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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

what can i do?

37 replies

CherryMonster · 06/06/2011 07:37

ok, so i know he isnt strictly a teenager yet, but he is 12 and doing my nut in totally. he is refusing to go to school, i know i can get into a world of shit about it, he just doesnt seem to care. what can i actually do about it though? he is too big for me to physically force him to move, i dont have a partner or a car to take him to school. will the police or social services actually do any thing to help or are they likely to turn around and tell me its my problem and deal with it myself. i know why he is refusing, its because he is hellbent on pissing me off and this is his latest trick because he knows it bugs the hell out of me.

OP posts:
RichTeaAreCrap · 06/06/2011 15:54

why?

PaperView · 06/06/2011 15:57

It's still on one of my tabs ILT.

RichTea - she has countless threads full of brilliant advice for her DS. They either get deleted or expire in chat. Until she implements ANY of it then the situation in this thread will not improve. At the moment she seems unable to take advice from anyone who disagrees with her.

GypsyMoth · 06/06/2011 16:16

nope,gone

CherryMonster · 06/06/2011 16:38

whats gone tiffany? i have only just come back to this thread, and to be honest and very disappointed about the way you have all been talking about me whilst i have been away. to all those of you saying that i dont use the advice that i am given, yes, actually i do use it, and some of it has worked really well. like i stated on the other thread, there are other issues, but this one is the only one that isnt really being dealt with yet.
this morning when i said i wanted to kick him out, it was in the heat of the moment as i was very angry. he has just come back from a week at his dads house, and been good as gold there, and in the space of 36 hours of being home has come home late, and refused to go to school, i was upset and angry with him.
i understand that people have advised me that now might not be the best time to get a dog, and maybe that is the case, but this is something that has been a long time in coming, and the right dog for us has finally been found, yes its an awkward time, but if we dont make the jump, we might not find another dog that suits us so well.
to all those who have implied or stated that i am getting the dog for selfish reasons, no i am not, the whole family has made a decision that we all want a dog, yes i want a companion for the daytime, but the children are all agreed to taking an amount of responsibility, i have sat them all down and spoken to them about it today, and ds1 has agreed to come out on the evening walks with me.
its never been a case that i dont have the time to spend with him, more a case that when he has and is being vile, i dont want to be around him because he winds me up so much that its beginning to give me problems, including sleep issues.
thank you to all those who have given me good advice, both her and on the other thread, and to all those who have felt the need to dissect my personal life, including asking questions about my finances, i'm afraid thats just a little too personal, i dont want to discuss my business, my incomings and whether i can afford a dog, i didnt start any of these threads to do that.
please stop talking about me the way you have been, and as for 'the poor children' i can assure you that my children are anything but, for the most part they are very happy, even ds1 most of the time, its just when he is in a strop that he is difficult.
i have spoken to school who are going to get the school attendance officer, EWO and other agencies involved, and there is a social worker taking him out for a chat and a drink on thursday.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 06/06/2011 16:40

so why delete the first post on your dog thread?? why?

GypsyMoth · 06/06/2011 16:41

as for whats gone...the thread has

CherryMonster · 06/06/2011 16:42

i didnt mean to delete the first post.

OP posts:
CherryMonster · 06/06/2011 16:42

and i didnt delete the thread

OP posts:
PinotGrigiosKittens · 06/06/2011 16:44

Not worth the effort Tiff.

FellatioNelson · 06/06/2011 18:41

Cherry I don't know what all the dog thread nonsense is about, but I must admit, although I didn't call you on it earlier, my heart did a little lurch when you started talking about 'kicking him out', (at 12? Confused) 'can't I just send him to boarding school?' and the 'haha, my mate...' comment. I typed a post and then deleted it, becuase I didn't want to sound overly critical so early on in the thread to someone who was struggling and asking for help.

But if you read your posts back you will see that you are making him sound like an irritating inconvenience who is getting in the way of your parenting of your other children, and you are justifying to us that they need more of your time and input than he does.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but if it's coming across to us like that then you can bet your life it's coming across to him. Sad

Step back and analyse how you have arrived here and look at both your behaviours and not just his. Smile

CherryMonster · 06/06/2011 19:57

thanks fellatio, that wasnt my intention at all, was just trying to portray the fact that he has been difficult. of course he isnt an inconvenience, he is my son and i love him very much, but when he gets one of his stroppy heads on i am at a complete loss as to what to do for the best for all of us. i am not trying to justify them needing more time than him, but in truth, much of the time they do, ds2 has quite complex needs, as does dd1, and dd2 is only just 5 and needs me to do more for her. he and i have always had a difficult relationship, and a lot of it stems back to not being able to bond with him when he was first born.

OP posts:
uselesscamhs · 07/06/2011 10:36

Hi Cherry. Do you have a plan now how you will manage DS's school refusal in future?

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