Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

At wits end with 17 yr old

14 replies

TimeWillTell · 16/04/2011 18:54

OMG am I glad to find this forum - I thought Mumsnet was for mums with babies and toddlers - just seen a bit in the paper saying all ages so I hope I can get some help/advice......
Our son got his first gf just before GCSEs - stopped working but thankfully got ok grades. Driving home from results day I asked for info on 6th form and he announced he was not going back - complete suprise! He has applied for apprenticeships (had 1st interview) but no job yet - is awake till early morning and not up again until midday. Second gf now and he has started smoking.... turned up Thursday with two piercings on bottom lip (snake bite??). His dad wants to chuck him out - I won't, he's still our son and I want to support him and get him through it........... which his dad says is the reason he's pushing the boundaries as he needs a big shock to get his a* in gear. Any similar experience and/or advice appreciated.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 16/04/2011 19:02

he sounds normal to me!!

GollyHolightly · 16/04/2011 19:04

Sounds pretty normal to me too. I wouldn't be throwing a teen out for having got snake bites!

I would, however, be telling them that if they were neither in work nor education, that I would not be funding anything for them whatsoever.

GypsyMoth · 16/04/2011 19:05

i'm secretly miffed neither of my teen girls turned out to have a goth phase!! lol

Original poster
TimeWillTell · 16/04/2011 19:24

Thank you for quick response..... and more so for giving me a chuckle - I can relax a bit knowing that perhaps its not because I am being weak that all this has happened (hubbys helpful comment).

OP posts:
GollyHolightly · 16/04/2011 19:36

He said you were weak?? Shock does he think you have mind control over your son?? Shock

I'm kinda thankful that my 14yr old dd has already passed through the scene kid stage and is now sporting the retro (think '50s) americana look.

She asks for various piercings on a very regular basis though Hmm

Jellykat · 16/04/2011 20:24

He sounds completely normal to me too..

All teenagers need to find their own identity at some stage, in some way.
Didn't your DH do anything rebellious in his youth?

Did your DS explain why he didn't want to stay on in 6th form,was it the idea of it still being the school system?

What about college, you need to discuss what his interests are- music, media,engineering..find out what's available in your area at diploma level etc.

The going to bed late/ getting up late, seems logical, if you've nothing to get up early for. Typical teenage stuff IMO.

Maryz · 16/04/2011 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gingeroots · 18/04/2011 21:03

I thought most kids were still studying for GCSEs ?
Was the results day for some he took early ?
Sympathies re piercings .Dont know how I'd cope with that ...

Original poster
TimeWillTell · 19/04/2011 12:55

He did his GCSEs last year - this has been going on for many months - hence the frustration...... I did ask him to explain how facial piercings are going to help at interviews.

I think that to some degree he is scared of the next step because he has been out of the school/work loop for so long - I have hinted at that but nothing seems to get a response (unless you count the typical Harry Enfield "Kevin" ones)

Trouble is, his dad and I are out at work during the day, so not able to 'make' him do anything - talking, asking, explaining and leaving notes have not worked.

OP posts:
IloveJudgeJudy · 19/04/2011 15:09

I wouldn't be too upset. (DS1 is 16 and doesn't know what he wants. Would prefer an apprenticeship, I think, but is doing GCSEs at the mo and will prob go into 6th form). However, I would not be funding anything at all for him. DS1 has had a paper round from 13 and now football refs and gets money that way. I know it's hard, but I wouldn't expect him to do anything in the day (well, I would expect, but would know that he wouldn't), but I would expect him to go to the jobcentre maybe once a week and look through all the papers and apply for all jobs.

I definitely think not funding anything is the way to go. I would also be cross if he wore the snakebite piercings to the interviews, as that could be a reason for him not to get jobs.

It's definitely not your fault. Anyway, even if it is, it's at least as much your DH's fault. You can't throw your DS out. He's not taking drugs or anything, is he? How is he funding his cigarette habit? Don't give him any money. That will focus his mind.

usualsuspect · 19/04/2011 15:14

Its not such a big deal if he doesn't want to do A levels ..but you need to encourage him to look for a job (not easy atm though) or maybe do some sort of vocational course at college

All the rest sounds perfectly normal teenage behaviour

jackie1234 · 20/04/2011 15:08

I completely agree that he should do 'something' either work or study....seems good that he has applied at least. We cant force them to do anythign and i think that as he is showing an interest in apprenterships, you need to follow up on that as much as possible. Best of luck!

Original poster
TimeWillTell · 29/04/2011 07:35

Thanks everyone - it has really helped to get this feedback. I am sure communication is the way to go - had a talk when we were driving a couple of days ago, not confrontational but just laying out how we will support him whatever he decides to do ... but not with money.... (the way he has got money for the cigs was by selling his Wii that was gathering dust in his bedroom - that's gone now so he will be needing to work). He has made a few changes since then so fingers crossed x

OP posts:
anniewindsor · 06/05/2011 16:54

It's ok. When DS1 was 14 he kept talking about a prince albert. Then he found out what it is.

TBH your son is probably pretty normal!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page