I was a bit 'Passive Agressive' with DD this morning; but I did it with the best of intents. It backfired

[KatyMac]

She has asthma & a bad cold - we are waiting to see if it develops into a chest infection.
I wasn't sure she was well enough for school (she was sent home yesterday)

So I woke her once, and then didn't do the whole nag (get up/get dressed/have breakfast etc)again

She didn't get up at all until after the bus left & was in tears because she wanted to go. DH took her but she missed most of the first lesson. And of course I feel awful.

But not nagging was so liberating for me, I am tempted to do it again tomorrow (after warning her that I'm not nagging) that's terrible isn't it?

Why is it terrible?

Because I'm taking the easy way out & she ma forget breakfast/making lunch in order to save time

Cut yourself some slack - doesn't sound so bad

Do you normally do the nagging thing? Even when she's not ill?
My boys are 12 and 14 and they basically get themselves up and sorted in the morning. They have alarm clocks, thought ds2 usually wakes up earlier anyway. Either I or dh will check they are awake at an appropriate time, but that's it.

I didn't used to but since she started the excessive after school activities I have because her eating & taking her medication is so important

Or she learned a valuable life lesson. Make your lunch the night before, set your alarm and get up when it goes off. It is hard the first time you do it but in fairness it does sound reasonable that you thought she wasn't well enough for school?

Buy her an alarm clock and let her get on with it. If she's a teenager then she's old enough to take responsibility for herself.

I work with someone who phones their 22 year old son every morning a 8am to make sure he's up for work don't let that be you in a few years! :)

I'm over reacting aren't I?

For years she did get up & get ready but once her schedule upped I took over; probably because I don't really approve of it all

Oh dear

Parenting teens is hard work. It's a fine line isn't it? I checked in on my dd this morning as we'd spent all night in hospital with her asthma. I advised her to miss uni (interfering, cotton wool mother) she chose to go in. Two hours later she was home again declaring me right and her wrong. I can fully understand your meds worry.

She 'works' as hard as me; a full week at school, plus 20 hrs of out of school activities

& then she forgets her medicine

Mine's the same. Uni all week, her job as a carer plus training. Don't be hard on yourself though. It sounds like she do with a day off.

But no school = no after school

She needs to be fit & healthy to dance

And she can't be fit and healthy without her meds and sleep. It takes them a while to figure it out but they do get there in the end (most of them seem to anyway with a lot of help from supportive mums and you sound very supportive).

You know that, I know that, but DD?

not terrible.
if she was genuinely upset this morning about missing the bus, and if you have warned her there is no more nagging then hopefully she will get up!

She won't..yet. But she will. Teens with conditions like asthma and diabetes seem to go through this at some stage. Dd had a slightly older friend at club who had diabetes, her mum went through the same things with insulin as we went through with inhalers/tablets but both girls got there in the end.

One of the things that helped my dd was an older, much admired club member who also had asthma, she helped dd to see that you can not train without adequate food, sleep or meds. Is there someone your dd looks up to who could help?

Good idea - I'll speak to school/dance school/theatre school

Thanks everyone I was feeling a bot down about it

I stopped nagging years ago ive 1 still in school 1 left , what does the nagging get you nowhere cut yourself some slack your posting in the teen bit so i think your dd should be a bit responsible for her own getting up and you did think she was ill and needed a day off , dont feel bad about it , MY dd has an awful cold at the moment and it will go into her chest shes been such a trooper and dragged herself of to a friends they are going to a concert tonight , i said have you got your inhaler erm i cant find my brown 1 sigh and that was the spare 1 i had ,

I know

This evening she has been grounded.....by the asthma nurse - she said no drumming & no choir until she is better or she won't get better

DD can either control the asthma or the asthma will control her......this didn't go down well

katymac maybe the asthma nurse will have an impact on her ,

dd1 asthma calmed down for few years it didnt really bother till she was in her last 2 years of high school so from 16/17 I think she was stressed with exams etc ,
It took her to be really ill and on a course of steroids for her to behave herself with her inhalers and take them ,
I think when they grow up a bit they think they know it all and can cope , but your dd will be fine and if shes going to miss her things because if it
she will start to look after herself properly , I think the responsibility lies on her shoulders with you nagging gently behind her ,