DD isn't happy at uni

[Happymum22]

My Dd came home last weekend, it was so amazing to have her home, we just stayed in and had a lovely time. When it got to her going back she burst into tears, said she misses me and home so much even though she really enjoys uni. I dropped her at the station and she went off back to uni in tears.
Her course isn't many hours a week and while she has reading and work to do in the other hours she says its lonely at halls during the day and some days she has times she just cries and feels so alone missing home.
Her course is good but she said she wishes she'd just done primary teaching straight off, which is what she wants to do eventually but decided to do a degree in a subject first then PCGE.
She talked about how nice living at home and commuting to the nearby uni which does primary teaching and is excellent would be, and how she'd be much happier at home... but she doesn't want to drop out, has made friends and likes it in the evenings socialising and lectures.. its just these hours sitting trying to work she can't cope. She knows living at home would mean no sical life as all her home friends are at uni too, and she desperately wants to stick it out.
She wants to come home more but doesn't like missing out on the social side of uni and says coming home makes her even more homesick when shes back.
I am very close to her and miss her greatly too but want her to stick it out, she was really enjoying uni and happier before she came home, now she's in pieces again.
I've tried suggesting going to the library or time to relax and go shopping or generally get out of halls and be busier but she said she has so much work she needs to just get it done and she can't work in the library.

I don't know what else to suggest, I can't see her until christmas now and she's devestated thinking of 4 weeks to get through until she can come home. I know she just needs to be busier but she has to get this work done too.
She has busy weekends going to see her boyfriend and having friends from home to stay as well as having other weekends with uni friends.

I just want to run and hug her but I can't afford to keep going and don't have the time any of the next few weekends before christmas- also know this woulnt help her.

She will be fine. Some people prefer to have people around them. Working from home took some time to get used to!

It sounds like she is enjoying university life but perhaps overthinking things a little.

I think all you can do is reassure her. It is a big change and it sounds as if she is finding the independent learning a challenge. She will get used to it. Can she break up the hours by going to the gym it onto campus for a coffee?

Does her uni provide her with a specific tutor she can go and talk to? DS started this year, and they each have a "Director of Studies" (IIRC) who they are meant to go and talk to about anything that's bothering them, to do with the course or other stuff. Or if not, then there will be a welfare service, and a chaplaincy (they'll chat to anyone who needs a bit of support even if they're not religious). I'm sure she'll settle in soon enough but it's all a lot to deal with in the first term specially. But uni's do know that, and I think they've got a lot better at trying to support students while they find their feet.

Could she volunteer in a local (to the uni) primary school for a few hours each week? They would be delighted to have her and it will look brilliant on her CV when the time comes to apply for PGCE.

I think it's completely normal to be homesick. I hope it all works out.

If she's finding the isolation while studying a problem how about encouraging her to find a study buddy or study group? Presumably she's made a few friends on her course who she could approach? It's more companionable reading together and chatting about concepts is a good way to get to grips with them.

She'll be fine both DD2 and DD2 were homesick at first. DD1 was at uni in our home city. So she was able to come home if she felt she wanted to see us. DD2 is 3 hours a way from us. She came home a quite a bit at first but it gradually got less as she made friends and did things on the days she wasn't in uni. She's now in het third year and even stayed up there for most of the summer ad she had a part time job in a themselves park.

She needs to stick it out.. it WILL get better and the first term is the hardest.
My DD1 was hideously homesick, lonely and miserable ..and was utterly astounded at how much she missed home and her siblings and I was in a similar position of trying to encourage her while really I wanted to grab her bring her home and make it all better! My DD was also bullied in her flat (hall of resi) by a spectacularly unpleasant girl and went from being a confident person to a withdrawn anorexic.

BUT..big but here... she stuck it out.. and gradually adjusted, gradually made a lovely bunch of friends and (with support for her anorexia which was triggered by her anxiety and is now massively improved) is now back for her second year a hell of a lot more confident, a hell of a lot happier and she is now very glad she didn't quit and come home! It took a long time for her to feel that Uni was a good place to be, but gradually she has relaxed, found her feet and I'm no longer getting nightly skype calls as she is too busy enjoying herself!

The first Christmas was difficult for us, knowing we would have to send her back to somewhere she was miserable, after a happy time at home, but she soldiered tho and in the end it has been ok.

I honestly think that teens going off to uni aren't prepared for how difficult the transition is for a LOT of them. It's sold to them as exciting and grown up and parties and new friends and the reality at first is bewilderment, loneliness and missing Mum. My friend's DD is now in her 3rd year and still suffers homesickness at the beginning of term but then she switches into Uni mode and is ok again!

