17 year old ruining his life - is there anything we can do?

[ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky]

My 17 year old brother is currently ruining his life with bad choices and we are powerless to stop him.

He got bad (but could have been worse) grades at GCSE because he was too interested in his gf and couldn't be bothered to go to school.
He begged to get into 6th form, then got kicked out because his attendance was appauling.
He can't sign on as he is too young so he begged us for help finding him a job, my dh got him a job at the company he works for approximately 2 months ago.

He worked for 2 weeks then went awol. His gf split up with him, he went missing, suicide threats, broke his own hand in 9 places by punching a brick wall 3 times, then went out on the piss for a month with his mates. During this time he had a sick note from work.

Sick note ended today so he was back in work, an hour ago I got a call from him saying he has to leave to go to the hospital as he thinks he's pulled the pins in his hand. There is literally noone that can cover him if he leaves and I think the main problem is that the woman he has been working with has made him do more than he was physically able to and that has sent him over the edge, physically and mentally. He says he quits and I think he may have walked out.

My mum has tried everything, being nice, being tough. He has stolen money from her, ran away and is currenly staying with friends because his life at home is so shit apparently. He also broke my sisters laptop before he went too (out of anger).

He won't let us help him and is convinced everything in life is shit. He is ruining his future in favour of some friends who all have more prospects than him anyway (school and uni) and fags and alcohol. We don't know what to do anymore.

You answered your own question when you said "he won't let us help him". There's nothing you can do unless and until he gets a grip and realises the world doesn't own him a living.

He sounds awful - just be glad he isn't living with your Mum and stealing from her any more. Did anyone call the Police when he stole from her? If not, you are enabling and encouraging his bad behaviour.

I don't know what to say. You really have my sympathy. I have a 17 year old dd.

Would he prepared to go and see your GP again. could he have some counselling through the NHS. Sounds like the GF thing really upset him.

Oh poor kid ,and poor you .
He sounds in a mess and in need of proffesional help ,second advice re GP .
I think all you can do is be there when he's ready - he has GCSEs which is good .
He can go back to education at some later point in his life .

What is the root of all this? Has he had problems, drugs, depression, difficult childood etc - because it all seems quite extreme.

My mum hasn't phoned the police yet because she still wants him to go home, because she's worried he will hurt himself.

He has said a few weeks ago that he thinks he needs to see the gp for depression and anger management but then he has been out with his friends all the time so nothing has been done about it other than talking.

As for the root of it, he is the baby and as such got away with loads that myself and my sister didn't, however my mum then found she couldn't control him once he got to a teenager. There are no drugs (other than nicotine and alcohol) that we know of, my mum and grandad have suffered from bi-polar so depression is likely (and I think that is the main thing - his gf cheating on him was the catalyst for all this). It was his girlfriend that got him smoking and distracted him from school. And yes, we all had a very difficult childhood because of my mums mental health but as I said, my sister and I haven't got a clue how to handle this anymore - we never went off the rails like this.

He walked out of work this morning and noone has heard from him since. DH has no option but to follow company policy and go through the disciplinaries etc, db is likely to be fired and tbh it would be less stressful for all the rest of us if he was! However at the same time I don't want him to mess his life up but there aren't any more chances we can give him.

Very sad for you shinymoon ,horrible situation .
I just keep thinking about him hitting a wall and breaking his hand - very extreme behaviour ,he must have been beside himself .
Can you talk to GP so that you can point him in right direction when he does seem open to help ?
Keep in contact with him ,he must be quite bright to get his GCSE's and he must be feeling shit about having screwed up the job your DH got him .
Hang on in there for him .
17 is so young ,he's got lots of time to get back on track and he needs to know that .
And he's lucky to have you as a sister

How are things shiny ? I have a 17 year old son and wish he had a lovely sister like you to look out for him. I think he does need profressional help, and I also think he will mature and get better in time. Its very hard but sometimes they just have to go through this and hope not too much damage is done

Well he seems to want his job again now, there's a disciplinary tomorrow because of all his absenses and leaving without telling anyone he's not coming in or has to go home. Yesterday, he had to take one of the cats to be put down and he was especially close to this one so he's taken that hard too but my mum thinks it might be the thing he needs to bring him back to his senses.

He doesn't see me as a great sister, he thinks I'm a bitch for not saying "it's ok, don't go into work, everything will be fine" when I can't say that because firstly it's not true you can't blow off work like that and expect them to wait around until you can be bothered to go back in and secondly, all his messing about in work has really put dh in an awkward position because he has to cover dbs shifts and explain to his boss what's going on.

My mum has gone all plb (precious last born ) on him and is trying to sort everything out for him instead of leaving him to fix his own mess. I'm really just trying to stay out of it now because the stress is too much. I hope my mum can get him to the doctor about his moods and depression sooner rather than later.

???

Fantastic, now I'm going to be wondering what you for the rest of my life Alison!

Oh it was just spam [disappointed]

Think he needs to see a doctor as soon as possible myself. Is he still with the girlfriend?

No she dumped him for the guy she cheated on my db with. But they still talk to each other a lot (on facebook and instant messages) which imo is not healthy because he wants to get back with her and she either a) knows this and is stringing him along or b) likes the attention he's giving her. Or both.