How to enforce teenage consequences?

[raisinbran]

I regularly read the threads on here have poured over countless books to improve my parenting skills but I am still struggling.

My son is nearly 13 yrs old 5ft 7 and solid, which is a help in rugby but not when he is pushing passed me or grabbing the PS3 control off me. I have been know to go shopping with all the tv and game reports plus his ipod etc but only if i get to them before him.

Up until now loss of his games and tv where succesful bargining tools but now he just ignores me and will fight me for it if I try to take it away.

If he is already on the computer he wont leave or come off, will just be insulting, rude and on occasions swears at me.

When he is being mean physically and mentally to his brother he views any loss of pocket money as worth it.

I am really not even tackling messy rooms or homework schedules, but his appalling behaviour is effecting the family and I just feel powerless already let alone when he is a 6ft, 15 yrear old. Yes I am a single parent but he sees his father EOW and worships him.

My friend had a similar situation and found that a supportive male relative having a word was a great help - her brother took her son to one side and it did have an effect. She found her son was quite grumpy when he had been gaming, so set times when he was allowed to use PS3 and computer and otherwise it had to be switched off. It did improve his mood and behaviour, so maybe you could try that. An hour in the evening once all homework has been done.

set the timer on ps3 to stop playing after a set time
inform him beforehand of how much time he will have,try and remind when theres 10 mins left,if that fails then switch the electric off!!!

Thanks for the advice some good points made which I will try to implement.

His father did have a stern talk with him but I hate using the phrase 'do you want me to tell your Dad about this behaviour' as it make me look even weaker.

I didnt know you could set the pS3 on a timer and the option of switching off the electrics but will have to try a different tack when on the laptop as it reverts to battery.

We did have a family meeting and established a few rules but its just remains to seen if they can be enforced successfully. He is so bright and articulate that he runs rings around me and will make a good lawyer!

1. get rid of the PS3 totally. It messes with their heads. Likewise telly in bedrooms, and unsupervised computer access. Just not compatible with getting the amount of sleep and exercise a 13 year old boy needs to cope with his hormones.
2. Sign him up for lots of activity with older male role models who will endorse the 'respect your mum' message and kick his ass when he needs it. Sport? Choir? Scouts? Youth club? older friends/ cousins?
3. Discuss with him what kind of man he wants to grow up to be, what kind of man he admires, and how you and others can help him grow up that way. Praise him and make him feel great when he does good things, is helpful, considerate, and uses his growing strength to be your right hand man.
4. No violence allowed in your home. Make it clear that if he is violent or threatening he will be removed by either his father or the police. If he can't control himself, you will take control, and others will back you.
5. Stay calm, don't shout, don't let situations escalate. Let him storm off and sulk if he needs to, but once you've made a decision, be clear, stand firm and don't back down. If he throws tantrums then not only does he get removed, but anything he breaks he fixes or pays for. You are in charge.
6. If you're going to bawl him out, don't do it in front of his brother, and stop while he's still listening.

I hope that helps!