Tell her to hang in there....:)

I suspect this is the lowest point (barring exams I guess) for new students. Even my eldest is now feeling a bit homesick and missing us, and she's the most level headed, easy going, friend making kid. She also has her singing , which she loves and provides another regular thing to do, another support network and a few £ bursary.

I know I'm still missing her like crazy.

I totally agree with the poster that said try some voluntary work in a school-doing something outside of uni could be really good for her in so many ways- and in a school she'll get a bit of "mothering" and support too, as well as keeping her "eyes on the prize" of why she's doing the PGCE in the 1st place.

I hated University untl the 4th year when I finally settled in. I was desperately homesick, wished I could live at home and was just quite bored, miserable and lonely. It isn't for everyone.

Autumn term wibbles is extremely common for freshers. I hope she can stick it out because they usually settle by end of the year & are glad they stayed.

Thanks for all the replies- very reassuring and suggested to her to school idea.
Spoke to her just now and she is much happier, has had a better day busying herself in the library (yes Theas18 she has an exam tomorrow which isn't helping with her stress levels!) and went for lunch with a friend. She also has got further with finding a group to share a house with next year which while seems very early and I guess this is likely to change, it reassures her for now and is one less thing to worry about!
She is at a very good russell group uni so knows she has worked very hard to get there and that it is where she wants to be so I hope she sticks at it.
I think she is much more positive today and recognises there will be ups and downs and coming home especially while it was wonderful did disrupt her and remind her of home comforts and everything she misses.
She said she is going to use the library more to busy herself and stop these long days at halls as well as looking into setting up a placement in a primary school next term.
Know she will have her downs soon but she seems to have got her calm head back on that uni is where she wants to be and as much as she misses home she is enjoying uni and it is the best place for her right now.
Happy daughter again :D yay!

OP I'm so pleased she's happier. I just wanted to say - I could have been your daughter (I'm in my final year at the moment and have submitted my PGCE application!). Getting a placement in a primary school is a great idea - I'm sure she'll have a great time. I went through a lot of hassle trying to sort out a house (landlords and agencies causing trouble and I seemed to be the one sorting it every time), but unlike your DD I didn't want to tell my mum because I was scared she'd be sad for me (and there were lots of changes at home so I didn't want to add to her burden). My boyfriend talked me into going to the GP who sent me for counselling and it was the best thing I could have done - I only went for 1 hour a week for 4 weeks at first, but if anything is getting a bit much I go back. It was lovely to have a place where I could sit and talk rubbish/burst into tears/rant about work/complain about problems with the house - I was so sceptical at first, but I am so much happier afterwards.

All I really wanted was a neutral person to say "it will be ok, you have not made a huge mistake, you have so much to be happy about". I felt it wouldn't have counted coming from my mum/friends/boyfriend because they "have" to say it.

Be happy that your DD is happy to talk to you - she'll be fine.

Definitely encourage her to help out in a primary school, she'll need the experience for her PGCE application and it's good to get it done now before the workload picks up in second and third year.

Also encourage her to chedk out the societies and volunteering opportunities through the union, they're really good ways to meet new and like-minded people and the volunteering opps will give her useful experience too.

Also, anything like a part-time job or helping out at a Brownie pack - they're all things that have picked me up when I'm feeling a bit down.

ITS HARD points to self first year, never thought i'd get homesick, never thought i'd miss home, reading week was the hardest litrally the mention of 'dad; i'd be in tears, i haven't been able to go home yet due to expense and my course has ALOT of reading and assignments, it was my birthday today aswel, which was difficult but luckily i've got a good group of friends in my flat.
make her busy (i'm guessing she's going home within the next week for xmas, i know i'm going home (technacly) tomorow) i hope she does settle i know a lot of people who were soo unhappy for the first few months and have now settled, it is the lonliness thats the problem tho (for example right now its half 4, everyones in bed and i'm wide awake) i'm hoping she doesn't have the insomnia issue that many students appear to get after a few months away from home, just try to stay away as much as possible i know it may be hard but dont do a sussane (my family when Janey went to uni and susane was phoning a million times a day) let her call u and just drop a text every now and then, are you on facebook? i know thats the way i've been contacting my family the most its so much easier and a bit less emotion tied it may sound really hard, but you need to appear like you're not missing her, coz if your kinda emotional about it that will make it worse for her as it could be she feels bad that u feel bad i hope all is well and she doesn't drop out if she loves her course she shouldn't drop out if every part of uni was getting her down, maybe a little different, best of luck and lots of loves to the both :)

If she can't get into a school, could she volunteer for a childrens' charity to help fill in some of the time, do something useful etc?

I was miserably home sick most of my first year. After that I settled in so well I never left my uni city! She will be fine. She sounds really sensible. Hope you have a lovely Christmas