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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Daughter told me her friend is having sex with boys from school what should I do

16 replies

daisysue2 · 15/05/2011 22:27

My daughter has just dropped the bombshell that her best friend is having sex with boys at school. I need to know who I should now go to with this information.

The girl is very young 11 and actually still at primary. Should I tell the parents, someone at school, social services.

My daughter has special needs so I can not be 100% sure if she is telling me the truth but the details sound as if they have come from the friend, and even if they aren't true are quite disturbing.

My daughter has told me not to tell anyone that her friend will never forgive her as she has only told her. I've said we need to tell someone but she is worried now. My fear is that if my dd feels she can't trust me then she may never tell me anything again but I need to do something.

Should I call the mother up. The girl is desperate for attention. Should I talk to the school or is that going to cause major problems for the girl and her family which they may be able to fix themselves. I really don't know.

Please I need some posts tonight so I can work out by the morning what I should do. Also I am very ill at the moment, I have Cancer and am having Chemo, so can't really take this on. I need some solid advice.

OP posts:
WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper · 15/05/2011 22:41

I was expecting this to be about a 16yo and tell you to butt out.

But ELEVEN?!?

I really hope your DD has got it wrong. Because how would it even happen? I can't imagine :(

Don't know what your DDs SNs are but is there any chance this girl is just having a laugh telling lies because your DD is vulnerable and will believe her?

GypsyMoth · 15/05/2011 22:44

you cant let it go,tell the school in the first instance. they will be duty bound to inform ss,but you could also call NSPCC for advice.

scarlettsmummy2 · 15/05/2011 22:46

I think I would approach their teacher/ head of year, be subtle and play the whole thing down and see what happens from there. i would probably say something like "this could be nothing and my daughter may have misunderstood, but she has mentioned....."

At least then you have alerted someone with a duty of care to the other child and it is up to them to deal with it.

OddBoots · 15/05/2011 22:49

Write down now what your daughter has told you, using the words and phrases she used where you can remember them then give a copy to the school and let them deal with it. You can't ignore it but it sounds like you have too much on your plate to take responsibility for doing anything more than this.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 15/05/2011 22:49

It is a tricky one, because if this 11 year old really is having sex, then she needs help and support. But if she is winding your DD up and the full SS monty of an investigation is triggered, that could do the girl a lot of damage as well.

You say the girl is 'desperate for attention' - unfortunately this can sometimes be a sign of abuse within the home. I think your best bet probably is to ring the NSPCC for advice at least to start with.

mumblechum1 · 15/05/2011 22:49

what scarlttmummy said.

TheSecondComing · 15/05/2011 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ggirl · 15/05/2011 23:11

god how awful
I think you should call nspcc first thing tomorrow
and inform headteacher of what your dd said
this friend ,if it is true, has told someone and they can help her
i don't think you should play it down
just tell them what your dd has told you

ggirl · 15/05/2011 23:15

shame you put this in teenagers section
others will think you're meaning 16yr old

BeerTricksPotter · 15/05/2011 23:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
daisysue2 · 15/05/2011 23:48

Thank you everyone. I put it in teens as I thought you would all have had children this age so would have a better idea of what to do. I didn't want parents with two year olds replying.

I have taken your advice and already called the NSPCC and talked it through with them. They have said talk to the school.

So thank you everyone for coming back so quickly I won't be up all night worrying now. At least I have had some very good advice very quickly. Thank goodness for mumsnet

OP posts:
Watertight · 16/05/2011 14:16

You've probably already called School now, daisysue.

How did you get on?

AitchTwoOh · 16/05/2011 14:19

hope your health is on the up, daisy. good luck with the chemo stuff, hope you can pass the worry of this wee girl onto someone else soon, you need your energy for you and yours at the moment.

pickyourbrain · 16/05/2011 17:03

Well done daisy. Poor little girl if this is true. poor you and your DD for all the worry if it's not!

You did the right thing, it might not be boys at school she's having sex with, it could be something more sinister, can't be ignored.

AnyFucker · 16/05/2011 17:05

oh, how scary and concerning

Op, have you spoken to school

what a worry for you (along with everything else)

I hope this young girl is ok

Hulababy · 16/05/2011 17:09

You are doing the right thing to tell the school. I am sure your DD will understand too. It's a child protection issue. Even if it is not true and a story the girl has made up, it is worrying and needs following up by people who are trained to deal with it.

I hope you are ok, and that your own health is improving with the chemo.

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