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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Weed Smoking - suspicious

15 replies

BerniW · 30/11/2011 15:45

Want a bit of advice. Got got 16 yr old ds who is a bit exhausting with various "issues" over the last couple of years, but is, on the whole, not a bad kid. Holding down Saturday job, working (hardish, sometimes) at his A levels and hangs out with, what I consider to be a bunch of underachieving lads.

We have kept a close eye on him and have expected behaviour from him (home at certain times, not too much booze etc), which he adheres to. All his mates smoke and I'm sure he does, but he denies it even though he often stinks of it. I can't prove it, but have said in no uncertain terms, how I disapprove (and about my fears about weed).

I'm sure I smelt "something" odd when I returned home on Sat night with dh after night out. I said his friends could come over to the house for pizza. I've got a nose like a bloodhound, my dh does not and couldn't smell anything! Told ds about my worry about the smell - he just laughed it off.

I guess what I'm wondering is, how likely are young lads to dabble in weed when out with their mates? As I said, they're not the sort I would choose for him, but they're not trouble makers or anything. Do I do a random test? - there are tests you can buy on the internet. He generally seems quite with it, although occassionally a bit "glassy eyed" which is a sign. He gets through his wages quite quickly too (that could be buying ciggies).

Am I being overly paranoid? Should I keep an eye out for more evidence?

OP posts:

BluddyMoFo · 30/11/2011 15:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

meanmomma · 30/11/2011 15:57

He's not going to own up to it is he? He knows how much you disapprove already. So if you care enough to provoke a confrontation then get a testing kit, yes. Or watch and wait some more and see how things go.

You know from his glassy eyed look and the smell that he IS smoking it.

mumblechum1 · 30/11/2011 17:23

Does it really matter if he is smoking weed occasionally, if he's doing ok with school, social and all other aspects?

Far better to have a relationship where he knows he can come to you about anything than feeling that you're going to be judgemen

mumblechum1 · 30/11/2011 17:24

tal

Theas18 · 30/11/2011 18:02

I'm sort of with mumblechum it would worry me sick, but actually if the rest of his life was 100% OK I'm not sure if I could really make a big issue of it. I might have a little " I know some of your mates smoke a bit of something that isn't tobacco ..... I was just wondering if you knew the legal stuff around possession of cannabis in case they might be asking you to ....umm....carry it for them" etc .

I'd have to look up my facts first, but I understand possession is taken more seriously than in the past- I'm not sure the police do turn a blind eye to "personal supplies" now and certainly I would want him to know what he could risk (especially if he could be "just looking after a bit for someone" etc) I'd certainly not want any kept or smoked in my house - professionally it would be disastrous for both me and DH and DS would need to be aware of this.

I'd also maybe find a bit of info re the risks of cannabis and psychosis/other mental illness. I've seen this and it's devastating. But again in a "did you know" way that is likely to get a verbal "yeah whatever mum" response- but I know my Ds would take it in and think about it.

dexter73 · 30/11/2011 18:08

What would worry me is whether or not it will stay at just weed smoking or will he move on to harder drugs. My brother and his friends started off with weed and then progressed on to speed, ecstasy, coke and heroin. Luckily my brother didn't get addicted and stopped taking drugs at about 24. Some of his friends still smoke weed and take coke now and they are all 40.

Original poster

BerniW · 30/11/2011 18:23

Thanks everyone. Kinda agree with all of you! dexter73 - I thought that about smoking ciggies (which I'm sure he does) - where could that lead next - weed maybe. I've mentioned about the psychosis/criminal record thing sort of in passing to him before.

Dh doesn't seem worried at all and is probably along the lines of "let's not worry until we really have to". I'm the pessimist who sees the worst in things. I have an older ds with whom we never had any issues at all (at uni now though, getting legless every night!).

OP posts:

FirstNoelle · 30/11/2011 18:28

I think it sounds quite likely he is smoking weed. If he is doing Ok at school, holding down a job and not acting weirdly, I would say try not to worry andsee it as a phase. It is aminly the very strong Skunk weed that is associated with mental illness. Many teens dabble with weed and grow out of it (I know I did!). He sounds like a good lad.

FirstNoelle · 30/11/2011 18:29

mainly

meanmomma · 30/11/2011 18:53

The smell of skunk is quite different to the more ordinary weed smell, much more 'wet raincoat' sort of aroma if you know what I mean.
While DS was smoking weed and things were OK I was more tolerant - if I had known the horrible downward spiral that was to come I would not have been! But not all weed smokers will go the same way of course. And it is not possible to police teenage sons all the time.

Original poster

BerniW · 30/11/2011 22:29

Hi meanmomma - how did you find out about your ds? Is he OK now - hope he is.

OP posts:

meanmomma · 01/12/2011 23:03

I think he is OK but he stopped going to school and he left home. Our lives in recent times have not been easy.
Things exploded when when he began to have more money and met someone who was not afraid of trying new drugs out - the deterioration was rapid, violent, selfish and destructive.
I never gave up talking but I learned horribly early how little influence I had - drugs are too powerful, the users do not care who they trample on to get what they want. So DS's younger brother saw things he should never have known about, the most dangerous being that his brother no longer minded causing us all pain. I got good help from a counselling service locally but my GP had never heard of them and was hopelessly out of touch although he was kind. DS's friends were mostly very good kids and so worried about him (although many had also taken weed with him) that they tried their best too. In the end the whole thing had a momentum of its own which seems at the moment to be in the balance, I am hopeful for the future but not investing all my emotional energy in that, I can't afford to.
Thanks for asking. Kind of helps me to answer.

VivaLaSativa · 01/12/2011 23:25

What mumblechum1 said is spot on. If he is a good kid like you said, He isn't hurting himself or anyone else, leave him be. There are plenty of worse things he could be doing and getting on his case about it and causing an issue is just going to create discomfort in your relationship.
He is a young adult and he sounds sensible so you really don't need to worry about him smoking a bit of weed. He may grow out of it eventually, or he could decide that he likes it a lot and that is his choice. If he does then being militant about it will only alienate him.

VivaLaSativa · 01/12/2011 23:34

FTR cannabis does not cause mental illness. I'm sick of that myth being spouted. The only reason that cannabis is linked to mental illness is because people tend to self medicate.
click me

matana · 02/12/2011 08:37

If he cares about doing well in his A levels, which he seems to, then maybe just speaking to him in a non patronising/ non judgemental way about its tendency to cause short term memory loss might be enough. I wouldn't go down the 'causes mental illness' route personally because when kids hear that they just think "oh, here we go, that old chestnut from someone who knows nothing about it". In all likelihood he'll grow out of it, even if it's in a few years. Prolonged heavy use doesn't suit many people....

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