moan about teenagers and housework

[alemci]

just want to let off steam. earlier i got really ranty with my teenage son and dd as I had been out and as per usual nothing was done. My DD has got AS exams so was trying to work but would it hurt her to pick up the hoover and clean.

She says I am obsessed with cleaning but I am like anyone else and like my home to look tidy. she has gone out and I just think is it me. i did try to talk to her calmly before she went with my DH interjecting.

I also let her have her BF round the other night and she cooked dinner for him and he stayed over (not in her room). I am very easy going and do most of the stuff but every so often I take a step back. I don't like being taken for granted and I feel I am running a hotel.

Err, your dd has AS exams coming up. I think that is slightly more important than a bit of dusting or cleaning. As long as she has got a proper study programme and is doing thorough revision, then I don't think you should be hassling her to do the cleaning. She also needs leisure time, so cooking a meal for her bf sounds great if that is what helps her relax.

After the exams are over though, she obviously will have no excuse and you can nag persuade her to do the cleaning for the entire summer

If she was using that time to study then it is a bit unreasonable to expect her to clean as well. And TBH even if she wasn't, it probably wouldn't cross her mind. It never did mine as a teenager.

A good technique I read somewhere is getting them to specify when. So you say "could you hoover please?" and they say "Oh stop moaning! I'll do it later!" then you say "Okay, when?" and keep badgering or suggesting until they give you a time e.g. after dinner or before I go out or when I've finished watching this. If they keep stalling just remind them it will only take around 5 minutes/half an hour/whatever, and ask when they can fit that into their plans.

It is more nagging in the short term but it should remove the need to ask them multiple times and the constant putting off of tasks. It also shows that you value their time, and helps them learn to think ahead and plan their time rather than procrastinating endlessly - I wish I'd learned this at home TBH.

you do the cleaning

they can help with the washing - of course if they don't help with the washing it will not get ironed, you use the machine but they must help with the line etc

very carefully pick the chores you want them to help with so they would have the most impact if the help wasn't forthcoming

Could you give your DD a few specific responsibilities regarding the housework? For example, it is her responsibility to change her own bed, empty her own waste-paper basket, flick a duster and hoover her own room once a week at the weekend. As long as she is doing this, nothing else will be said and you will take care of the rest of the house.

She's got one job at the moment and that's to power through the AS revision and stay well because it's not going to be over until she walks out of that last exam and that's weeks away.

I say "stay well" because as a balance to sticking the the revision regime, she needs down time and having a lovely date night with her boyfriend is ideal (as is a game of tennis/ a coffee with a friend and an hour floating around the shops/ a swim/ etc).

I'd say get off her case, in all honesty. Love and support her while she revises and don't carp on about cleaning. Once her exams are over and she's had a bit of a breather to let her hair down you can then get back down to basics and rope her in to do a bit more if you need to.

I do think her exams are important but this has been going on a long time. My mother pointed out to me yesterday that when i was 16 I had to do my own ironing (and i was doing A levels too). She does socialise as well and I do want her to be happy but there is absolutely zilch contribution to anything.

half the time I clean up her room. i have just made her bed up and done her ironing. I will probably put it away for her because otherwise it will end up on the floor. i have another YD who is just as bad. I am just sick to death of being an unpaid maid and dogsbody and do resent them at times.

I just don't think now's the time, alemci to decide that she needs to start doing more housework. They're all under so much pressure...

If she's doing her work and keeping a bit of a balance, I think you might need to bite your lip and keep doing what you're doing. You're not the only one, if that helps, it's going on in many houses up and down the country right now. At least she's working - that's the important bit. You'll be proud of her on results day.

thanks Watertight. Its just that you hear of some teenagers who do help and you think where did I go wrong.

I usually do keep stum but the resentment builds up and i just get sick to death of it all and have a rant every so often.

I personally would leave her room and her ironing to herself.... If she wants to live in a ness, fine, if she wants crumpled clothes fine, she's old enough to decide and handle consequences herself so let her.... She'll soon want a tidy room etc and in the meantime just close the door on her mess...

Also allocate general house chores to her and your ds and put then up on the wall and leave them to do them as they want to but emphasise that they are their responsibility and do not do them for them!

You can rant away alemci.

Get it off your chest and then make a mental list of all of the things that she's doing that are great and another list of all of the awful things that she COULD be doing that she's not. I bet she's doing pretty well, all things considered.