Town or Country for teenagers? where to live?

[Conundrumish]

Having grown up as a teenager in a village and found it quite dull, I have always thought a small city/large town best for teenagers.

Now we need to move and I am wavering.

I worry if we live in a village they will be bored/about them accepting lifts with friends who have been drinking/them driving too fast (DS esp)/us having to taxi them around the whole time and them maybe missing out if we are unable to do so.

I like the idea that in a town they will be able to walk to friends houses, but am also worred safety esp when they have been drinking. I worry too about there being too many interesting things for them to do that may distract them from school work.

Any advice and experience gratefully appreciated.

PS: they are not teenagers yet, but this move may well be for good.

I grew up in a village and tbh hated it with a passion.

As soon as I went to secondary school in the town 7 miles away and made friends that was it. I was in the town far more than I ever was in the village. It had so much more there and when I was a teenager I ended up staying at friends houses every weekend so I didn't have to be at home bored because I couldn't do anything.

I was brought up in a village.

I now live in London and am definitely staying put

Living somewhere where teens can get around independently makes life so much more pleasant for everyone. They don't feel housebound and bored, you don't feel like a taxi service or mean mummy. We bought a house (in Sydney) on a fairly busy intersection, I was a bit doubtful to start but it has been the best thing ever for my 17yo - he was 15 when we moved in. There is a choice of three bus routes to school, the train to the city is a 15 minutes walk away, one of his driving friends is always passing our door and because our place is convenient I often have "the gang" here until the early hours - the others have to get home, I can go to bed knowing DS1 is home and safe.

Where do you want to live?

We particularly moved within walking distance of the town centre so that the DC would be able to be independent as I remember when I was at school that the people who lived in the villages quite often couldn't meet up after school/at weekends unless the parents were involved.

It's great. DC can be independent, arrange to meet up (obviously ask me if it's OK beforehand) without my having to drive them somewhere/pick them up. It makes life run much more smoothly.

I have only lived in London when I was in my 20s, but I can imagine it would be a fantastic place to live, if a bit dangerous sometimes.

I'm not saying nothing ever happens where I live, but not much does. In fact DS1 has a friend staying over who lives 10-15 miles away and says that here is much safer than where he lives. Here he doesn't have to look over his shoulder all the time, there he does.

Town town town:)

I lived in a village.. hated it. We now live in a small town and my 4 teens are able to be independent, have friends locally, and all have found saturday jobs... that alone is worth living in town for! I'm not sure I'd want to live in the middle of a city because I'd worry about them (even) more but being able to walk to most places and having a good bus route makes living with teens a LOT easier!

Town.

I think it is important that your children are involved in the decision, you might find a fantastic place to live in a village that is just a few miles from town, I live beside a beach in a village with pubs, cafes and a shop, that is on a reasonable bus route (4 miles so cycling distance imho from town, it does have a proper cycle path too). Teenagers head for the beach in the summer. Our local town hasn't got much going for it though.

Which will be cheaper in the long term, buses in my area are fairly expensive, so if finance is a worry being in town saves you time and money driving/paying for bus journeys.

In my experience the village kids all drank more, and younger, experimented with drugs and lost their virginity at a far earlier age than those living in towns, simply because there was nothing else to do.

we moved from village to town when son was starting at secondary school - village was great for a young child who needed to close to home but as soon as they need some independance i would go for town if poss.

We've lived in a small village since ds was 5. He's now 16 and desperate to go and live in a city.

He either has to cycle into the nearest town (4miles), or I drive him. Once there he can get a train to London but tbh that doesn't happen often.

He does miss out socially, although he is texted/fbooked with invitations to parties and organised stuff, he misses out on impromptu things because none of school friends are passing the door.

We moved to a small village when I was 12.

There is no way of knowing if I would have been a boring, swotty teenager with very little social life if we had stayed in a town, but I certainly was in the village - good news from a parenting perspective as I did not even slightly 'go off the rails' but maybe not best for me (I didn't mind at the time)

We now live in an even smaller village (have lived in large and medium sized towns inbetween). My DC are a long way off being teenagers, but I can't see us moving between now and then TBH, so they will have to learn to live with it.

I think good transport links are vital. Most of DS 15 friends live 7 or 8 miles away and thankfully he can just get a train to meet them. Today he has nipped on a train to london for the day with a friend.
We also have shops, sports and leisure centres and library all within walking distance to both dcs are fairly independent.

