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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Knives found in room....OMG

24 replies

meemu28 · 02/05/2011 22:33

For the last few months I have found my super sharp kitchen knives in my DS's (12) room. At first I thought I was going crazy and that I must have left them there myself, (to cut off clothes / toys tags etc.), but today I was emptying his overnight bag only to discover my 16 inch carving knife in his bag. At first I thought OMG I must be going mad and have put this there myself, but when I asked him about it after he came back from the park he admitted he had put it there himself. He says that he has'nt taken a knife to the park but needs it for 'protection' as 3 boys keep following him and his friend on thier bikes. I live in a village where everyone knows everyone and am finding this inner city attitude hard to believe. We do sometimes get kids from the surrounding towns coming in and causing bother but if it was any of the local kids then we would all know about it through the grapevine.

I have had a talk to him about knives but for some reason he seems to think that he is 'hard', (He's not.) and that if he waves a knife in someones face they will run away.

I have said that if you wave a knife at someone they are more likely to stab you with your own knife or if they run away they will bring their own bigger knife the next time you meet but it has gone out of one ear and into the other.

I finally sat him down and talked about the time my brother (at the same age ) accidentily nearly killed our dog waving knives (machetes) around and also how I had been mugged at knifepoint in my teens and how it made me feel.

This seemed to have no affect besides a little empathy, but I suspect he stilll has original feelings towards knives.

I am at my wits ends because I now have to count every knife at both mine and my partners and I know they are sharp and deadly as I have bought them specificaly for slicing and boning meat.

What could I possibly do do to deter him besides horrific pictures of knife crime?

OP posts:
theghostofposhlymanor · 02/05/2011 22:46

Well you can't really mess around when it comes to knives, and as he just doesn't 'get' it at the moment I would

lock away your knives

And

Punish him severely if you ever find him in possession of a knife ever again

Hassled · 02/05/2011 22:48

Could you get your local friendly Community Police bod to come and have a word? Possession of a dangerous weapon = a big deal. Time to put the Fear of God into him, I think.

scurryfunge · 02/05/2011 22:51

If he feels he cannot control his knife carrying tendencies then he needs to be prevented from going to the park.
Discuss with him other personal safety strategies if he feels under threat (cycling away v. quickly is always the best option).

You need to think about sanctions to modify his behaviour - with my son banning mobiles, computers etc usually worked.

He needs to get the message.

littleducks · 02/05/2011 22:53

I'm sorry but I cant understand how for months you thought you were repeatedly leaving knives in his room, even in a sports bag Confused

fruitshootsandheaves · 02/05/2011 22:53

I would also suggest you ask the police if someone could come and talk to him.

Original poster
meemu28 · 02/05/2011 22:58

I have told him I am counting knives and that if he is ever caught with one he will be going straight to prison, ( we all know not true in current climate,except for him), I am wondering if it it a village thing as FAD'S seem to go quite quickly here.

OP posts:
Oakmaiden · 02/05/2011 22:59

You need to let him know in no uncertain terms that carrying a knife is illegal and is a big deal. And that he is old enough to bear the consequences of being caught by the police with a knife.

Original poster
meemu28 · 02/05/2011 22:59

The local bobby also lives in the village and isn't too (trying to find a word)............stern

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 02/05/2011 23:00

Don't bother with empty threats about going to prison, he knows that is not true - make the sanctions real and relevant to him.

colditz · 02/05/2011 23:01

You could tell him that even at 12 year old, carrying a knife outside your house is a crime and he will have a criminal record forever.

I would also ask him why he feels so unsafe Sad and wouldn't be dismissive of the answer. Even someone who lives in a village can say something like "I'm gonna kick your fuckin' head in next time I see you"

Original poster
meemu28 · 02/05/2011 23:02

@littleducks yes I am a terrible mother and your comment has just highlighted that. THANKYOU. anyone else with advice is most welcome

OP posts:
littleducks · 02/05/2011 23:07

Its nothing to do with your skill as a mother....why would you repeatedly assume you had done it acciidently? If you were, for whatever reason, burying suspiscions of what was going on you now need to address that head on and make sure you don't believe unlikely things because you dont want to face the truth (which admittedly is scary).

Do you really believe he has carried a knife? Or do you just want to believe that?

