My dd is 14.5 and a few months ago starting hanging out with a bunch of friends, some of whom are several years older. Initially I was pleased that she had developed a social life, because last year she went through a period of what I can only describe as depression, and her confidence was very low.
(I should add that last year we moved to London (me, dd and ds), but after a few months the children were so unhappy that they asked to move back to live with their dad (we separated 7 years ago). I agreed to this, and although it's been a terrible wrench, they settled back into their old schools well and seemed happier. So now I live in London and they come and stay with me every other weekend and in the school hols.)
Anyway, a few weeks ago dd started "disappearing" with her friends - staying out late, not returning home when she was supposed to - and this escalated rapidly into a situation where for two days running she disappeared from school and xh had no option but to call the police and report her missing.
The police found her, but to our horror she was found with one of her schoolfriends in a grotty flat belonging to an 18 yr old lad (one of the older friends) smoking dope.
The school have been supportive - they know she's a bright kid and could do well, and consider her to have "fallen in with the wrong crowd". They agreed with us that the best thing to do was for me to bring her to London until the new year in order to remove her from the situation, which we did.
Now we're nearing the new year and I'm dreading sending her back in case she starts disappearing again. We've talked about it while she has been here with me, and she is able to sound pretty reasonable. But I am scared that she is just saying what I want to hear and will just pick up where she left off when she goes back. The school have already suspended her after the previous incident, and my fear is that if she carries on they'll exclude her.
I've asked her to come up with a plan that she's willing to stick to (i.e. when she can go out and what time she will be back etc), because I feel there's a better chance she'll stick to that than a plan imposed on her by us. I've also told her that if she does continue to behave as before she will have to come and live with me (something she doesn't want - she has no friends in London).
Am I being too soft? Any ideas from other parents of teenagers?