supporting a teenage mum

[silverlining34]

My 18 year old daughter is pregnant for the second time to 30 year old boyfriend. Situation at home now very strained and we have asked her to leave and told boyfriend he must support her now. I feel so sad that this as happened we have tried to give good advice on contraception way before first baby born -( who we now all love and adore). Are we right to push them to live together and try to make a family even though this may mean they have to live with his mum and we would not be able to visit, worried for grandchild as not yet 1. Daughter has had lot of help at home from all family still needing a lot of support.

I really feel for you, my dd was single teenage mum but fortunately for us found lovely husband before 2nd. Ours had to leave home for all our sanity when gd was 1 but we were able to help her with renting privately as a single mum. Don't feel sad or disappointed you have no blame for dd life as much as you have no credit for good things. Is it not possible for them to get a place of their own- whatever his financial situation he is old enough to take responsibility. worrying is fine but not at the expense of thinking you are the only right way. It may not be what you would want but you have to cry your tears in private and let them get on with living their lives - if the grandchild is in some sort of danger you should get the proper support but if it is just exagerated maternal worry we have to live with it I'm afraid

I had to do the same with Dd1, there was no way she could have stayed at home with GD and at first her a her ex were going to make a go of it.

I felt like I had pushed her out at first and it was really hard when the relationship failed.

3 years down the line she has a good job, a nice rented house and a new chap who has 2 kids of his own.

Your Dd needs to either learn to cope or stop getting pregnant, it is not fair for you to have to take responsibility for her family.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but she is an adult with a family of her own now.

Thanks for replys, totaly agree - in my head- my heart worries on.

I think you need to go to the housing with her and help her apply for social housing possibly even privately rented,help her sort out her benefit entitlement and help her 'grow up' if she is old enough to be pregnant for the second time shes old enough to be in her own home- with or without her bf she needs to sort herself out.

It might just be the best thing for her.

You can still be her Mum and support her and see your grandchild its just not in your home.

Surely she sees this?

Good idea, I will offer to go with her. I know it has to be for the best. Idealy I hope they make it as a family and BF steps up, but if not then we will be there to help her if she needs to go it alone.

That is what we did silver, we did force them to give it a go in a way by saying they had to find somewhere to live but when it went pear shaped we stepped in and provided quite a lot of support, mainly in the form of food parcels, washing clothes and advice.

I am sure it will work out, remember to be kind to yourself, you have bought her up for 18 years, she needs to be an adult now.

Thanks everyone for your support I appreciate this more than you know.

Remember that the Dad is an equal parent and at 30 years old should be more than able to take care of the family he created. He's hardly a teen parent is he? And your daughter isn't that young either. Don't feel bad. They are both adults and it sounds like they need to grow the hell up.

I'm due to be a teenage mum in January I'll be 18 by then. Hope I get the support and guidance I need from my mum!!

TBH I don't think the focus should be on getting the State to support her and her children, but on her partner/their father. He should have enough nous to look after HIS family imo.