17 year old son out till 4am

4 replies

LilleyAnne · 30/10/2011 04:04

Hello you guys .....my first ever post!
My 17 yr old son arrived home at 4am after a 1pm curfew. His dad was on watch
but fell asleep hence no text contact to find out where he was.
Do I make an almighty fuss...threaten removal of money, lifts, driving lessons etc?? He's doing his A levels this year but will flunk them at this rate

OP posts:

mathanxiety · 30/10/2011 04:21

Did he bump into my DD2 while he was out? [hwink]

I have no curfew but I ask them when they'll be home (expect reasonable answer) and then hold them to it. Any sign whatsoever of drinking and they lose going out privileges and I phone parents of children they were with for a little chat (so far have seen no sign of drinking). Same goes for any dip in school results, any homework not turned in on time or all-nighters pulled in order to keep up. I sometimes think I am training them to burn the candle at both ends. But so far so good.

DD2 has already passed her driving test and I don't give pocket money so I can't really take away money she has earned for herself.

mathanxiety · 30/10/2011 04:24

DD2 just got in, about 10 mins early.. Back to bed so.

I would sit down with your DS when you've both had some sleep and have a chat about what page you're both on. Best not to throw the kitchen sink of exams and late nights at him all at the same time when he's coming down from the up of being out with friends. Teens sometimes need a decompressing period before you can expect them to respond reasonably.

Slightlyreluctantexpat · 30/10/2011 05:08

I don't have a curfew either but I do expect my DS (also 17) to stay in touch if he's going to be home really late. I don't wait up for him.

I take your point about big exams looming but so long as the late nights are only happening once a week I don't think they are a huge issue per se. Doing the bloody homework on the other six nights will make a bigger difference.

If I were you, OP, in the morning I'd have a calm conversation about what happened last night that delayed him by three hours and why he failed to communicate with you about it. Take it from there. Almighty fuss might not be necessary. Or it might.

I'm in a different time zone here - it's lunchtime - and I am in the middle of making an almighty fuss about why so much homework has been left till the Sunday afternoon at the end of half term. Have just been uttering the wise words about how university will be so difficult if DS doesn't learn some self-discipline this year. Mostly falls on deaf (headphoned) ears.

mumblechum1 · 30/10/2011 08:19

My 17 yr old isn't home yet but he told me he and his mates are staying in tents or a barn somewhere on the property of his friend who had a birthday party last night.

I don't stay up, he has cash for taxis and knows that if he's staying out he phones at a reasonable time to let us know.

I'm sure it must be different if you have girls, but with boys I know he's with his mates, they look after each other, so I don't worry.

btw he's also doing A levels and has about 6 pieces of homework he's put off till today after being off all week

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