17/12/2011 15:51

There is absulutely nothing wrong with being proactive about this. It's good she talks to you about her feelings at the moment. However, instead of marching her down to the GP, why not ask her how she would like to tackle her feelings?

Let her feel in control, even if you are subtley guiding her desicions. Could she keep a diary of her feelings/thoughts to see if they are cycle-related/family/stress/friend/school related. The diary may give clear clues as the to the triggers of her feelings, and even if it doensn't it will be 'evidence' to be taken seriously at the GPs and not dismissed as a teenage phase.

Maybe take her shopping to pick a diary and a pen and promise her you will never ever read it unless she wants to show you things. Tell her to be completely honest with her diary and record any big or small things that affect her. She doesn't have to write in it every day, just when she wants to. Make sure she knows you are taking her seriously, but are not panicked by her behaviour either.

Hopefully, if she does decide to take up counselling, or a sport, or herbal remedies like st Johns wort, she can record any improvements too.

Good luck!

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