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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS does not want to join in family stuff

11 replies

pinkymum · 09/04/2011 11:16

Should I allow my DS (15, reasonably well behaved, middling at school, could do better) to skip all the usual Easter family activities? He just wants to go to the beach with his friends, and DD (11, tomboy, misses company of DS) is a bit lonely. Now have to pay extra attention (feeling guilty) to DD because DS is always out. Should I make DS join in? (ha ha, he is 5ft5)

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 09/04/2011 11:20

er,if you do,good luck!!! cant you ask him to compromise? spend few hours with you and then he's free

could your dd take a friend?

Original poster
pinkymum · 09/04/2011 11:40

Yes, awful isn't it, but if DD could get used to his not being there, I don't actually want him to come if he doesn't want to. (Memories of HATING going out with my family) I'm quite happy to ask DD friends to come - perhaps that is the way to go. Many thanks.

OP posts:
Sarsaparilllla · 09/04/2011 11:45

He's 15, let him hang out with his friends, I agree, get your DD to invite a friend over to keep her company :)

BluddyMoFo · 09/04/2011 11:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
pinkymum · 09/04/2011 12:15

Oh, you make me laugh, that sounds like something I would do. The thing is you never know if he is happy or grumpy. He would do that on a happy day, (possibly when he wants to stay out late, have some money, get bought something). On a grumpy day it's "I'm not *** doing that" with nose buried in PS3 (don't start me off on that one!)

OP posts:
cyrilsneer · 09/04/2011 12:24

Love this, BluddyMoFO Grin

Isn't it sad, when you feel them ebbing away...

It's no different in our house. DD17 wants to be with her boyfriend or her friends, not us.

I agree with others that you have to pick one event or one part of your family plans and negotiate with him that he is to attend cheerfully and to take part fully in that and in exchange, he gets to skip the rest to be with his friends.

Definitely get your younger one to invite a friend.

Original poster
pinkymum · 09/04/2011 13:02

Thank you so much, I will definitely get DD's friend to come.

Now, on another subject (is that allowed?) AIBU but I would like DS to do about an hour of revision a day - I realise this is not going to happen and, frankly it would all be easier if I gave up. The result of a parental chat is usually banged doors. He has music, art (GSCE) and the three sciences (GSCE retake) beginning in May. He is not mature enough to JUST DO IT either! Should I just insist and risk the wrath of DS's anger?

OP posts:
mumeeee · 09/04/2011 13:05

He is 15 and it is normal for a 15 year old not want to do family stuff anymore, I would let him go with his freinds but ask him to join you for one activitie over Easter,

AuraofDora · 09/04/2011 13:09

this is normal for this age, i had left home at 17..

the sign up contract thing is good idea now and again,.. just be happy they have mates they want to be with and maybe get them to make some suggestions about what sort of things you can together as a family too..

notahotel · 18/04/2011 19:20

We've recently introduced 'family day' every Sunday when we try to do something together. DD (12) loves it - DS (14 and the reason for its introduction) tolerates it and sometimes cracks a smile! We often let him see a friend when we get back home, though! I'm sure these days will be less regular by the time he's 15!

sharbie · 18/04/2011 19:24

yy normal for age but agree with everyone who says make them commit to do something with family once in a while too

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