DD won't come home

[ahhhhhh]

My DD refusesd to come home just over a week ago. Myself and her stepfather went into school and she said in front of 2 teachers she hates me and won't come home. She agreed to go to my best friend who lives 200 miles away - she said she'd go anywhere I wasn't. Asked by a teacher why she said because u shout at her cos her bedrooms a mess. The plan is to pick her up next Friday but she is still saying she won't stay at home. I have no idea what to do. Her real father was an abusive man - she remembers it all well - although there is no contact now. She hates me. She has told me to fuck off in front of her friends. There really has been nothing to trigger this. Her friends seem to be the 'wrong sort'. She is 12 - 13 in Dec.

Whats happening re school?

I think all teens go through phases of 'hating' mum, I know i did. It doesn't mean she actually does though.

I feel for you

School are now on half term. They agreed to DD going to my friends so she was 'safe'. My friend will keep her as long as I want - as long as DD will stay there. The school is also trying to sort out help from sure start and the GP CAMHS but I have given up hope of help.

Friends are coping fine at the moment but tomorrow they are going to directly front the issues of her coming home - it could all go wrong then! They are fantastic and are considering fostering DD. I think I'll see the outcome of that and contact SS Monday if nec. There is a ds, from the previous marriage so dd's true brother, who is 9 and is so dependent on me it's untrue. Very different kids - acrimonious divorce when DD 6 and DS 2. Very different outcomes! thanks for support.

I went through this late last year op. It's short lived.

No real advice, just ride it out. Good luck!

Hope you are doing ok OP and that things are moving forwards, my DS left under a cloud of drug abuse at 17 and things looked terrible for him, it was awful for us all. But a year and a half later I can see he is living in a good way and I am SO glad we kept communicating. Hang in there.

Thanks. DD still in London. Finding it hard to decide on the right way forward. Going to see her friday so we'll see how she is. I get nice texts followed by horrid ones for no reason. Thanks for support.

Only reply to the nice texts I guess? Hope Friday goes OK.

Yes - had a very constructive set of texts today, with no nasty texts! Thank you for your thoughts!

We have come to the conclusion that she has got herself in with a group of kids she isn't comfortable with. I did text this to her directly today and she admitted she wasn't entirely happy but no-one is. I think a school change is in order but she won't want that and it will be hard. I'm not sure weather I should bring her home at the weekend or wait til the school move is organised and CAMHS appt is in place. It is so hard but I'm lucky to have a friend to look after her! Thanks for your messages. They do help so much.

Nothing very practical to offer I'm afraid :( but I'm sure you can sort it all out. I think one thing worth bearing in mind is that she's quite possibly trapped in something like a long, large dose of PMT. It can be a horrible age :( Of course it doesn't mean you don't need to talk to her, sort her school out etc - but maybe just bear in mind that she probably isn't overly in charge of her thoughts a feelings right now and doesn't know what to do with herself.

I know everyone needs a way out when got themselves in a hole - and I understand the hormones, I think I have made excuses/allowances for a lot of things that has quite possibly contributed to this mess. However the friends she is staying with, keep assuring me she is a sound person underneath it all which is good. Again thanks for post - it is so helpful to know people out there care enough to type something for me!

It's really easy to join in with hysteria from big kids and I think your calm, measured approach will get you there in the end, hope the tunnel is not too long x