17yo has "left home" and now says she is going to see someone to make it permanent

[WhereWillSheGo]

I haven't got enough contact with her (she will only text) to ask more, she is ignoring my calls and relations have broken down over the years. She has been staying with her bf and his mother for 3 weeks - says I threw her out when in fact I said to her at the end of my tethrer if life was SO bad living here, she could eff off and find somewhere else to live.

Its broken my heart, but I am getting stronger and literally EVERYONE supports us in this, which is unusual as normally she gains sympathy from some of our extended family but the circs this time were pretty poor, so she has burnt a lot of bridges this time.

What I really wonder is who she could be talking to tomorrow about getting rehomed permanently, where she is likely to end up and being a 6th form college student how on earth wil she live?

I would rather not give much more in the way of detail if possible, there is a long history of issues and we have literally tried everything over the years and its still come to this.

Many thanks if anyone knows anything!

I am so sorry for you. I am going through a similar thing with my 17 year old DD who left home to live with a boy and mas managed to get herself into all sorts of trouble.
As you can see from the time I have posted this- I am not sleeping- and am finding it all extremely difficult.
I have no words of wisdom I'm afraid but I do offer sympathy for what you are going through.

Spooky, insomnia rules here too for the last 3 weeks! Thank you so much for your reply and I'm so sorry you're also going through it. I'm party saying let her get on with it, but also she's my firstborn and I hate that its come to this :( Things like this don't happen in our family, everyone is so shocked, but its her decision to do this, do I'm forcing myself to step back....

Going through a similar situation (daughter has just moved back home after living some else after 2 months) and all is not going well.

I'm slightly more lucky as daughter is 16 and we now have SS involvement (not sure how they will help our situation).

It might be worth giving SS a call to ask them if there are any services that you can use or that your daughter can use for help and support.

SS have a obligation to house children under 18,so maybe she is talking to them?

I think the likelihood with regards to 'housing' would be a grotty hostel not some wonderful flat or house where they can pretend to all grown up and live happily ever after .

yes i agree she is far to old for foster care so i am guessing it will be some awful hostel with drunks and a shared bathroom now we have a new goverment going on to benafits will be harder i reckon you should let her get on with it support her choice but dont give her money or food or let her back for washing at let her see what its really ;like in the real world she will be back with in a few months

There are hostels for young people, and they're not the same ones that they house drunks etc. Supported living can be offered to under 18s.

Not too old for foster care, they could offer her a sort of mentoring foster care where she gets her own room and manages her own money - there's a couple in my town who do it - they've mentored about 70 kids.

That is very far a few between I am a fc myself and their are only 2 couple who offer supported lodges In my whole la and because of the shortage they dont just house teens who have good home but just don't want to live their.
I am sure the couple do offer it I would imagine they are all ways full and one of very few in their area to offer it.

Their are sadly very few hostels for under 18s I used to work in one they are usually for 16-24 year olds with different issues from drug use,drink issues to teens with anger issues which usually lead to them becoming homeless again places are very few and far between in the four years I worked at mine the waiting list never went below 200 young people the mist likely situation is that they will get her a rented room if your not sure check out shelter site about the issues facing young people trying to get housed

Laurier fairy cake just because you know one couple who offer supported lodgings dosnt mean that all las have fc who offer this.

Ss struggle to find carers for children who have long standing involvement with ss they won't simply house a teen who's nearly 18 the first time they storm out

to be honest knowing how busy ss are they will probably string it out till she is 18 the transfer her to the housing team and the likelihood of housing a single healthy female with no children is almost nil.

i think you might get in contact with the bf mother and set her straight about what happened i am sure a few months of her not pulling her weight and not paying into any bill they will want her to leave also

hopefully living together will see this great love split and she will have no were else

trust mess will not usually get involved if your providing a safe secure home and your teenage lo is throwing a hissy then they will want to steer well clear especially as sue will be 18 shortly

Update - sorry its been so long, things have been very very up and down with her coming home "to talk" and ending up screaming and shouting etc.

But today there has been a breakthrough, she has been to see me after seeing a local group who can help her with getting housed/financed. She can either rent a room at her current location (BFs house) and they will pay £30 per week towards that and get her income support as well, or they can find her a shared house.

Its much calmer today, she agrees its too soon to come home and is happy to stay put or even find a house share - housing complicated in her BFs house due to tagged foster child who may or may not be moving out soon - you couldnt make it up. The main thing is, THEY are happy to have her (she can move out of her BFs room into the spare room if the foster child does end up going soon and get proper rent paid) and DD is looking towards building a family relationship back up with a view to MAYBE moving back in but admits she may not want to, which tbh may be best all round.

I feel so much happier and settled now knowing she will have some money to offer her "landlady" and to live off as she has still been unable to find work, and that we have talked without it escalating into abuse!

Thanks for all the advice.....don't they put us through it!!!

Hope things have gone from "OK" to "good" over the last 3 weeks and situation for DD is to your liking. (A bit more calmness at home probably good for everyone, so DD is a welcome 'visitor' by now, with luck!)

I didn't mean "visitor" really, but she's hopefully not going to be screaming at you now, when she is under your roof, IYSWIM.