Hygeine (TMI)

[hairnets]

My DSD seems to be seriously lacking in the hygeine department. It's very weird because she is literally obsessed with perfumes and make up and with styling her hair/ wearing nice clothes etc but when it comes to washing etc there is just nothing.

She doesnt change her underwear - ever... she wears the same pair of pants from when she arrives on a Thursday afternoon until she leaves on a Sunday night. I've tried buying her pretty pants, grown up pants, kiddy pants, french knickers, boxers etc but she just doesnt change them.

If nagged for some knickers to go in the wash she will produce washed pairs from her draw and swear blind that they've been worn. When I found a pair that she had changed a week or so ago they were literally hard with crust and stank.

The other problem is the issue of her period... she doesn't shower when she has her period at all. This morning she got up and her tampon had leaked, there was blood all down her leg and she had blood on her fingers too (I said TMI!) I gave her a hug and said never mind, jump in the shower - she said she couldn't be bothered and would just use a wipe!

I'm not allowed to nag her because I'm "not her mum" but all of this is really grossing me out and I am actually feeling a bit queasy sometimes when in her presence (awful, I know!)

Any tips?

Your DP should have stopped the car and told her off for changing the pad right there.

He also needs to sit her down and tell her there is a house rule about wearing fresh clean clothes every day and that she is to observe it. Plus she must put her worn items in the basket and wash them herself -- he needs to show her how to use the machine.

Neither of you needs to find out what goes on at her mum's house, and this approach will backfire, according to your report of the mum's attitude. But your DH needs to lay down the law in his own house and she can't take issue for this even if she does things differently under her own roof.

You should get her "The Care and Keeping of You", an American Girl publication about puberty, menstruation, hygiene, taking all the physical changes in stride. It dispels many myths such as the old one of not washing during a period, and it's very positive about development being a plus in a girl's life and not the huge curse or disaster or loss of innocence/childhood, blah blah, that some people believe it to be.

I don't think the whole issue of development and how she is reacting to it should cloud the fact that dirty clothes and bodies are unacceptable and will result in ostracisation by her classmates eventually. If you want her to take a shower on weeknights then you are going to have to play the heavy and not feel fearful of upsetting her delicate sensibilities. You are not doing her any favours by allowing her to develop lazy and slovenly habits, to disrespect herself or other people. Get tough, stand in her doorway and nag until she gets under the shower, and do it every night. Don't say it and then move on to other things. She cannot be allowed to wallow in her own dirt. She will eventually thank you for it.

You need to provide her with lined and lidded bins in the bathroom and in her bedroom for disposing of STs and tampons if you haven't already. Plus - how warm is the bathroom? Is it comfortable enough to take a shower?

i have the same problem with my dd, aged 13. last nite i caught her for the umpteenth time having an "imaginary shower" meaning she went into the bathroom and wasted 20 minutes of electricity/water by pretending to shower and in reality sat on the toilet with her phone.. i caught her and she wasnt even apologetic. getting very annoyed at this stage.have spoke to a few people and apparently one day they wake up and realise umm i need to wash or else i will smell.. im still waiting

I had a step-mum, and TBH I did listen to her. I wasn't quite as wash-phobic as the girls mentioned here though. I just valued her opinion.

I know you are not 'mum', but I think you NEED to talk to her about it because it is not pleasant and it is your house. You would not be unreasonable to mention it, especially if you can't talk her own mother.

Start by saying something like 'I'm telling you this as a grown woman to a young lady, because you are growing up now and as a lady you need to take responsibility for your own body'

Mention smell. But also mention health! Bring up thinigs like BO, spots, blackheads, her breath and things like thrush too. It's up to her to look after her body now. You could set 'rules' that as a woman you need to shower/bath at least 3 times a week with a full hair-wash once a week (personally I do this everyday, but let's take baby steps here!). You should wash your face every morning and night and also brush your teeth. They are all good habits to get into and encourage her by saying she will have lovely clear skin and white teeth whilst her friends battle acne (kinda!).

Maybe take her to a clinique counter (or cheap version) and have a skin analysis session as a bit of fun and the products might encourage her to use them?

If all else fails, tell her she is a hobo/tramp, smells funny and looks dirty. Girls will start to laugh at her smell/period stains at sleep overs and boys won't want to touch her with a bargepole. Mean I know. But sometimes the pussyfooting just doesn't cut it!

It usually improves shower performance and speed to take the lock off the bathroom door.

yep good idea!but have to respect her privacy :)

You can knock first and give a warning...