smoking

[cornishmaid19]

Hi everyone, this is my first time on mumsnet i hope some of you could give me some advice please. I have a 14 year old son, who is away at the moment with his dad at army camp. He has just told my husband that he has just had a fag. He wanted to tell him himself an not go behind his back. I am so very glad that he spoke up front about it, but, IM SO ANGRY i just want to scream an shout at him. I know that is wrong, but, i don't know what to do or say to him. HELP please, any advice will be gratefully received.

Don't panic is the first rule with teenagers so calm down!

Most of them try stuff their parents won't like, be it cigarettes, alcohol or worse. It's quite normal. The trick is to keep calm, make it clear calmly that you don't approve then move on and hope that's the end of it.

I decided it was better for mine to try stuff whilst at home where we could make sure they were safe and hopefully influence their decisions than be "good" at home then experiment with everything at once at uni.

Good luck

If you don't freak out and keep the lines of communication open, maybe you can get him to read Allen Carr's book? I know it's about giving up smoking, but I reckon it would convey quite powerfully how stupid it is to start too.

My 19 yr old DS smokes - I think has been for quite some time. Worries the living daylights out of me, not least because I saw my Uncle, married for only a few years, die as a result of a lifetime of excessive smoking.

I try to remain calm but it's not always easy. And I think, OP, your reaction - very angry - is actually rather healthy. Now, you need to decide how to play it. The book sounds good - and there is help and support via the NHS if your son is willing to give it a go. But it may not be anything approaching an addiction - so I agree with the other posts. Keep cool but make it very clear that smoking is, without question, an own goal.

I've spoken to DS's sixth form - generally supportive - they do talk about in tutorial groups and have healthy living events but, of course, the desire to stop has really to come from him. Worth a confidential chat to someone in school - asking that the messages to brought home to his year group - again?

Good luck.

Thanks guys, you have gave me some great advice . You are right that i should be calm, i hole heartily agree with that. Also i agree that it is better that he smokes at home, an not behind my back. I think i will get some leaflets about smoking an give them to him to read (or should i not). I'm just panicking that first its fags, what next cannabis! which leads on to me to be calm an that he will be safe at HOME an not elsewhere. Thanks very much guys for your help. Will keep you posted Thanks again x

Well, update. He did come to me and told me he had had a fag, i praised him up for telling me, but told him calmly that i wasn't happy about it but i was 14 once to etc etc, and i said i will get some leaflets from NHS for him to look at, and, if he wants to smoke he has to pay for the fags at 50p a fag from his dad (who smokes) and he was fine about that, and i also think he was surprised that i didn't kick off, and was calm about it. THANKS for your input guys it helped a lot.