Stealing from parents

[BerniW]

I'm not 100% sure, so can't prove anything, but I'm sure my 16 yr old ds is stealing an odd £10 note from my purse now and again. I've not caught him red-handed, but I have been taking note of how much is in my purse. It hasn't happened for a few weeks, but today I had a £10 note in my purse and it disappeared. Ds was the only one in the house. I did sort of accuse him. He was adamant that he hadn't taken it, he does lie alot though!

Not sure what to do, as I can't prove it. It really upsets me to think he thinks it's OK to do this. He gets enough pocket money (£40 a month) and I buy him clothes if he needs them.

Should I try to catch him out? It seems a little extreme, but I don't know what else to do when I have suspicions but no proof.

tell him you've been burgled then to guage his reaction,cos it was there and now its gone
it need nipping in the bud now really.

You don't need proof. You don't need to play any games to try to catch him out. You know it was him.

Tell him you know.

Tell him how disappointed you are in him that he would rather steal from his own mother than ask if he needed money.

Tell him how sad it is now that you feel you need to hide your purse in your own house.

Tell him that you are deducting it from his pocket money.

Tell him that you love him, but he has damaged the trust you have in him and you would like to talk about what is going on.

Be sure first.

Several times I think to myself ohhhhh wheres that £10 gone? and whilst im not saying it is someone taking it I puzzle around and generally i find where i spent it or put it.

Yopu could do what my friend did and colour photocopy some £10 notes and strategically place them in your purse .

I suspect most teens do a little light pilfering on the odd occasion. But it did strike me - he's 16 and you buy him clothes 'if he needs them'? Maybe time to give him a bit more responsbility and choice for his own spending, give him a bigger allowance but more things he has to spend his own money on including clothes. Certainly do that if he is off to college/6th form after the end of this term.

If he thought it was ok to do it he would tell you he was taking £10 out of your purse - he knows he's theiving and he knows it's wrong.

Old enough I know what your saying but having just had my eldest at college theres not often a time when I can afford to just buy clothes or give him money to buy them (he does manage vv well though) so perhaps the OP is in a similar situation?.

Thanks so much for advice so far. I need to check my balance online to make sure I withdrew the amount I thought I did yesterday - as I may not have.

If I was right then we do have a problem that must be nipped in the bud. He's a good kid with loser mates unfortunately. He's been brought up in a loving, firm but fair, happy home. He loves to spend money the second he gets it (birthday money etc), and will really struggle to manage himself financially when he gets older - just doesn't get that it doesn't grow on trees.

Will discuss plan of action with dh when he gets home from trip tomorrow.