My dd has gone into temp foster care

[EndoftheroadMum]

My dd has gone into tempfoster care and I am really struggling with the whole situation. It was a really tough decision as we were getting verbally and violently abused on a very regular basis - me in particular . this placement is for three months with the view to her coming home after that. She has been gone since the beginning of the easter holidays approz 3 weeks now. She is 12 years old. Foster parents seem very good and could not ask for a better place for her to be but it is not home. Dd is still very angry with me and we are allowed visits but not sure what to do on these visits. Go out, stay in, try and talk to her about things or not. I feel lost in a sea of the unknown. I have assured her we all love her and this is for the best but only temp but it is up to her now to realise how serious this is and change her behaviour. If anyone has been in this situation advice would be great. Thanks

Hi still struggling to get some support for the parent and the child who has been taken into care. Anyone else been i this position and lost in a sea of confusions. Miss dd so much and finding it so hard now she is not at home. Trying to build relationships with ds and dh but seem to be all alone actually. Any ideas from anyone who has been in this position would be really appreciated. Thanks.

Hi EndoftheroadMum, do you know why she is so angry? It is unusual IME for a 12 year old to be so angry without a reason. Is she having/has she had counselling etc?

I do have some experience of this but from a child's perspective so it might not be relevant to you.

I'm sorry it must be so hard for you, like any angry child she will need lots of reassurance that you still love her so maybe write her regular cards, send texts, emails, facebook her to let her know she may be out of the family home but not forgotten.

My heart goes out to you. I really hope you've now got some sort of counselling/ support in place to see you through what must be a very difficult few months.
Have not been in this exact position, but have tinkered around the edges of it over the past 2 years. When things were once v v bad (violence involved/ constant verbal abuse), I was told no short term fostering was available in my area.
I'm sure things will have changed enormously since you first posted (11 April), but as for the trying to build relationships issue, well, I think just showing up and doing the visiting is the main thing, even if the visits are very very short and seem very very difficult.
I'm not surprised that there has been no SS support for you - it often seems that one has to be seriously cracking up for them to step in and the parents who are soldiering on in hideously hard circumstances are more or less left alone...
In our worst times, I've found Parentline very supportive and a real lifeline. I expect you've used them?
The very best of luck to you. You are brave to admit the problem and to make such a strong stand. I think that taking this STRONG STAND will stand you well in the future, and, aged 12, there is a long teen future ahead. x