14 year old DD does NO exercise.....

[froot]

....and seriously needs to. She is 5 ft 4 and around 11 stone, eats really healthily at home (but I suspect eats crap the rest of the time). She loves fruit and veg but also loves the junk - who doesn't at her age...

We have a cross trainer and a treadmill at home (me and DH use both regularly) but she refuses to exercise. Her brother is 17 and skinny, he doesn't exercise either really but luckily for him has a naturally athletic physique. Both of them used to do various things like swimming, gym etc but as they went through the early teenage years they gradually dropped them. She used to do lots of drama which took up a lot of her spare time, this as dropped off too now in favour of things like choir and debate club and band practice but she could easily fit in 20 or 30 mins of activity if she chose to. I really wouldn't mind what she did, I would drive her to anything and happily fork out for any class, but she just doesn't want to.

I took her to Zumba twice but then she wouldnt go with me any more because there were some girls she didn't like there. She is a happy child but I am worried about her increasing size - she is a hearty size 14 (not age 14 but ladies size 14) with a 32 inch waist at least. We have a family history of heart disease (I have avoided the 'f' word because she has had a meltdown about being overweight in the past and I dont want her to have low self esteem )and tried to get her to understand she needs to exercise for the sake of her health. I have tried not making a big deal of it, making a big deal of it (not in a losing my temper way but in a serious ish way) , cajoling, discussing, over the past six months but now I am seriously considering a) taking her to the doctor but I think this might lead to 'a diet' - which I want to avoid or b) bribery.

Any thoughts or ideas or has anyone had the same situation?

14 is a difficult age - lots of 'non sporty' girls seem to stop any sort of exercise around this age. My 14 year old is very slim, but I was concerned she didn't do anything in the way of fresh air and exercise. Fortunately, she wants to do her Duke of Edinburgh, which requires sn hours physical activity a week. She chose riding lessons - not cheap, but money well spent, I think.

Would your daughter like to do DofE - if the school don't offer it, there may be non school groups in your area?

How much does she walk? If you dress it up as giving her extra independence (of course you have to do that too!) can you get her to walk/use public transport more?

Agree she does need something with a bit of cardio involved in it too. If she likes drama would a dance class appeal?

She might be too self conscious to go to an excercise class, feeling that she is too 'fat' and everyone will look at her (I used to bunk p.e. every week because of this reason). what about just finding a pretext to go on a long walk somewhere with her occasionally? Or alternatively a street-dance or contemporary dance class, if there are any in your area? She sounds like me in my teenage years! (skinny brother included)

She has healthy school lunches but spends her babysitting money on sweets etc. Won't entertain dofE unfortunately...

do you ferry her to the school gate by car?? If not she gets quite a bit of exercise actually- walking to school/the bus and back again plus trekking round school every day. My DD wore a pedometer for a few days and did way in excess of her 10K steps.....so don't knock her down as doing "no excercise"..... just not enough to balance the crap she's eating!

Yes she could look at more exercise and family exercise is the best and flippin fun too, but will she look at the junk in her diet?

My eldest was v non sporty but as I say did plenty of walking and ate moderately well. I guess she was 10.5-11 stone though and shorter than your DD.... now she is at uni with her new friends she's doing excercise classes fgor fun, and off her own bat, which is great.

How about getting her a bike and encouraging her to cycle to her friends/activities? Also gives her a bit of independence and doesn't seem like "exercise" as such more a way of getting from A to B.
Is she aware of her weight, does it bother her?

i dont know what to advise apart from plenty of walking.. were in the same boat here , DD is 15 and most her clothes are a size 16-18, shes 5ft 7, her 17 year old sister also 5ft 7 is only in a 12-14 .. we bought a wii but she lost interest in it, they both do alot of walking as we refuse to be a taxi

if you're worried about her weight, i'm really sorry- but you need to be blunt with her.

despite eating healthily and liking exercise my DD was always a heavy girl. when she was about 16 she was 10 and half stone but only 5"2 however, she was quite confident in her body as she carried the weight on just her boobs and hips- which meant she still looked amazing and a lot lighter than she was despite being so overweight for such a small girl.

sadly though when she joined 6th form got a bit over confident and started eating like her skinny friends who had been blessed with fast metabolisms and were therefore always popping to the shops for chocolate. in two months she went up to about about 11 and a half stone- which completely crossed the fine line she was edging on. it was hard and we had a few tears, but i let her know that she had been eating junk and this was not good for her. make sure you tell her she's beautiful, but you want her to be healthy.

