What do you make of this - dd's friend?

[skinnycow]

DD has a friend called Rebecca who is just 13. Rebecca has shown another friend a book of poetry she has written which is mainly about teen suicide and other morbid feelings. She often makes strange comments about things eg: walking along a road of fallen leaves "imagine there were dead babies under the leaves and we were walking on them"

She has also said that she wants to be a bi-sexual so she has a choice! again!

Her mum is a psychology teacher so I would think she may pick up on any probs her dd may have. This child is also quite disruptive in school and strives to be as different as possible.

My dd and her other friend are worried about Rebecca - Ive advised them to speak to the form tutor but wonder whether I should do it instead!

Nothing at mo - just listen and keep discussing it. My son is similar age and writes odd things at times but not quite as bad!!!!

No. Most teens go through a gloomy existentialist phase worried about the meaning of life.

I found similat things that I had written between age 13-16 up in the loft when I was moving out at 17, was so Relatively normal adult now

my friends dd is terrified of bird flu! I think its the age. I remember being terrified of nuclear war - remember all of the make a shelter adverts!!!!!

I'd definitely be concerned about this. This was the age when my sister started feeling depressed and had morbid/suicidal thoughts and wrote some songs/notes which made very difficult reading (I didn't see them until years later). Psychological help was sought for her then and she's still suffering with depression now and as you probably know attempted suicide fairly recently. Your dd is right to be concerned as this type of thinking is obviously not normal to her. Is there any way you can make this known to Rebecca's parents? Mentioning your worries to the form teacher might be a good start. Her Mum may well not pick up on this, despite being a psychology teacher.

Do you know her mother well enough to talk to? If she has recognised anything she may be blocking out, or she might not give it the attention it could deserve as she might not believe it of her own daughter.
I think I'd be worried too, and would be inclined to mention it to the form tutor myself. It could be that lots of people are worried about her but each is thinking that they're worrying over nothing, iyswim.
Although I think there is a difference between BEING different and STRIVING to be different, so it could be that it is an act.

I do agree though that a lot of teenagers go through a period of 'weirdness', but the things she's writing sound quite disturbing and I know my sister thought lots about people who'd taken their own lives. Kurt Cobain being the main one at the time.

I dont know her mum very well at all - literally just made polite conversation when collecting my dd from hers etc so definitely wouldnt feel comfortable discussing her dd with her.

A couple of weeks ago I saw my dd's form tutor because I felt that dd's attitude to school work had deteriorated. She is going to be coming back to me with comments from various subject teachers about my dd so may possibly mention it when I talk to her. Incidentally, Rebecca was one of the girls whom the teacher suggested I should keep dd away from as she is v arrogant and a possible bad influence./

Have to agree with other posters that it could be a phase
but
also agree with aero that this girl could spiral into depression and negativity as she gets older.

Also I think the form tutor was giving you a clear warning for your dd to stay away from this girl as she may affect your dd's schooling and behaviour
so I would discourage the friendship.
I dont think you would be able to discuss Rebecca with the form tutor as isnt it confidential. If you feel you cant talk to her mum could you not write a letter jotting down all your concerns and sending it to the form tutor, so maybe then they could ask the mum to come in and discuss it with them.
hope it all goes well

teenagers are all wierd!!! They need to be right, they need to annoy, they need to SHOCK, they need to find their way and they need to go though all these phases to become adults!

I would be concerned about this too an extent and keep talking about it to make sure it is in the open all the time, and not getting worse. A girl at the school I taught at committed suicide earlier this year, having visited websites discussing stuff like this, etc.

dd's friend (who was shown the book of poetry) was discussing my with dd today the possibility of telling their tutor that they are worried about Rebecca. They were then joined by Rebecca so had to stop discussing it. I think possibly they may mention it tomorrow but also add they're not sure whether it is an act but felt they should bring it to an adult's attention

Actually, that sounds like a good idea. At least that way their worries will have been conveyed to the teacher and I would have thought it would get back to the parent as an issue of concern. If my sister had had access to websites like those which Hula has mentioned, it's possible she wouldn't be here today. For her it was/is most definitely not a phase, but a battle she deals with every day and puberty was the start of it.