Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

Original poster

First love!

19 replies

thatsanothergreyhair · 04/11/2011 18:15

DS 14 started going out with his first gf (also 14) two weeks ago - all seems very sweet so far. Although they are at different schools, it seems very intense at this stage; every waking minute spent facebooking when they are not together. We have let them just get on with it so far, but without a doubt school work is suffering (not to mention poor friends and family - who are they?)

Think we need to start limiting contact a bit, but this is all new to me - don't want to be an ogre but at the same time don't want to see him throw himself into this at this expense of everything else, to possibly get his heart broken in a few weeks/months time.

Oh dear feeling very ill-equipped to be mum of a teenager in love. I would really appreciate your advice and experience!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

thatsanothergreyhair · 05/11/2011 07:47

Bump.

Anyone??

OP posts:

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs · 05/11/2011 08:11

Mine is yet to start all that nonsense she is only 10. From what I remember, and it's a long time ago, pre internet and mobile phones, I yearned to be with Gary to the exclusion of everything else.
My parents just limited our contact to two evenings a week and weekends. I know it is much harder now with all the electric devices, but can you try that.

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 05/11/2011 08:47

Let it run its course. Seriously:)
I would say on school day it's homework first (or 'see X til 7pm then in for homework..whatever works for you) but otherwise let it go. Having been there with 3 of mine the futility of trying to control THE ROMANCE OF ALL TIME was just a waste of my sanity !

Oh but be prepared to remove phone at bed time if they are prone to long late night conversations or texts:) I was quite firm about that... if they had been together ALL day at school and half the evening they could at least sleep in peace!!

Good luck...

Original poster

thatsanothergreyhair · 05/11/2011 13:53

Thank you for your replies rips and med. Yes I remember being a teenager in love too, but today it's scarey with the vast choice of ways to communicate!!! Think we'll go for the homework first approach and try to step back; being nosey and interfering is my forte so it won't be easy :)

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 05/11/2011 14:04

They always throw themselves into it and then get their hearts utterly broken! And then they realise it's not the end of the world after all and move on and hopefully learn something from it :)

Agree with homework first and be there with the tissues later - other than that don't get involved unless he asks your advice.

SecretSquirrels · 05/11/2011 16:44

My DS1 was the same. When he tentatively asked me whether he was allowed to have a GF I never expected the intensity of it. He was 13.5 and they have just broken up almost two years later.
We had the intensive texting but outside of school they didn't see much of each other apart from the odd cinema trip at weekends, more in school holidays. I did stress at the beginning that he should not neglect his friends and should maintain his own interests. I gave him lots of "talks" but I think it was fairly chaste.
I was very careful never to critcise Her and only gently reminded him that it would not last forever.

Exactly one week after they broke up (it fizzled out really) he has a new girlfriend and if I thought he could text for England before I had no idea.......

BertieBotts · 05/11/2011 17:52

He asked if he was allowed to have a GF?? Awwwww!

SecretSquirrels · 05/11/2011 18:46

Yes he asked my permission. I must be such a tyrant.
You know those moments you'll remember in detail forever from when they were toddlers, well this is up there with them.

Original poster

thatsanothergreyhair · 05/11/2011 22:29

Thanks all. Time to get my head round another exciting phase then

OP posts:

stellsie · 07/11/2011 09:03

SecretSquirrels - sorry to gatecrash but i have just posted a question regarding my 13 (almost 14) DD who is very 'loved up' with her boyfriend, same age. If you dont mind me asking (if you do then I understand of course!), do you know if your DS & his girlfriend, the one he was with for 2 years, went further than kissing etc? I suppose I am trying to work out if it is just my DD who is mental for even talking (on facebook to boyfriend) about eventually having sex! I know hormones are obviously raging and things have changed from my day, but although I got up to lots of other fun stuff i didnt actually have sex until i was a little under 16, and with my boyfriend who i'd been with for a year.

Thanks for your help and sorry again for sticking my oar in!

SecretSquirrels · 07/11/2011 14:32

stellsie - no they didn't.
I raised the subject at regular intervals, starting at first when he was 13 with a warning about how things can get out of hand quite easily.
He's a very mature 15 and I recently had a discussion about the pitfalls of relying on condoms especially if you are inexperienced in using them.
At every stage his answer has been to the effect of we are not having sex and we do not plan to. I believe him.
Now he's madly in love with the new girlfiend (I quite like that typo) I suppose I'm going to have to have the talk again. He thinks I'm obsessed with sex and must have been a bad girl when I was his age if I think all teenagers are at it
I keep saying that it's my job as a parent to make sure he knows the consequences of under age or unprotected sex.

TheOriginalFAB · 07/11/2011 14:36

My 10 year old has already asked me when he can have a girlfriend .

SecretSquirrels · 07/11/2011 17:05

Does he want one for Christmas?

TheOriginalFAB · 07/11/2011 18:36

He doesn't want one really. I think he finds the fact that girls like him embarrassing.

anewyear · 17/11/2011 12:32

at OriginalFAB's 10yr old
My 10 yr old wants nothing to do with them..lol

sarah120776 · 14/12/2011 07:46

iv just been through this with my dd she has just turned 13 and has just had her heart broken for the first time (bless) i just let it run its course , she seems fine now ..... i guess there will be many more ;)

mrsjay · 14/12/2011 09:53

Let them carry on as they are school work wont suffer that much imo let it fizzle out and dont stress about it , It could all be over next week ,

Koriana · 15/12/2011 14:39

I think it happens too early, and I'm still a teen myself. Never crushed on anyone, except maybe Darren Criss ;) Most of my friends had their first kiss when they were ten/eleven, just to 'see what it was like'. We're not even close to being the 'popular kids', either. They tell me kissing's overrated, but if they just grab the first breathing specimen...it's going to be!

Koriana x

YogiEm · 16/01/2012 15:43

Help help help! I have a 16 year old daughter that is taking her GCSE's in a few months. However she started going out with a boy in October, he seems nice, however her grades have dropped so much since she met him, she had been predicted B's and C's the last year but after her mocks its all D's and E's.

She's totally obsessed with the boyfriend and I'm at a loss what to do. She has told her sister she's moving out.

I don't want to stop her seeing him (by the way he's 18). But when I try and limit their time together she goes nuts and sulks and lies to me.

Its so hard trying to know the best thing to do.

Anyone got any ideas??

Flip