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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Help - DS2 reacting to DS1's previous drug related behaviour

1 reply

Jaynie1 · 13/12/2011 12:26

Help - DS1 went through a bad patch in his mid teens and started taking drugs ? we had a nightmare few years dealing with the moods, stealing (from us and his younger brother) and general fall-out. In the end he agreed to get treatment and he has now been clean for almost 2 years and is starting to build a life for himself ? got a job; is mentoring others with drug issues, going to NA, and is now a pleasant young man.
Our problem is DS2 ? we must have spent too much time on DS1 during those bad years and too little on his younger brother. DS2 is so angry with his brother that he will barely speak to him (when it bursts out, that anger seems to be a mix of how he was embarrassed by his brother when he was younger, about the stealing, and about how DS1 used to treat us), and he has started stealing from him now ? he says this is payback for when his brother stole. We have said the stealing is totally unacceptable ? but I am at my wits end on how to deal with this and the wider anger issue as this seems to be spilling over (or is that just teenage moods more generally). I?ve tried to get him to talk to someone about his brother, but he won?t. Has anyone else out there had this problem?

OP posts:
pickgo · 21/12/2011 00:05

Gosh this sounds complicated. Probably a whole mixture of confused emotions going thro your DS2's mind.
I would stress that he doesn't have to repeat history and that he can learn from his older bro's mistakes. I would insist he can't use what you've all been through as an excuse for bad behaviour.
My DS was very up and down from about 13 - very moody and angry much of the time, but still quite regularly his normal nice self - usual teenage stuff. I think the advice to pay attention to what they actually do rather than what they say has saved my sanity most.
TRy to stay calm in front of him no matter what the provocation! I'm sure he'll turn out nice in the end Xmas Smile

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