Desperate!

[briarbean08]

My 18 year old daughter is in court next week for drink driving :( I am devastated. Her Uni place in September requires an enhanced crb and obvs this will show up. It is intended that they are informed prior to this but from everything i have read/seen/heard she will almost certainly lose her place.

She deserves it in so many ways, I do not condone it all. However this i feel is the beginning of a further downward spiral and I don't know what to do.

Life with her has been hell for the last 5 years - alot of typical stuff, some self harm - for which we sought help and were 'discharged' , some foul behaviour, attitude world owes her a living etc etc ....and she wants to be a mental health nurse.

She has this evening accused me of flirting with one of her male friends, her words were 'as usual she was all over him' - me and OH sat and talked to this bloke, together, with no hint of anything other than that! I am deeply hurt yet again and am struggling with whether we should ask her to leave home and deal with everything herself. We do not deserve the abuse that we have had and its putting a real strain on everything ........ so much more to it over the years but don't want you to get bored reading my life story with her!

I am furious, upset, stressed, worried, hurt and all sorts of other words but we also have a 14 yr old son at home and I need to make sure we do whats right for all of us. I do love her but it seems we have failed up to now so what are we supposed to do?

Any immediate thoughts or advice.... please? :(

thanks cat, currently having a glass of wine (probs my fault that she does that too!) and know that someone will have some words - even if they are not what i want to hear :(

briar, sympathies, and no don't put any blame on yourself, she is after all a young adult now. I know its an extremely unpleasant and devastating situation but the only positive I can possible try and draw and possibly make you feel v slightly better is that she might grow up and take some responsibility for her own actions??

Monty this is why I feel so crap as I really don't think she will - all evidence so far points at 'Uni is almost certainly gone so why bother finishing this college course' whats the point, why me, its not fair...... she doesn't seem to be grasping that this is HER doing...... and the implications of the conviction are so far reaching. Bummer.

Please dont blame yourself, many kids need just such a wake up call to get them to take responsibility for their actions. I gave my son 'notice' to leave when he decided not to go to ui and got lots of jobs in pubs and drank the proceeds. He got a responsible salaried job went back to college for extra quals and starts at uni in Sept there is hope! My daughter is 16 and sounds simila to what yours has been doing just trying to get her through GCSE's. You are not alone.

She needs to be open to the Uni as early as possible and a drink drive conviction may not preclude her from the course. It is more dishonesty offences/offences against the person that will matter, so all may not be lost.

I would maintain the support you are giving her but at a distance. She now has to get on in the world herself. If family continue to pick up the pieces, she will never learn to mature.

Have you phoned up any of the Uni admissions offices and asked them yourself about their policies towards this? Coming from an academic/ teaching background myself, I'm surprised that a drink/drive conviction would preclude her, and just wonder if you've right on this?
If you google, say, Manchester Uni Admissions Office you'll get a number. I'd give them a call yourself.
Getting a crim record is not the end of the world if she learns from it (it might be the very sharp wakeup call that she needs; to start with she'll have to work to pay the fine...).
Is she taking A levels right now, or is she on a GAP year?