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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

How to deal with weight/dieting issues of a nearly 13 yr old in a relaxed and helpful way?

6 replies

RenskeMc · 10/11/2011 09:58

I would like your advice please. My very nearly 13 yr old stepdaughter who has lived with me for years is very mature for her age mentally and physically. She already has a cup D and a very tall and curvy figure. She is mixed race and has a typical Jamaican body, in my opinion beautiful but a lot more curvy than her yr 8 friends (majority caucasian so not many fellow mixed race/black friends which would help i think). Her dad also tends to put on weight quickly but he exercises a lot and is fit. I am a professional model so a size 8 but I have always said that as I am Dutch, I am typically long and lanky, and that I was actually bullied for my skinny body when a teen. She is quite proud to be 'black' usually and we always point out Beyonce as an example of gorgeousness, so I homestly dont think she wants to be like me/superkinny but she has started mentioning that she is fat.
We all love food and cooking in this family and we have always said that as we eat healthily (we are vegetarian), she shouldnt focus on food but more on exercise which we all do a lot of. She swims, dances and walks a fair bit but is still starting to put on a weight a bit (could well be part of growing phases though). I try to be very positive about her body (she truly has amazing boobs, which she loves to point out and proudly compare as I have a very small A cup) and take her to Zumba etc. However, yday she came home starving saying 'i only had cake for lunch'....i asked her in the evening if she ate cake because she wanted to skip lunch (i know a bit of a weird way to diet but she is only 12 and has no idea) and she admitted that yes, she is worried about her weight. So, the question is, do I teach her how to eat well and if she really wants to keep an eye on her weight what foods to eat and avoid (without turning it into a diet) or should I totally ignore this subject but let her do weird stuff like skipping meals and eating crap instead? What a minefield!! My best friend suffered from anorexia and bulimia for 17 years so I am very scared to do the wrong thing. My husband says to chill out but I am too aware that girls are very busy with this subject and Id rather know than no know... What to do??
Thanks!
Renske

OP posts:
ragged · 10/11/2011 10:03

When I worried about my weight, age 14, I started eating a bag of peanuts every day for lunch. Thinking it wasn't very much food. I had no idea peanuts were high in fat!

So I am wondering if it'd be good to talk about nutrition very positively, about nurturing one's body, don't shun talk of calories but talk about filling calories that give you energy and getting a good balance of all the right nutrients, and how that satisfies one body so you have energy but don't feel too hungry.

Obviously cake isn't optimal, either.

talkingnonsense · 10/11/2011 10:08

I think you are right to concentrate in healthy eating rather than dieting. Perhaps try to focus on food that is not processed, lots of veg, good proteins. Also lots of exercise, lots of teenage girls stop sporting activities becasuet they are self conscious. Does she have family members who could be positive role models, especially if also mixed race? She does sound gorgeous so tell her that often. A size8 model step mum mustbe hard for any teenager!

shagmundfreud · 10/11/2011 10:40

You could be talking about my dd, who is mixed race, twelve, a bit plump, curvy, and wears a d cup bra already.

It's very hard for them to resist the unhealthy eating habits many of their friends will have.

My dd started going to fried chicken shops on the way home from school with her friends when she started secondary. Also buying cans of drinks. In a really short space of time she PILED on weight and is only now, slowly, starting to slim down a bit.

I've talked to her a lot about 'empty calories' - explaining how having even a couple of cans a week of fizzy drink on a regular basis can, over the course of a year result in significant weight gain. Also about how it's important to eat regularly, and to eat food with fibre, plus fruit and veg. Protein at EVERY meal.

She refuses to eat breakfast now, so I buy her a yogurt drink to have on her way to school. She comes home hungry and I encourage her to make herself scrambled eggs, or cold chicken, rather than crisps and sweets.

I'm thinking about getting her to watch Super Size Me with me: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Super_size_me which will put her right off junk food.

I've discouraged her from going to chicken shops by discussing animal welfare issues (these shops use very low grade factory farmed meat. Sometimes you can see the marks of the abcesses the chickens have developed from being crowded into small cages before being slaughtered). Also discussed shops reusing oil too many times.

Good luck with your step daughter!

RenskeMc · 10/11/2011 10:50

Wow shagmundfreud (:) cool name), we are very much in the same boat! My stepdaughter also doesnt want breakfast, which causes her to come home absolutely starving and she ends up raiding the cupboards as well as eating a massive meal at dinner. I am just so glad we are vegetarians at home so she cant possibly overeat on fats (we dont eat dairy either as my husband is allergic). She has unfortunately started to eat meat when she is out of the house but that was always going to be her choice.
Talkingnonsense; i know it cant be easy having a model as a stepmum...i have always battled with that and quit the job many times over the last 12 yrs, however as I now have a 2 yr old, its the best paid job with minimal hours so i have chosen to go back to it. I actually honestly prefer curvey women to model-bodies so i think she does believe it when I admire her curves. I am terrible liar which she knows so i hope she feels i mean it.

OP posts:
talkingnonsense · 11/11/2011 16:22

Just a thought, but is she getting enough protein and iron? Girls start to need more of both at the same time they develop/ start menstruating, and that could explain why she has started eating meat. An iron supplement might not be a bad idea, and check she is getting a variety of vegetable proteins- teenage veggies often live on cheese! And fizzy drinks are v bad for depleting calcium, another thing teenage girls often lack.

ScarlettIsWalking · 11/11/2011 21:29

It sounds like you are really trying to help her in a positive and sensitive way, which is nice Smile

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