Anyone in their 50s with teenagers

[nikos]

There is a thread on AIBU from a mnetter wanting to have a baby at 45. Quite a few replies have been doom n gloom about having a teenager in your 50s and 60s. As we will be facing it, I wondered if anyone had experience of this and could tell us how it really is?

Mmmm - early sixties here ,DP older ,DS 19 .

Age related issues I've had are

being " out of the loop " ,lacking peers going through same things ,A levels ,university ( there's an age thing ,find it hard to call it "uni" ,seems so flip ! ) etc so no one to talk to for advice or compare notes .

All cousins so much older ,lack of family support .

Very elderly parent needing lots of support .

Poor work/career role model for DS - DP retired and I'm carer (so not much like a career ).

DS is an only which exaggerates above I think .

Also - feel now that I would like to relax a little ,be settled .
Instead feel dread about what future years will bring - will DS get on at college ? ( he didn't at school ) ,will he ever have a girl or boyfriend ?,have we got first heartbreak to go through .
I think it is an age thing - you do get weary .
Different I suppose if your DC has sailed through school ,exams and has a great social life .
But when it's all been not very good ,you end up thinking sh*t ,can I keep pulling it out of the bag ( all the support ,research ,hopes raised and dashed ) into my 70's ?
And also that recognition that you've not done a very good job ,and too late now .

"Teen hormones and menopause."

Personally I don't think either is an excuse for bad behaviour, any more than male testosterone is an excuse for grumpy irritability, or PMT an excuse for behaving like a witch in our household.

Everyone has to be civilised most of the time,regardless of their hormonal makeup.

I don't understand the question. Myself and the vast majority of my friends are all in their 50s with teenagers. All the way through their schoold years it was the young parents who had their children in mid-twenties who were in the minority.
Gingerroots, I don't think age would make a difference in your situation. I have followed alot of your posts and when a child goes through 'difficulties' and you worry about their future it doesn't matter how old you are. Has he settled on his 'university' course. (I also hate the word 'uni', is it and age thing?)

lazymumof - you're right ,worrying about your DC is hardly confined to mothers over a certain age !
But I do feel that I would have had more chance ( no guarantees I know ) of some kind of a support network if I'd been in a similar age range to DS's peers ,or if I'd had a child at same sort of time as my own friends or siblings .
And while it may be a personal thing I do find that as I get older I am more affected by stressful situations ,my youthful confidence had dissipated !
There's less sense of having a future ahead of one ,more a sense of looking back and wondering what one has achieved .
Or maybe it's just this sudden descent into autumnal weather !

As for DS and how he's settled - wish I knew ,but I don't .He's not very communicative and ,sadly ,tends to tell me what he thinks I want to hear .

I don't understand the question. Myself and the vast majority of my friends are all in their 50s with teenagers. All the way through their schoold years it was the young parents who had their children in mid-twenties who were in the minority.

I find the same. Never once have I felt out of place or 'odd'. I have never been the oldest at any parent's evening etc.

My SIL is pushing 60 and her ds is in his lower teens. They travel all over Europe on the train, go sailing together, do all sorts of things- she is far more active than many 45yos were in my young days. As for the menopause, I haven't asked but I imagine she got that out of the way before he hit his teens.

Does being in your 50's feel the same as being in your 60's though? I know I feel different being 50 than when I was 40 so I imagine it will also be different.

Most of the people I know who have children and have professional careers were around 30 when they had them so most are now late 40's early 50's with teenagers so it's a bit strange to be suggesting this is odd. I don't know so many who are in their 60's.

I'm 63. I had teenage kids in my 50's, and now have teenage grandchildren often staying with me with me. I have learned a lot, I hope they've learned from me. They keep me young and open to new ideas. They astonish me with their mature perspectives..they ask my opinions, they don't seem to consider the age gap, and neither do I.

It is merely an attitude of mind-it is quite possible to be on a closer wave length as 63yr old grandmother than a 43yr old parent.

I didn't feel any different at 50 than 40 so I am not expecting 60 to be different-I think that I am 30something inside.

Im 55 my children are 32,31,30,28,14 and 12, my older dcs think the younger ones have got it all and are allowed much more freedom ect than they ever were.I think its because ive learnt to sit back a little, and to pick my battles.

Exactly heronsfly-my eldest feels the same- you have done your practising and are better at it!

We had our only child when I was 41 (almost 42) and DH was 42 - DS is now 9 and it's never crossed my mind or been mentioned by anyone about how we will cope when he is a teenager. Why worry about things that may or may not happen - just enjoy what you have now and giving them the right values - you see parents all the time who struggle with their children whatever their age so being over 50 has nothing to do with it IYSWIM !!

People only worry because there is terrible ageism on MN and anyone is elderly at 60yrs!

I'm 50, my DD's 16 & 14 respectively.

Love 'em to bits, could cheerfully throttle them at times but, most of the time, it's great fun!

I think at any age teenagers can be a trial but you don't just get them lumped on you at 50, with them smack in the middle of grunthood (unless you foster or if you adopt in which case you deserve a medal!!) you grow into & with them. It might seem daunting when you are parents of smalls but actually with lots of love, gritting your teeth & plowing through they can turn out to be Quite Nice People

(regular screaming matches & beatings also helpful )

Just caught up with this thread after a weekend away. Thank you all for your positive comments xx

DS will be 13 and DD 15 when I turn 50 in 3 years. All my friends will have teenagers (and the DC's friends parents) and will be in their 50's too.

50 is the new 40, isn't it?

I'm 60, my youngest is 18 & eldest 29, so I had teenagers throughout my 50s & I don't see a problem - of course there are issues at times but mostly it's great (& it keeps you in touch brilliantly with non-middle-aged Life )

Am I meant to feel old being 50? I feel better and fitter than I did at 40 (10 month old baby, breastfeeding and 2 dc 2 & 6). The only downer are the wrinkles!! Dd13 put her make up on next to me for a fancy dress party a few weeks ago and was able to see herself in the mirror without the need for glasses or a magnifying mirror. She looked fab with her smooth, fresh face and for the first time I felt old. Ds1 is 17 and ds2 is 11, so I will have teenagers throughout my 50's. They can run faster than me but I can cycle further than them, they all ski better than me but I'm the first one to jump in a cold lake..... It's all a state of mind. I was chatting to a friend the other day who is 35 and spoke and acted more like a 70 year old. My soon to be 80 year old FIL is always game for new adventures, rides his scooter around, works in a big store and did a 3 day mountain trek with us last year.