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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Bloody Facebook

23 replies

MelodyPond · 13/09/2011 22:40

Dd is 12, but a teenager through and through. She has been on fb since she started high school at 11. I have her password and keep an eye on what she's doing on there.

And what she us doing is, adding friends of friends, asking other peoples boyfriends out and then falling out with the girls.

I have now changed her password and log her on and off, but when I look I am so worried about her.

I want to just delete her account.......

OP posts:

Original poster

MelodyPond · 13/09/2011 22:41

Oops posted too soon. Has anyone else had these problems? Am I being being stupid. I know I should delete it, it just makes all these dramas worse..

OP posts:

Tortington · 13/09/2011 22:44

i think you should delete her account

Original poster

MelodyPond · 13/09/2011 22:47

Thanks, I think you're right.....she's only just got a laptop too. Hopefully it will shock.her into being more careful online and what she does on it. We have all the parental controls but can't control what she says and does (unfortunately....)

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RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 13/09/2011 22:47

Yep - echo Custardo, if she can't use it responsibly then delete it. There will be PLENTY of time for all this falling out bollocks in a couple or three years. My 3 teens got there FB accounts when they started Year 8 and were all 13.

Hassled · 13/09/2011 22:51

But won't she be doing all that stuff at school/in RL anyway? That's what teenage girls do, IME.

All FB adds is the public shame/permanent record - that's what she needs to be aware of. My DS2 (13) is wary of what he puts on FB because me, his father, his brothers, his sister, uncles, cousins and Uncle Tom Cobbley are seeing what he posts, as I remind him constantly.

Original poster

MelodyPond · 13/09/2011 22:53

She's young too, she is an august baby (still my baby!) So I just don't think she gets how it all comes across. It's driving me mad reading all these messages from boys and then girls saying they are going to beat her up. God, I so wish i had never let her on it.
Thanks

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Original poster

MelodyPond · 13/09/2011 22:54

That's what she doesn't get Hassled. And now there's some boy on her wall telling her to fuck off?! I so don't want to see that.

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Original poster

MelodyPond · 13/09/2011 22:55

Teenage girls do indeed do that, but this is all down to fb, for everyone to see. And then they all get involved and it blows up.

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Hassled · 13/09/2011 22:59

"girls saying they're going to beat her up"? Really? Get on to school pronto - she's being bullied.

And tell her that when I recruit people the first thing I do is check their FB. Lots of employers check FB. Rumour is that Uni admission offices check FB before they offer places. It's there, forever (you don't have to tell her she can set privacy settings so they can't check).

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 13/09/2011 23:01

Just delete it - seriously it is more trouble than it's worth at this age. I am liberal mother on pretty much everything, but wasn't with FB. They got an account when they understood just how public it all is. Their aunts, uncles and my mother are all friends with them too. Even now with my oldest almost 18, they still watch what they put on there/photos etc.

Original poster

MelodyPond · 13/09/2011 23:04

Deleted. She won't be pleased. I feel a big talk coming on tomorrow after school.

The school know, her teacher is lovely and Dd has already spoken to her thank goodness. What annoys me about it is that she doesn't seem to see what she has done wrong. Which proves she is just too young for it.

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seasidesister · 13/09/2011 23:04

Delete it.
Tell you will review the situation in 6 months.
It is your responsibility. NOT the schools.

seasidesister · 13/09/2011 23:05

Cross posted. Good choice.

Original poster

MelodyPond · 13/09/2011 23:06

Hassled, I set it up, its so private people can't even find her when they search her name. Why she is 'friends' with people who say things like this to her is beyond me.
Thanks for all confirming I'm not over reacting over it all!

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Original poster

MelodyPond · 13/09/2011 23:08

Oh I know its my responsibility, just wanted the school to know the situation.

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kakapo · 14/09/2011 04:37

if you delete it, you will have to keep close tabs on her laptop, because she can easily set up a new one!

Original poster

MelodyPond · 14/09/2011 11:37

Oh she would lose the whole laptop if she tried that!

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mumeeee · 14/09/2011 12:48

Delete her account. She is to young for Facebook. Facebook rule is that you have to be 13 to have an account. I'm surprised at how many parents let their pre teens open accounts. To do that they have to lie about their age.

alice15 · 14/09/2011 17:33

mumeeee is quite right, of course, but I have to say that I let my now 13 year old join FB when she was 11, because her older sister was on it and it was a battle I chose not to fight. However, she always behaved appropriately on it. If she had done the sort of thing you are describing, I would definitely have closed her account and told her that her own behaviour had proved she was not mature enough to handle it. I think I would also up supervision of the laptop, as she has proved herself to need supervision for now. When our older DD was about 10, we found she had been getting up before 6 and sneaking downstairs to play games online before we woke up (harmless games, but still!) - husband tracked her usage history and confronted her with the evidence, and as a result she was confined to limited computer access with one of those time management programs, for a long, long time. Neither DD has ever had a serious problem with PC usage since, so I do think stamping on it hard worked well for our family.

Original poster

MelodyPond · 14/09/2011 18:04

Ah that's the brilliant thing, she can't get onto the laptop until 8am and it closes down at 9pm. I'm on it!

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freesiaLiliy · 14/09/2011 19:07

delete until she is more mature, echo the post saying she should be 13 and you have aided her lying by letting her online on a fb account. also you suggest that the school run an internet safety session for kids and for parents, my ds school did this and it was shocking! really kids need to know that all this stuff they think is fun now can come back and bite them on the bum in later life as once its on tinternet it stays there forever! there are some shocking facts about mobiles too that is useful for kids and parents to know too. think most local authorities have people who can do this or will know who can.

50000feet · 15/09/2011 17:19

Have you thought that what she is doing and who she is mixing with on fb are the same she will be texting and talking to at school etc. Deleting fb won't totally deal with the problem. A fb account in another name you don't know about and can't monitor is worse. Don't give her a blackberry you won't be able to monitor bbm. Good luck

hattymattie · 15/09/2011 17:47

5000 is right - my children have friends who change their names when their parents delete. I control the password to the computer and they can only be on when they ask me to type this in. Also I am their Facebook friend (which they hate) but I can check up like this. I'd restrict computer access entirely if I were you.

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