17yo DD. what should I do?

[JazD]

My 17yo DD has always been so polite and well-behaved. She stayed in and studied, got good grades, did charity work, sports etc. She cooked and cleaned voluntarily. She was the complete opposite of most teens round here.

But since she turned 17 she's changed. She's become lippy, rebellious and lazy. She doesn't study, she's already got an unconditional for uni so she says she doesn't see the point anymore. She refuses to do any chores.

She's also started drinking. At first it started out that I would come home and she would have a glass of wine in her hand, which I was ok with, as she was being sensible and it was in the house, but last weekend she came home totally paralytic and stinking of alcohol and smoke. And I don't know if its just schoolgirl gossip, but a friend of mine said her daughter had told her of my daughters "promiscuous" behavior.

I've tried talking to her but she just huffs and sits there scowling. I feel like its my fault, her dad moved out recently and they were very close, and I work late nights so she had to stay in and look after her little sister.

I'm just not sure what do? Is it a "phase"? Can anyone advise me?

Sounds like classic teenager rebellion, just a little late.

Sometimes they can get bogged down with all the studies and what is "expected" of them, then when they reach the goal its a bit like, ok, so what do I do now?

If there is a recent trigger, like you mentioned about her father, or possibly a boy on the scene? Could be a bit of heartbreak? Then try and discuss and fix. Otherwise you may just have to ride it out, you might find once she is at Uni with intellectual stimulation again she settles.

Not sure this is any consolation whatsoever but..at least you made it to 17 on the positive side! My daughter (15) was always a dream too until this year and like you, I'm finding it hard to cope with the sudden bad attitude to everything from school, responsability, chores, personality etc. Interestingly, I am also now a single parent but dd was not so close to father (althoiugh I am sure its still having effect) I also see myself at fault because as mother of 3dc I am now struggling and obviously cannot give my dd the attention she so needs or indeed financially live as before. I realise that I (perhaps wrongly) always took it for granted that my oldest dd was sooo uncomplicated, bright, polite, helpful and can only presume that she now needs to prove she can be difficult too-oh grief, not easy is it?!

Am so glad I'm not alone in this! The sudden change in her was just.....shocking.

There was a bit of a revelation last night though. I popped round to a friends for a few drinks in the evening, leaving her a free house as youngest was staying at a friends. I fell asleep at my friends and was woken up by her phoning me at 2am to check I was OK! I was very surprised and quite touched as well. She also met her dads new GF today and she came home seeming quite happy. She actually sat and talked to me while we watched corrie, which I know sounds frivolous but after the last few months, it meant a lot to me.

Her dads parents are moving up here from england in june and I still get along very well with the ex-MIL, so having them to help care for younger DD should help a lot!

I'm just letting her "ride it out" just now. Told her she can do whatever she wants as longs as she understands she needs to deal with the consequences.