Have namechanged for this one. Have had a few issues with DD over the summer holidays just gone re smoking, drinking, rudeness, lying, nasty behaviour to siblings etc etc. I confronted her when I found evidence of her smoking and drinking and we had a long and tearful discussion about this. She was very sullen and defensive and said it was because life is shit and we are too strict with her. I remained very reasonable (I think) and understanding and emphasised that if she did have any problems then we were here for her and we only want to help her. Cue lots of eye-rolling from her, but I ignored that. I also emphasised the dangers, legality, etc, of drinking and smoking and said that whilst I could not follow her round 24 hours a day, that I would not tolerate it in the house. She agreed that she would stop and that she only started the smoking and drinking because her friends did. I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and see if the fact that she'd been rumbled would have any effect. I left it at that.
However, since going back to school (Year 11) she has been just as rude, sullen and secretive as ever. She hides away in her room and if we ask her about this, says she is doing homework. She goes off out with her mates a lot and into town, shopping or the cinema. All seems fairly normal stuff. However, I have just found a bag with loads of filter papers, filters and a little tin with what looks like a couple of small clumps of dried scrunched up form of plant. Quite a strong pungent smell. I'm guessing it's weed.
What are the symptoms of weed smoking? She has been very secretive, sullen, bad tempered, fighting with her younger brother, stealing her sister's perfume spray, late night drinks and snacks (especially chocolate bars). She complains that she finds it hard to get to sleep and that that's why she's awake half the night and then finds it hard to get up in the morning.
I just don't know what to do now. I can't ignore it, but don't know how to proceed. Her dad will hit the roof - they have a rather volatile relationship at the best of times - but I don't feel I can hide this from him. Should I try and find out where she's got it from? Should I involve the police?? I don't know whether to go in hard or soft and to top it all she has mocks next week and an interview for college.
I am so upset and worried and wondering why she is doing this. She is such a rude, angry uncommunicative girl at home (seems to be fine at school, though) and I wonder if it's because her dad and I have gone through rough patches in the past; or whether we've been too hard, or too soft, on her; or whether she feels we prefer her siblings; or whether it's just her teenage self; or or or ...
Does anybody have any words of advice?