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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Am I right to not let 14 yr old dd go to a party at someones house I dont know

11 replies

blackpug · 11/04/2011 21:04

My 14 yr old wants to go to a party at a friend of a friends house. We dont know him and neither does she. She thinks that we are being unreasonable by not letting her go as her friends parents apparently know him and he is OK. Would really appreciate some advice.

OP posts:
littlemermaidfrog · 11/04/2011 21:25

heyy, big NO to not letting your daughter go, i did this when my daughter was around that age and now is 17 and is off the rails, experimenting with everything all because she didnt have much freedom when she was younger:/ if your daughter is sensible, believe her and she will do what you say, if you dont then she will just push your boundaries again and again, I hope you think carefully about my advice, i seriously recomend it!

Thanks,
troubled teen mom Blush

WorriedMother39 · 11/04/2011 21:40

the thing that is good about this is that your daughter has actually told you about the party. this means she feels she can tell you and talk to you about things like this. if you say no then she will feel she can't talk to you about things like this and many others. if you let her go then she feels that you trust her and you will improve your relationship but if you don't let her go then she won't talk to you and she'll find a way to go to this party and more without you finding out.. i made this mistake when my daughter was thirteen and she stopped talking to me...
please do the right thing for both of you!
WorriedMother39

daughterandmumsister · 11/04/2011 21:49

my daughter is 15 and has been going to parties ever since she was 13, we have a strong relationship and i let her go because i can trust her, if you and your daughter have no trust then its a recipe for disaster. I give my daughter a limit and if she goes over it, she will not be allowed to go ever again but not once in over 2 years has she gone over the limit. this is why you should let her go and trust your daughter to be sensible
:D hope this helps

chopchopbusybusy · 11/04/2011 21:50

Depends. Do you know her friend and her parents? The one that says he's OK. Could you ring them and have a chat?
When they get to 14 you tend not to know their friends or their parents, but if they are ok they won't mind you phoning them for a pre party chat.
Actually, I assume it will be supervised in some way. If not, I would say no, but if it is I'm sure it will be fine.

cyrilsneer · 11/04/2011 22:32

Well I'd let her go but my eldest is 17 and I've got used to it by now. She started going to the occasional party when she was fifteen, I think. Maybe fourteen.

Have a quiet word with your DDs friend's Mum, if you're anxious, and, hopefully be reassured that this family are perfectly decent people.

Agree ground rules with your daughter - dropped off at x time, picked up at x tine, no alcohol or cigarettes for her and that if there are drugs (or, in fact, anything that makes her uncomfortable - gate-crashers, people being disrespectful to the property etc) she is to call you and you'll come and get her.

Hopefully it'll just be a fun teenage party and hopefully she'll have a good time.

Maryz · 11/04/2011 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Anaxagora · 11/04/2011 22:37

I probably wouldn't, unless she could give me some very convincing reasons why I should. The 'friend of a friend who she doesn't know' scenario would be a deal-breaker with me, I think. Unless the mutual friend was particularly sensible or I had spoken to her parents about it and been reassured.

usualsuspect · 11/04/2011 22:40

I would let her go ..its impossible to know all their friends parents when they are teenagers

I would pick her up at an agreed time though

iwastooearlytobeayummymummy · 11/04/2011 23:33

I agree with usualsuspect, have a serious talk about all the 'what if' scenarios, (eg if others are drinking what will she do etc) agree that she keeps her phone with her and will respond to texts, and finally agree to pick her up at a reasonable time.
if you tell her that you know she will be responsible and trustworthy now,it will boost her self confidence.

cat64 · 12/04/2011 01:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Confidentmums · 12/04/2011 08:20

If you think the friend who knows the boy who's party it is, is trustworthy then I would allow her to go because if she feels confident and isn't worried about going then you can trust her, going to a party is normal for a teenager and unless you want your daughter to have no social life and gain communication skills that she needs in the future, could be fatal! I also agree with worriedmum39

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