Teen vs. Dad

[FionaWhitstable]

My DH and DS (14 yrs old) are always arguing. My DH nags DS constantly and when DH is grumpy or tired has sworn and shouted at DS. My DS says that if my DH does not leave him alone then he will leave home. I have spoken to DS about this - he thinks I am on DS side but I am not I just want peace! Any advice?

We have a little of this at home. DS also 14. I just put it down to male pissing contests on DH's part. And it is all DH's fault. Because whilst my DS is a typical teenager, there is no excuse for a 49yr old man . He shouldn't be competing with him. We have had a lot of talking about this and it has got better but still he comes out with the little digs - if I praise DS1, DH has to make some little comment to take the shine off it. But as long as he says it to me and not DS it can't hurt. And he has started to say some positive things to DS now.

What does your DH say to the 'leave home' threat? Ask him how he would feel in DS's place.

I'm the one who has to do all the nagging and discipline in this house.
An advantage of being an older father is that my DH is retired and just looks on indulgently at DS trying to be alpha wolf. In fact it's a standing family joke about pack order. (I'm at the top - just).

What is he nagging your boy about?

Yep we kind of have this to a certain extent too.

DH was away at boarding school from a young age and his father worked abroad so he didn't actually see a great deal of typical family life, and has somewhat Victorian odd ideas about behaviour.

DS meanwhile is a ball of hormones and rebelling against boundaries, but on the whole a good boy.

Meanwhile I am in the middle playing peace-keeper.

It does seem to be the jostling for alpha male thing.

Thank you so much. It is great to read your experiences and thoughts, makes me feel not so stressed about it :)
I meant to say I spoke to DH, soz, but seems that you got that!

I will talk to DH again. The three things limit is a good idea. I will think about it first. Yes, to keep going over it again and again is so tedious, they are trivial things to me and I can't seem to make DH understand how upsetting it is to have to deal with their fights on a daily basis.

He nags him about:
The time he comes in.
The time he spends on PS.
His room. Leaving TV on.
His homework. His appearance.
His eating habits. Does not want him to drink Coke or eat fast food.
His friends ( he is very alpha-male and gives what DS calls "evils" to the ones does not take to!)
His not wanting to sit down to family meal nightly ( I say as long as we eat together on Sunday I don't mind other nights)
His overuse of phone downloads.
The thing is my DS is lovely, doing good at school, he is teen with all teen habits, not annoying like my DH makes out and that is what causes the upset for me and DS.

So lots to think about and will have to wear UN hat for a bit longer!

Hi
this is my first post on MN.
We have the same problems! 15 yrs old DS and DH. We sat down again at the w/e (again!) to discuss my DH's attitude to DS and teenagers in general (whom he says he doesn't like).
I told them both that I'm not going to referee between them any more. The last big argument they had DS told DH to f* of. DH them stormed out of the house and didn't come back for an hour.
Anyway we've tried to reach an agreement. DS has certain jobs he has to do, DH is going to try to be more civil (on the basis that he doesn't talk to anyone else like that, so why is OK to talk to DS like that?). DH is also going to try counting to 10 before saying anything derogatory. DS has also promised not to swear in the house(!).
Peace has reigned for a few days now, but for how long this will last is anyone's guess.
Also DH appears to be suddenly turning into his dad, at the age of 45 and is acting 10 years older than he was a year ago! (but that's another discussion altogether).
Honestly it's like dealing with 2 kids not 1.

my husband and 14yr old daughter dont get on at all she lives in her own world and never listens which causes rows we had her late in life at 40 i have 2 other kids grown up and left my son never got on with his dad and they came to blows when he was 16 my husband is 60 and very stubborn wants everyone to run round after him i feel like just walking out myself its so hard any advice

sitting gripping a Baileys after blo-out between me, DH and DD. She's 16. we have all tried t talk thru the problems tonight, one exapmle- it took her 6 hours/4 requests (getting louder) to change out of see-through leggings into something that gave her some modesty! jesus. and DH burst a blood vessel over her insisting on some shit Alevel that she wants to do. She's a clever girl. Good luck to everyone on this thread. oooops. just finished Baileys.