dd wont invite friends home :(

[inashizzle]

dd main peers come from what i would call hard working priveledged backgrounds.She comes from working class, struggling a bit at the mo background like many. She has been to many of their houses and i suggested she invite friends here too. She says she never wants them to come and when i ask is she embarassed of us she says no and t.b.h i think we are average joes and she is never embarassed of us in public. Our house is average in all aspects (price, tidiness,everything).i feel a bit hurt that she is ashamed of her own house but more sad for her that she is feeling this way. Must add she is going through terrible teens a bit-just turned 14.Has anyone else gone through this?

Hi new to mumsnet so please let me know if i am doing anthing wrong!When i suggested a sleepover she pulled a face and said no in a ,are you crazy kind of way!I asked her don't your friends think it's a bit odd you havn,t had a sleepover? She said they asked when could they come to hers but that was that as she got really moody before school so i didn't want to go further. She always invites us to her school shows and when i see her friends with her she is relaxed and smiley. I took them for a photoshoot and dinner last year and all was great. just cant see what's so wrong with this house.

she did say, it's not just my friends, i wouldn't want anyone to come here with a teenage sneery glance around the house.It made me feel like it was a "how clean is your house" type house!

I dont think its your home shes bothered about - i think she just has fun at whoevers home shes hanging around at,teenagers are a bit like this- ds1 has always had his mates over (we have a tiny little house) and its not posh....then hes gone to theirs and theyve had automatic gated entrance etc etc (the lad from this house actually said to ds i like it at your house your mum does 'stuff' (he meant i made them chips and burgers his mum made them frozen pasta).

Dont worry this phase will pass.

Yes in her main group, all the girls houses are mega with the latest wow interiors and i am pleased for them and never appear an inverted snob but i am worried she is becoming snobby through no fault of her friends.i explained to her that the parents have no doubt worked hard, sometimes luck etc and she can maybe have that if she works hard, also with a gentle approach to non-materialism.

thanks for reassuring me today though- i was feeling like we were serious porpers today and even if it were the case, her friends would probably be o.k.i noticed lately she was talking a bit posh i.e jolly hockey sticks, plum in mouth and felt myself cringing

I was opposite when I was her age! I was ashamed because our house was so big! We were quite a bit richer then my friends and I always felt embarrassed when they came over and did the whole wide eyed 'oh wow look at this place' look. But she's being quite rude to you. You should suggest that if she doesn't like the house maybe SHE should clean it up to her standards, or maybe offer to repaint or something, in stead of moaning. See if she continues. :o

My ds has friends that live in big houses ,but his friends are just as happy to come to my 2 bedroomed council house

He wouldn't be friends with them if he thought they looked down on us

it sounds like your doing everything right. it just seems like she is a bit hormonal. it does not seem like shes ashamed maybe she just does not want them to come round for a little reason like she just cannot be bothered to host. another reason could be the way the house looks/ the design maybe you could ask her about redesigning her room.

It might just be her age - DD1 went through that at about the same age, and we probably have a larger house than the majority of her friends as we moved out of a more expensive area to come here. I once asked why she didn't have friends to stay over, and she said that the living room wasn't big enough! OK it's not a mansion, a pretty standard modern estate house, but it's certainly big enough to have a few teenagers crashing on the floor watching DVDs. Now she's older (18) and friends come and go ad hoc.

Before DD and I began to have daily frank exchanges of views, she told me I was a "legend" to her friends because I welcome them, don't mind about them sleeping over without prior knowledge etc. We have a small, unremarkable house and many of them live in large houses or very well appointed flats in town. I welcome them because then I know who she is going around with. It can backfire - I suspect that boyfriend's parents are not keen on DD because of our less moneyed lifestyle/boring little house on an estate etc.