Should I be worried about DD 15 yrs...??

[orangesmarties]

My 15 year old DD had been going out with a nice lad for the last 9 months and out of all their friends' relationships, theirs seemed the most solid. They seemed to totally compliment eachother, didn't row and generally got along really really well. They seemed to have managed the balance of time with friends/time with each other very well and she hadn't put any pressure on him to see him while he was studying for his GCSEs (he's yr 11, she's yr 10). But, half way through the recent school holidays, he told her that he no longer felt the same way and dumped her. It seems he had started "going off her" a couple of weeks before but he can't really explain why. It came as a big a shock to her as it did us (parents) and all their friends...no one saw it coming. My DD was obviously devastated, but what worries me is that x2 weeks on, she still is!! Is this normal?? She has lost all the confidence that she gained when they got together and still frets about all the things they're never going to do again together. He has made it very clear to her that there is absolutely no chance of them getting back together again but that he still wants to remain friends!! (That old cliche!!). She just seems to have lost interest in her dancing, singing, doesn't want to go out with her friends etc etc etc.....I've tried very hard to get her motivated but she just mopes and cries a lot....I can understand her being like that for the first few days, but this is over 2 weeks on now!! Should I be worried about her or is this usual??

I think it's too early to be worried yet. She's probably also had her confidence knocked as well as mourning the loss of a relationship. I alsi read somewhere that it takes 1/2 the time to fully 'get over' a relationship as the lenght of the relationship, so if they were together 9 months then it will take 4 or so to completely get over it.

Thats not to say she will be utterly miserable for the whole 4 months! It's a gradual thing. 2 weeks is still a short time. Hopefully when she's back at school things will start to get a bit easier for her.

I think after 2 weeks it is still normal that she will be really upset, particularly as you said this has come out of the blue for her. She will come round in time.

Your poor DD - 9 months is a long time in a teenage relationship - I can quite understand why she's still upset 2 weeks later especially as it came 'out of the blue'.

Can you not rally her friends to come round and give her a bit of support if she doesn't want to go out and about with them? When I was a teenager I found it so much easier to talk to my friends than my parents.

Thanks. She is actually back at school this week and yesterday (first day back) was parituclarly hard...thinking about it, this may actually have put her back a bit as she hadn't seen a lot of her school friends since the break up so she had a lot of attention in person from well wishers.

Cubscout - thanks for that bit of info re how long it takes. I hadn't heard that.

lemeonmousse - some of her friends have been brilliant but others can't understand why she's still so upset (they've not been in that position themselves yet though!). I'm taking her away this weekend to see her cousins one of whom is exactly the same age and is her best friend in the world. I hope this distraction of being away from home will help.

Bless her, it takes a while to get over your first serious boyfriend, give her time (it may take weeks or it may take months), at least she went to school (which must have been hard), try and keep her busy and be there for her if she needs a chat, i think it took me about a month to get over my first love and i swore i would never let it happen again (of course it did happen again) .