DD says she wants to die so the police came. Help!!

[prisonerofazkaban]

DD (14) has been on childline in a very upset state and said that she wanted to die. They then kind of put words in her mouth and they ended up calling the police. She was mortified when they came and is even more upset now. They spoke to me and they are going to put her on some kind of "Vulnerable Child" list and someone will contact me. Does anyone know what this will mean for us. I have 2 other DCs who are 5 and 7 and I am worried that they will be brought into this too.

you poor thing, I have no experience to help you but just wanted to give you a reply. Has she been upset for a long time or was this just one incident? What did she say to you? Do you have a DP or family near to give you and her support?

You must be very shocked and frightened. What was she so upset about, that she called Childline?

She has been having problems for a while and has been referred to CAHMS and is currently being assessed but it is taking a while. She hasn't been going to school regularly and has missed the whole of last week. While I was at work yesterday the Education Welfare Officer called. Dd didn't answer the door but a card was left and she totally freaked. She called childline because she was so worried and guilty that me and her dad would get into trouble for her not going to school. She told childline that she was so upset she wanted to die and then they were like "so you want to kill yourself" and she was like "YES" then they said they would call the police. She told them not to but they still went ahead.

I'm frantically cleaning the house now in case social service turn up and start judging my parenting skills based on the state or my home.

Well, if she has tlod ChildLine that she wants to kill herself, what do you expect to happen? And lets be fair here, unless you were listening in to her phone conversation, you can have no idea what's she's said to them, or they her. ChildLine have a duty of care to the child and they would not have done this lightly - they would only have done this if your daughter had said she was literally attempting suicide right now. And they would have asked for permission to contact someone to come to the house. The only time they would have overridden that is when she has told them that she has done something to herself. And then she would have ha to have goiven the address.

There is much more to this than meets the eye, imo.

It sounds like your dd really needs your support right now, I had MH issues through High School that culminated in an episode of psychosis at 19 before finally getting the treatment and help I needed. And even then it took a few years. I'm not saying this will happen to your dd and I'm sure you do support her but as someone who's been there I just urge you to be there for her as much as you can.
My mums main concern was the effect I had on my siblings rather then why I felt so low in the first place. I love my mum, in your dd's situation I would probably have told you the same thing she did even if I was suicidal; thinking I was protecting you.
Hopefully this incident will hurry up the CAHMS referral. I hope everything turns out alright for you all.

TBH, I can only see this intervention as a positive.

From your own words you acknowledge that she needs support that she hasn't had yet, perhaps this will facilitate that support.
She "is" a vunerable child, and it is only right that within a state where we care about the welfare of our children that this is followeed up and taken seriously.
You only have to look on the relationships/mental health boards to know how badly not being helped or supported as teenagers has left lingering issues.

Talk to her in a calm and positive way, this is great, she should not be embarrassed and nor should you change the way you currently live for fear of anything. If she sees that you are confident in your parenting and your home that will comfort her that she is in a normal confident family and she has no need to panic.

If you panic (however quietly!) that is going to be no good for her at all.
This really could be a good thing and could bring good things for your daughter!

OP I'm sorry this has happened. Please just give your daughter all the support she needs, don't worry about the state of the house, don't make her feel as though she's adversely affecting her siblings/the family, just be there for her.
Don't worry too much about "lists" and so on, if it means that she will get the professional help she needs fasted then it's a good thing and does NOT reflect on you as a parent.

She seems good today which is good. She's trying not to think about things too much. I give her all the love and attention that I can but sometimes I think as though I'm suffocating her so have to take a step back. We've got some appointments booked with various different people but it's been really difficult trying to organnise things while I'm at work. I feel kind of helpless being there when I know that I should be talking to school, ed welfare about what is going on.

Poor her and poor you too.

Try to stay calm and trust that things will turn out for the best. You both deserve some help and support.

Best wishes to you and your DD.

I agree with Cyril.

Deemented-I'm not sure why you are talking about more than meets the eye approach other than the OP hasn't gone in to great detail over her dd's mental issues.

Hopefully SS involvement will mean that your dd's CAMH need will come through much quicker and you will ALL get support to cope with any issues or situations that arise from her difficulties at the moment.

SS ultimately want to keep families together so try not to see them as the 'bad' ones that come in and criticise your parenting.

Keep daily contact with the school if your dd is off due and explain how things are progressing with all the agencies.They should then keep the school attendance informed so they aren't hounding you and causing your dd more distress.

Thoughts to you both.

Thanks to all of you for your support. I feel a lot calmer now. You know when something just makes you panic and you let your thoughts get out of control. I couldn't sleep last night just thinking things over in my head. I'm normally really laid back and don't let things worry me but every now and again it just all gets on too much. Good job I can take my frustrations out on DH if he doens't pick his wet towel up off the floor etc lol