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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Stripper at 18th Birthday Party

22 replies

Sloobreeus · 02/12/2011 02:35

DD (17) going to 18th birthday party at the weekend, held in an outbuilding at birthday boy's house. She is part of a large circle of friends. The plan is for the boys to go for drinks at 7 at which time they will be entertained by a stripper (paid for by the boys, including DD's boyfriend). The girls will arrive at 9 for the main party. According to DD (who does not mind her boyfriend seeing the stripper) the woman is "really big". She has seen the woman from her ad on a website. I find myself more worried by DD's comments about the woman's size and figure than about the boys seeing the strip. In fact I would rather these boys saw a woman in the flesh than leer at porn on the internet (which some or all of them may do as well). Birthday boy's parents will be around throughout in the main house if not actually present at the party. Have posted for discussion - interested to know your views, whatever they are.

OP posts:

kreechergotstuckupthechimney · 02/12/2011 07:05

really?

usualsuspect · 02/12/2011 07:14

I would be ashamed of my DS if he did this, and it wouldn't happen on my property

neepsntatties · 02/12/2011 07:19

That is really unpleasant.

dexter73 · 02/12/2011 07:32

When I was 18 (many moons ago) I went to a birthday party where there was a very large stripper. At the time we thought it was quite funny (being young and very drunk/stupid) but she was made fun of and looking back it wasn't very nice at all.

Original poster

Sloobreeus · 02/12/2011 08:03

Agree with you Dexter if such unpleasantness and making fun or worse is what happens. I wouldn't allow it in my home either, Suspect. Not sure what any of the boy's parents think (if they know of course). Personally cannot understand any woman wanting to take her clothes off in front of a bunch of leering men or boys but unless she is co-erced in any way, each to her own ( slightly better than on the internet where it is impossible to tell whether women there are poor/co-erced by revolting pimps, minders, boyfriends or husbands using them as money earners). Also, would not want DP/H or son of mine seeing a strip as would feel that in any comparison I would be found very much wanting and the woman concerned ceases to be a human being. Look forward to reading more views. Thanks for responding.

OP posts:

MrsHollyandtheIvy · 02/12/2011 08:29

That is horrible, OP. As this is an age where young people are properly starting to experience sexual/ emotional relationships (don't just mean start to have sex - actually start to consider a certain level of commitment) then I feel the boy's parents should be trying to encourage their son to respect women. Teenagers looking at porn privately is one thing - condoning something so sexualised in your own home is another. What does it say about respect? Trust?

You have said the parents might not know - I have no idea of your relationship with the parents, OP, but if it were possible, I'd be tempted to speak to them.

Funnily enough, I don't think I'd have been bothered as an 18 year old girl either - I don't know whether my views on this sort of thing have changed because I'm more emotionally mature - or because I've had two children and no one in their right mind would want to see me strip. No 18 year old wants my M&S shape wear landing on his head.

coccyx · 02/12/2011 08:32

Agree with usualsuspect. Sounds awful

LaurieFairyCake · 02/12/2011 08:32

Revolting. I'd be talking to my dd about her 'boyfriend' being a mysognist, going along with peers, about feminism and my dh would be talking to the 'boyfriend' about what being a man's about and about how to respect women.

mumeeee · 02/12/2011 08:36

That sounds awful.

NormanTebbit · 02/12/2011 08:41

Christ how tacky.

Grumpla · 02/12/2011 08:47

That's really gross. And sad that your DD feels she has to be "cool" about it in order to fit in.

squishysquashy · 02/12/2011 08:53

There are some useful old posts about stripping etc with really eye opening 'feminist' arguments on explaining why it's not harmless or free choice of the stripper. Make your daughter read them.

NormanTebbit · 02/12/2011 09:10

Aye that stripper probably has kids etc spends her time being leered at for a few quid.. Imagine the humiliation at the hands of a bunch of sniggering teenagers.

Op - you should talk to your DD about this - what did the comment about the woman's size mean? That it's ok because these boys won't fancy her?
I know teenagers do stupid things but you wonder about boys who think it's okay to treat a woman like that.

mrsjay · 02/12/2011 09:45

I think thats really distatseful did they book her cos shes a big lady and wanted to laugh at her , Non of my dds 18 yr old guy friends would have a stripper and i dont think my dd would be cool with her boyfriend going to laugh at the porky stripper , its all a bit ikky tbh ,

Theas18 · 02/12/2011 10:35

How awful! Neither of my teens would be happy with that at all, and I wouldn't as a parent.

This could be one of those "my mum says I can't go" moments, because actually your DD isn't happy about it but needs a get out clause to save face,

Chaotica · 02/12/2011 10:38

That's awful. I am speechless.

kreechergotstuckupthechimney · 02/12/2011 12:57

I didn't disbelieve you, I was just shocked that this sort of thing still happened.
Many years ago, I was in a pub when a fat woman came in, identified her prey and stripped off.
It was an awful moment, neither the stripper nor the recipient enjoyed it.
Personally I think it is a misguided attempt at being cool. I doubt the people organising and paying for it would be thrilled if one of their Mum's turned up.

Get0rf · 02/12/2011 12:58

That is utterly grim. What are the parents doing in supporting this.

I really hope my daughter would blow a gasket if her boyfriend did such a thing.

Get0rf · 02/12/2011 13:00

It is horrible - when I was young there was a local strippagram, she was fat woman in her 50s with no teeth and greasy hair. It was a great local joke to get Aggie to strip for a stag night.

I can imagine all the jeering and laughter. Revolting.

mamas12 · 04/12/2011 12:03

omg to use teenage parlance.
Utterly grm
Please aske the parents if they are aware of this awful thing about to happen.
So the girls are to arrive after the 'event' are they when the boys are all riled up and raring to go after seeing a stripper.
Not in my lifetime thank you very much
It does sound like your dd wants a get out clause, does she really realise what a shit her boyfriend is by doing this and all the respect she have for him will just go in an instant if this goes on.

Please phone the parents and everyone else if it comes to it and find out the story from them and get them to bloody grow up.
Becoming 18 is time to consider this kind of thing seriously.

mamas12 · 04/12/2011 12:05

oh just saw that the party was this weekend, what happened?

mrsmplus3 · 04/12/2011 12:14

absolutely not.

its a very bad message to send out to the young people that the best way to celebrate a milestone birthday is to have a stripper??? of course on a stag do or something like that. but in the parents home? with their permission? to celebrate an 18th? no way. why do some parents feel the only way to please your kids and to accepted by them is to condone what you think they secretly want? the parents should lead by example. any kinky preferences shouldnt be shared between parent and child. if my son wants to see astripper when hes older - than 18 i hope- then i wouldnt want to know anything about it. weird. and sad. it seems the parents are at fault and desperately trying to be "cool".

with regards to your daughters comments about the girl being big - it seems that is the way in which she has chosen to make her self feel better about her bf watching a stripper - the fact that she is big, this might make her feel less threatened perhaps?

just no to the whole thing to be honest. stupid parents allowing it.

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