how late should a 13 year old boy stay out after dark?

[paul57]

Help! Our 13y old son 'hates' us because we've told him he can't stay out after 6.30pm now it's dark. He says all his friends stay out way later, but talking to other parents (not his friends' parents, most of whom we don't know) seems to suggest otherwise ...
He's now maintained a kind of 'silence strike' for three days.
We have tried to sit down and explain to him on two different occasions that we've set this limit not as a punishment or anything, but because we love him and our first job as parents is to look after his safety and well-being.
Have you had a similar experience? Until what time do you allow your 13 year old out?

Depends were they are ,but 6.30 seems very early to me

I don't. Only my 16 year old is allowed out after dark alone. My dd is nearly 13 and she would need to be taken and collected from where ever she was going and none of my kids are allowed out to simply hang around.

When he's out it's just hanging at the local park, or skatepark. Pretty sure he is mixing there with older teens.
We have said we have no objection to him being out later if he's at a friends or going to the cinema and we can check and pick him up - but anxious about being exposed to drinking (local park is well-known for that) drugs, cigarettes, vandalism etc etc

I wouldn't let him go in daylight to a park like that.
If my 13 year old DS goes anywhere it's either to a friend across the road or he's taken / brought back by car.
The 15 year old is the same although he is allowed to stay out later at weekends, but is always picked up.
We live in a small village though so somewhat different.
Tonight they are both out at (different) friends for tea. The 13 year old will be picked up at 9pm and the older one at 10.30pm.

If he's hanging about on the streets or in the park and you don't really know where he is then I wouldn't. We have groups of teens of that age roaming about our village causing trouble. Chucking stuff at passing cars, scratching parked cars, kicked my neighbours back gate in for fun, smashed all the lights on the Christmas tree on the green.

Now our village is quite a middle class village so I'm sure the parents of all these darlings think they'd never do stuff like this but believe me they do. They sit on the bench opposite my house smoking, drinking and shouting abuse at people passing by.

Oooh! what a mean parent you are!

Only joking - you sound very reasonable, and I would say the same thing. He should start talking to you again around Easter when it's lighter for longer.

I would start worrying about him drinking/smoking/trying drugs in June.

Dd is just 14 and is allowed to stay out later if she is somewhere in paticular, like the cinema or a friends and I am collecting her.

If she wants to just hang around the park then she comes in at half 6 too.

Mine is 12 and has to be in by 4.30 if he is out playing football etc...basically as it's too dark to see!
If he's at a friend's house then it's 6.00.
There is no need for him to "hang out"

DS wasn't allowed to hang out after dark really until he was 15, then only on a friday or saturday night.

parks round here shut at dusk. We found that in the summer when it stays light late and the parks are open later the whole atmosphere changes after about 8pm. No more families etc in there. DS2 had a bad experience one summer when he was about 14 and we put a stop to it. I would not have let him out after 6:30 unless it was a proper arrangement.

I wouldn't let him just go to hang out after dark.

He comes home from school, and after clubs by himself, and in winter it may be dark by then, but none are particularly late. If he had been at a friend's house and it was an OK route home, then I might let him come home alone. But if DH or I could go and pick him up, we would.

6.30 is the same time as my teens (13 and 15) can be out until unless they have a pre-planned place to be such as a friend's house. What are they going to do hanging around in the dark on a street corner? Nothing very positive I assume.

Not unreasonable - just common sense.

I wouldn't make a 15 year old be in at 6.30

Yes, I'm with the concensus - late enough if not doing anything specific, then gradually increase curfew when nights get lighter, with guidelines/expectations etc. regarding location, activities, school night or not, This is roughly what we did with DS1, now 18 and are doing with DS2, now 16.

My 13 yo DS isn't allowed out after dark unless a planned visit to a friends and i would pick him up.
On the bright side thoughsilence strike has to be better than shouting!!!

We live in a small to medium I guess, sized village at least 7 miles from a town with 'anything' to do.
My 13 yr old during the winter months (dark at 4 onwards) has to be in at 6 ( suprisingly enough, more often than not tho, hes at his dads workshop in same village)