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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Help! My daughter hates me

7 replies

kidbrooke · 04/07/2011 23:06

Hi, I am new here. I am desperate for some advice before I go completely grey with stress!! I have a 14yo daughter who was a complete joy until a couple of years ago. Sadly she has morphed into someone I hardly know anymore. She is rude and obnoxious towards me when she can even be bothered to talk to me. She thinks I am purely here to cook, clean, provide lifts and money etc etc... I could go on and on and on... Please someone reassure me I am not the only person going through this?? Things havent always been easy for her - I have brought her up on my own as her Father has chosen to have no input in her life. But we have a nice lifestyle, I have always worked to provide for her and probably tried to overcompensate for the lack of a Father in her life. I feel now that I can no longer excuse her rudeness (hormones/peer pressure/exams etc..) Any help/advice/miracles most appreciated...

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 04/07/2011 23:12

Have been there with my own!! She's almost 15 now and improving, things got really bad first tho.
It's bloody hard but you have to ride the storm. I pick my battles with dd, have to pick her up on aggression and bad language but leave the messy room lecture alone.

Original poster
kidbrooke · 04/07/2011 23:18

Thank you! Someone who understands!! Yes it is so hard especially as I have no back up - no one to pull her up for speaking to me the way she does (actually normally its more of a grunt than actual words!).

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 04/07/2011 23:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twentyten · 05/07/2011 15:11

You are not alone. Hang on in there- is there anyone else who could offer an ear for her and support for you? An aunt/uncle etc? Take care of yourself and stick to your boundaries.

DancingWind · 05/07/2011 15:20

Hi,
I don't have kids, but I was an awful teenager once and my mom was a single parent as well. I was hell on wheels during my teens. Not into drugs, sex or any of that but just rude, obnoxious and majorly into temper tantrums. I can assure you this will pass. I got behaved like that with my mom because I knew she'd love me anyway. And that nobody else would tolerate me in my bad moods. Awful, but true. This is a classic case of children taking parents for granted. Maybe you should gently but firmly withdraw from some of the things you do for her and let her do them herself? I always say- love me when I deserve it the least because thats when I need it the mostSmile I promise you you'll get your little girl back,just give it some time.

Selks · 05/07/2011 15:27

My daughter was like this at 14. She could be a total nightmare, and during the most trying times I wondered if we would ever have a good relationship. But she grew out of it a couple of years later, and became a lovely, considerate daughter who is good company as a young adult.
Just stick with it and remember that it is the behaviour not your daughter per se that is awful; keep with consistant boundaries, consequences and expectations....and the golden rule is DON'T enter into arguments with a teenager. Just state your position, stick to it and don't engage in a fight even if it means them having the last word.
Teenagers are strange things...it's part of the growing into independence that they kick against their parents and for some this can mean that their behaviour is painful to live with. They still need reassurance and love though.
It will get better.

DancingWind · 05/07/2011 15:40

I totally agree with Selks. My mom was like that and it sorted me out fineGrin

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