13 year old son 'hates me'

[MooMooFarm]

I know I'm probably over-reacting but am really upset about the way DS1 acted yesterday, particularly as it was Mothers Day.

DH had already told me he had to practically drag DS to the shops to get me a present, which I had unceremoniously slung at me yesterday morning with a grunt.

Then last night we were sitting watching tv and something came on with a girl in who DS likes. I made a jokey remark about her, and DS turns to me and says 'I hate you - happy mothers day' - with a snidey look on his face. He walked out and went to his room. We had some guests round, so we made light of it and I made a joke about his hormones. But later when they'd gone I got a bit upset about it, and DH went to talk to him. They ended up having a row, basically because DS refused to apologise.

I know it probably is hormones, but I feel so miserable today. Am I too soft that he feels able to talk to me like this? He does have mood swings and talks to us like we're shit sometimes, but most of the time he is ok and actually quite friendly and chatty. Should we start coming down harder on him? He lives such a cushey life with us and is expected to do very little apart from what he wants most of the time. It just felt like such a horrible thing to say, I feel a bit sick.

Hi there - didn't want this to go uncommented. I just read the 'boundaries' thread on here - you seem to be in a similar situation? I'd have a talk when it's calmed down. I was going to say it's a small thing you did about the girl on TV, but thinking about it, your son feels that you joked about a girl he likes (ok not in real-life), but it's a comment on his feelings about girls/sex etc and he's only 13. I'd feel the same at that age if my mum joked about someone I liked - in front of other people.

You're right, it's his hormones and they'll be affecting him a lot.

I'd suggest an apology from you - make it unreserved. Talk about how (diplomatically) you both need to think before you speak and maybe particularly so when guests/friends are round as guests feel embarrassed and so do family members. It's about good manners, not about 'putting on a show' to others.

Sorry it was mother's day . But it gets bigged up out of all proportion. I had to push my teens into doing something NOT because I wanted the chocolate and flowers (as I'd choose better myself!), but as I told them, it's about thinking of others and putting yourselves out, making sure you have the ££ without getting DH to buy etc. Totally a learning curve for buying future girlfriends flowers etc!