DD went on weight watchers with me a couple of months later, and although it wasn't a massive transformation- she shifted the weight she put on and is now happily veering around 10 and a half stone, which is still overweight for her BMI- but it's the weight she's comfortable at, and still looks fabulous at. also, her eating habits have changed completely, she doesn't eating carbs apart from the occasional slice of brown bread or little chocolate bar, enjoys vegetables more and eats much smaller portions.

i know it's a difficult conversation to have, but you need to tell her that she's on an unhealthy path and there is no need to be buying sweets everyday- it's a waste of money and it's promoting seriously bad eating habits that are going to stick with her for life if you and her don't do something about it soon.

Peeling she does like dance and I have persuaded her to try Bodyjam with me this Thursday at a leisure centre a few miles away so hopefully no 'mean girls there. Thea she walks 20 mins to school and back daily (40 mins combined) but thats obv not enough to balance her calorific intake. Alouette - I am a weightwatchers devotee myself and I think that as we are a relatively slender family this is a bit of a rebellion.

I was 3 stone overweight after she was born and got it off with ww and have basically stayed within 10 lb of my goal ever since so she has never known me podgy. She is a confident girl rookie but I know she felt self concious on holiday this year and I dont wan't her to lose her exuberant character. Alouette I know I may have to be blunt if this doesn't work just with exercise alone - but I think it might be easier when she is 15 or 16 rather than at a delicate 14.......or do you disagree?

It's a really difficult one. I was an overweight child and teenager and I think i would have reacted badly if my Mum had shamed me into going on to WW when I was a teenager, I ended up losing weight myself and have spent most of the last 20 years gaining and losing the same stone and a half, although I am within normal weight.

I am not a great fan of WW as it doesn't deal with the underlying issues why people overeat. In your DD's case it sounds like it is for comfort - doesn't feel like she is part of the in crowd, usual teenager lack of self confidence.

I think you are doing the right thing although I find functional exercise to be less time consuming rather than classes so walking and cycling are good. You obviously have a healthy kitchen if you are WW yourself. Anything that encourages her own confidence and self belief is good, so debating etc is all great.

I wouldn't force her to go on a diet at age 14. Where is she getting all the sweets and treats from - if its her pocket money could she be encouraged to channel it elsewhere. Could you get her doing gardening, mowing lawn etc for extra money to get her moving a bit more.

You sound like a great Mum btw.

Awwww rookie thanxx. One of my close friends was 'put on a diet' at 14 and it scarred her for life (and she has carried an extra 4 stone the whole 25 years I have known her - I met her when she was 23) which is why I want to hold off a little longer before moving from 'healthy eating and exercise' to 'lose weight!'

DD is actually a pretty confident child - loves nothing more than to be on stage (she was in fact age 10 the most well fed Oliver! ever) and I dont want her to lose that.

She was actually a ginormous baby - in fact the day she was born they marvelled at her girth on the ultrasound and she has maintained her chubby toddler figure (including those thighs that are so adorable on a baby) her whole life. She has always been solid and chunky, only started her periods in January aged 13 1/2 and I hoped after that she would grow suddenly and 'stretch' but in fact the reverse has happened (not that she has shrunk, just that she has got plumper not stretched out). She has grown an inch since then but has probably put on a stone and a half - not that she will allow me to weigh her - although I know she weighs herself....

Good idea to pay her for doing active jobs...my car needs a wash..

Is there another Zumba class you could try close by, without the mean girls there?

If she's eating a lot more than she should be, and she's been doing it for a long time, it'll take more than a few exercise classes for her to lose weight.

I think a lot of parents assume that exercise works miracles for weight loss. It doesn't if the child continues to over eat. My nephews are obese, despite being very active (rugby, swimming, long walks to school) because they simply eat massive portions and eat between meals.

Do you cook for her? Are you or your husband overweight? Are your portion sizes ok?

Explain to her that even an extra 500 calories (a couple of cans of coke and a bag of crisps) a week will, over the course of a year result in signficant weight gain.

My dd is a bit overweight. I strongly discourage her from drinking fizzy drinks - something most of her friends do on a regular basis. I try to make her see that what goes into her mouth should have some nutritional value, especially if it has a lot of calories...