I lived in a small town - regular (and late) bus service to the nearest big town, and fairly cheap taxis (£6 between 4 of you = less than that last pint, and if someone is short, the group can still cover it) but not big enough to have lots of trouble etc. There was a city within public transport distance, but because it was that bit further away, we never bothered.

When doing French coursework etc all we ever used to write though was " has lots of cafes, parks and antique shops and a castle. It is very boring for young people."

DP grew up in a village and didn't really go out drinking at all until he went to uni. But other teens that live in that village now have formed a "crew" and hang out on street corners because they are bored. At least in a town centre there are police out etc and people tend to drive slowly through the town centre at night. People often speed down country roads when they are quiet.

You're right to consider all of the issues and, clearly, you'll make the best decision for you but, for what it's worth, I'm really happy with our decision to live in town.

From my observation, parents of teenagers who live out in the sticks spend a lot of time ferrying them around - often late at night, which is a bore. Because we live in town, my girls have friends over early evening to "get ready". They can then walk (10 minutes?) to wherever they are going (bar, gig, party, whatever) and share a taxi (affordable, because it's not far) back to our house late at night. It does mean than I often have a little gaggle staying over at the weekend but that's fine. I set my alarm for whatever the curfew time is and wake up briefly to make sure that they're home and then go back to sleep. I'm happy that I know where my daughters are (safely home and under my roof).

I think that we perhaps we see more of our daughters because of living in town. I certainly sometimes think that I see as much of DD17's boyfriend as his Mum does - they live in the country and so he spends every weekend at our house. I'd absolutely hate it if the reverse were true and she was away at his house every weekend.

I wouldn't worry that living in town could mean having too many interesting things to distract them from school work. By the time you're in your teens, you're either a fairly conscientious type or you're not. Plenty of kids who live in the country idle away hours on games consoles or watching telly when they could be studying. Whether you're on top of your academics or not is to do with a whole bunch of other stuff, in my opinion.

Personal preference, of course but good luck with your decision.

Thanks all, that's really helpful.

Trillian - where do I want to live? well to be honest, at the moment I hanker after a little small holding somewhere with a goat and a few chickens. Not sure that I wouldn't soon tire of that too though! I think maybe the best option will be for us to find a village just outside the town, or edge of town.

If the former, I am a night owl so wouldn't have a problem doing the 2am pick-ups (and it would do me good to be alcohol free on a Saturday night too).

I feel safer about dcs having their teenagehood in a town/city where there are plenty of things to do: when I was their age, I was socially very isolated because all my schoolmates ever did was to get hammered at weekends; it was a case of joining them or being alone. Dd has made lovely friends through her local theatre group: there just wasn't anything like that for me.

I wouldnt worry about too many things distracting from homework, even country kids can procrastinate!

I would say a city is much better, I lived in a tiiiny town (it's more villagey) and when i was at school I loathed the expensive transport fares, paying up to a tenner on trains or buses to get to school and/or see friends (whereas in south london where i now live it's £2.20 to go anywhere). I hated that nothing is in walking difference and there was nowhere you could go to for small amounts of money.

Do consider, you say now youre happy to do pick ups at 2am but will you be three nights in a row in the christmas holidays when their friends and them just want to party?

I think there's no ideal, it depends on the place, and it depends on your kids and (most importantly) their friends.

I grew up in the deep country, and as a direct result, I am bringing my child up in the city It was truly, truly a stultifying and borderline damaging experience for me. That was easily a combination of the village we lived in, the near impossibility of getting anywhere interesting, the people in the village, my family, and my habit of not being easily pleased (sigh).

Town. They can walk to friends or get a local bus. They will still be bored stiff with it and want to move away. Best of both.

I've no idea.

I grew up in Milan and had a fantastic time. I went to a school I loved mostly because I found like minded people with whom I shared interests etc.

Dh's tales of his teenage yrs in small provincial Italian town are quite depressing.

I am not worrrying about things distracting them from schoolwork; what I want them to have is enough stimulation to realise that there are interesting things to be learned.

I grew up in a village and hated it, there was one bus a week to the nearest town. If you do move to the country then make sure there are plenty of buses.

I grew up near a village on a farm. Hated it as a teenager. Lived in a town ever since I was 18.

Nice compromise is where we live. On the edge of a Cathedral city overlooking open country but only 15 minutes walk to centre of town.