I agree with Colditz you need to address the problem, why does he want to have a knife and find a solition to that problem. Not just try and scare him

littleducks · 02/05/2011 23:07

sorry "believe he hasnt carried"

we do need edit on MN

hmc · 02/05/2011 23:10

Is he empathetic, warm, kind etc?

What is he like as a person?

Original poster
meemu28 · 03/05/2011 08:32

He is a lovely boy although does seem to have the teen angst that they all get at this age plus he has a little sister age 1, who he thinks is spoilt. She is very 'hands on' and does take up a lot of time. He was the same though at that age and I do make time for just the two of us in the evening. I had a talk to him last night and am hoping the message got through. He has confirmed that he has never actually taken a knife to the park, (probably bulls**t), and he is now grounded till further notice.

OP posts:
Doobydoo · 03/05/2011 08:35

If he is worried about other boys and possible agro could he take up Taekwondo or something?My ds1 is considered small for his age[he is 11]TKD has given him loads of confidence.

Original poster
meemu28 · 03/05/2011 08:44

He used to go to kickboxing and football but since turning 11 he has this 'CBA' ,(can't be arsed), attitude about everything. Learning martial arts wont work and I have a feeling that these boys he has mentioned are not actually following him, but just happen to be at the park at the same time as he is. He may be doing this to impress his friend who has a BB gun and is allowed to use this unsupervised (DS has already been shot at with it, and I have highlighted the dangers).

OP posts:
ShatnersBassoon · 03/05/2011 08:53

Blimey, you've buried your head in the sand for long enough. Contact the local bobby and ask him to pay a visit to explain why he doesn't want a youth carrying a dangerous weapon around.

Lock the knives up. There was a kid in my year at school who took to carrying a knife (claimed it was for self-defence and hunting Hmm), and he ended up in a whole world of trouble.

chimchar · 03/05/2011 09:03

There are some really good websites about knife crime. One in particular has games etc on it aimed at teens.

Am on phone at the mo. Will try and link later.

There are many accounts and graphic pictures too on website which may shock and cause upset but may equally drive home the message. The strongest one was where a surgeon battled to save the life of a young man who had been involved in a knife fight. The lad died. It was Christmas eve. Had me in bits and set a load of rough, hardcore teenage boys to silence while I read it. Again, will try to link later.

Good luck x

sowhatshallido · 03/05/2011 09:20

my ds when he was in year 7 got caught at school for threatening another year 7 with a knife he had taken from home.
it was a pen knife. He was a lovely boy that started at age 12 'going off the rails' showing off to potential new mates at high school. He also got caught for shoplifting from the local shop.
Nightmare time. I really feel for you. I just wanted to stamp it out as quickly as possible and get my real son back.
We came down like a ton of bricks. They were really good. They called round to our house and took him to the local police station (after having rung them in advance to arrange) in a police van by himself. He got a really really stern talking to by the policeman alone - criminal records etc - got shown the cells.
He was suspended from school for a month for the knife.
He was like a house slave for about 3 months at home. He had to do loads of chores. He had games console removed from his bedroom.
We searched his bag and blazer everyday before school when he was allowed back.
He was very subdued and deferential and it had really hit home.
He is back to being a lovely boy, he changed friendship group at school. It took about 6 months to go back to normal. He is now in year 10.
I think 12 is such a difficult age, as they transition to secondary and feel that they have to 'prove' themselves.

sowhatshallido · 03/05/2011 09:21

should say the police were really good.

MackerelOfFact · 03/05/2011 09:45

Just to throw a curveball out there, are you sure he isn't self-harming? The 'protection' story could possibly be a cover-up. Not saying it's necessarily likely given the circumstances you describe, but do check for any tell-tale marks.

BerniW · 04/05/2011 15:50

He's still so young - you have every right to "search" him whenever he goes out. Let him know how incredibly serious this is.

Maybe restrict his movements - he can go to a mates house to play on the playstation etc, but NOT down to the park to hang out. Check that he is at his mates house by phoning there. It's important to let him know that he's heading down the wrong route by hanging out at parks and needing to "protect" himself from undesirables.

Oh and gets the police to have a chat - definitely....

Maryz · 04/05/2011 18:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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